This is every daughter's nightmare I think. My mom passed away last year. Just in the last month my dad began dating a co-worker. I wasn't real crazy about it, but I could handle it. She seemed nice enough, and he is old enough to make his own choice. BUT NOW... My younger sister has informed me that this woman is the woman that my dad had an A with several years ago. What type of A and to what extent, we aren't sure. My sister worked with them at the time, and she said that they would eat lunch together every day and then my dad would lie to my mom about it when they got home. It appears that the affair might have broken off for a while (as our memories come together and try to recall some things). The co-worker got married and moved off for a while, but about 4 months after my mom's death she separated from her current husband. -so she could be with my dad I'm sure. My own husband saw some things between them that leads him to believe that an affair happened. I'm the one that was in the dark. My mother bent over backward to protect me from the A. She had ample opportunity but never once told me, hinted, or said anything to the effect of "when I'm dead, please make sure your dad doesn't end up with _________ (the coworker)." (my mother had a terminal illness.)

So now I'm not sure how to handle this. My sister saw this woman (and my dad) make my mother cry for years. She resents the woman, and will make life as h*llish as she can for her from 400 miles away. She said it will also taint her relationship with my father even further.

My husband doesn't want this woman close to our children because of her willingness to try to take my father away from my mother. My husband resents this woman as he had a special fondness and appreciation for my mother. (She WAS a fabulous woman!!!) He has said he plans to be cold to her out of defense for my mother.

Me on the other hand. I've known this woman for about 5 years. She certainly hasn't been my friend, but I had no idea any of this was going on. I remembered the rumblings from about 5-6 years ago once my sister pointed them out, but my life has been so hectic since that time that I had forgotten them. So when my Dad brought the co-worker to family functions, I had been sociable with her. How can I do a complete about-face with her without explaining myself? Should I be ugly (I think I have enough pull with my dad as the favorite daughter to split them up)? Or do they deserve each other? Should we let them find out just how often these affair based marriages/relationships last?

My dad insists he's ready to date again and there are not any good women out there. (of course he failed to mention he was looking for one before he decided to start officially dating this one!) However, I'm reserved about introducing him to a "good" woman for fear that he would end up cheating on her too! As long as this co-worker is around, any woman is going to have to compete with her. Why would I want to introduce a new player into this messy situation?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Advice anyone?

Dear Jamup:
Your sitch is interesting to me because my best friend is in a somewhat similar situation with her in-laws.

I really don't have any advice to give. I understand your sister's pov and I can relate to your father as well.

But you really don't know for sure that a physical affair happened. You know they had lunch and your father lied about it. So it was probably an emotional affair. Which is an affair - don't get me wrong.

The OW is still married????? I believe you said she was separated? So if your father is bringing her to family functions then she is having an affair now. Which should give you cause for concern.

If she is still married, you could sit down with your dad and explain that until she is divorced you will find it hard to support their relationship as it goes against what you believe vows mean to married couples.


Good luck,
DB

<small>[ November 14, 2003, 10:05 AM: Message edited by: dazed blonde ]</small>

Jamup

My dad had a series of affairs over many years so I can relate to your feels about the OW. The feeling of your sis and H make me think that the advise from DB is exactly on target. Since your dad is close to you talk to him and let him know that as long as OW is married that he should not bring her to family gatherings.

He may not like it but he really doesn’t have a choice because of the cold shoulder the OW will receive from the family.

Beau

My dad told me he was bringing her to a family function because she had been separated from her husband since April and needed to get out and have some fun. So does that mean divorced? Your guess is as good as mine.

Tell her husband.

Excuse me...she is going to have some fun at your family gathering? Sounds like they've been having fun already -- why your family? If he wants her to have some fun -- take her to a movie!

Tackiest thing since my H and OW made their social debut at a funeral!