W is tossing around the idea of seeing other people while we are seperated. Not the OM but she wants to "go to dinner with someone if she wants to" and is telling me to do the same. Says hows she suspose to know what she wants if she doesn't look around. What the F! She told me "I'm single and should be able to date if I want to" I told her she was still a married woman but if she wanted to be single it could be arranged. There was no fu's tossed around but this subject terrifies me. Anyone had to deal with this!

No immediate suggestions but you do have to admire the logic. How will she know what she wants if she doesn't shop around? How does anyone know what they want if they don't shop around? For example, if you are happily married, how do you KNOW that's what you want if you don't continue to date? If you are studying for your law degree, how do you KNOW that that's what you want if you don't take a few classes in the med school.

In other words, you never have to make a real choice. Just keep shopping, shopping, shopping, even after you've purchased.

One suggestion: Time for Plan B.

You know what you "want": your sanity back.

Fog talk.

Beau

Devoted Dad,

How many more clues do you need now? Plan B big time and she should be the one to leave,if not already.

Separated means you are *apart from everyone else so you can try to clear your mind after an affair.I don't know.

I have to think about my husband now too. He is home finally and he told me that he was offered a 3 month postion in California. So, he took it and now any chance of being together is off.Of course I am really disappointed but sick of this "career first" crap. So, I am still reviewing divorce just in case. You do the same, just face it as apossibility and it becomes less and less powerful over you.It has for me.Be back later.

October

With the kind of attitude your wife has the chances of your marriage being saved is nil. A legal separation will only continue the emotional rollercoaster ride. IMO you are going to gain nothing from living separately. You can be assured that she will be dating other men during that time.
My advice is to file for divorce and move on with your life. Her actions and attitude shows that she has no interest in saving the marriage.

^^^ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yosh, if I may suggest something? You might want to read up a bit on the MB principles. You seem to often jump directly to the "end everything" solution, which is not always the best way to make it to the goal of remaining married.

And Devastated Dad, I'll just say one thing: Dating while still married is different from infidelity how, exactly? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

DD,

I'm in the similar situation, except my wife has moved out already. It amazes me how a woman can leave a marriage and children, the children she carried for nine months. I wish I could offer some sound advice that would make you feel better/stronger, but I cannot. After all of this time I am waiting for something to happen that would trigger my wife to return to me and my children. Will it happen? I don't know.

I wish you the best

Similar as well.

It's just past 8 months since my WW left on DDAY.

She seems to have little problem with not talking to me. And has cut out all are friends from her life, her choice.

Maybe some affairs or maybe many aren't that bad after leaving everyone behind.

It is interesting that you WW calls her relationships dating. The OM keeps telling his wife that his relationship with my WW is one of just dating.

WW did call it an A while we were together but she seems to feel that since she is not living with me that she is single. I told her that she was still a married woman and should not be dating anyone. She says she has not seen the OM but she told me flat out that if she meets a man she wants to date she is going to. Come to find out she has been out to lunch & dinner with him already. I gave her a divorce worksheet today. Plan on talking to a lawyer tomorrow. Sad to say but my the woman I loved for 13 years has been transformed into a beautifull woman who seems destined to be the town pump! Not much more to do here I guess. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hi DD,

I am sorry to hear about your wife and her decisions.I also know how hard it must be for you to bt the one to start the divorce rolling.I may be there too pretty soon.It sux big time.I have watched my husband of 13 years(and together 20) become someone else too although not for the better.I just hope that she doesn't wake up one day and say "What have I done?". It sounds like you have done your utmost best throughout this all and you are to be commended.

Keep us posted.

October.

I am exactly in your sitch. I have been married 19 years to my W who is now 49. My W wanted to separate to think about the marriage away from me. 3 months later, she met old friend and start sleeping over at his house almost immediatly. When I confronted her about it, she told me "I never told you I wasn't going to date." We were supposed to be working on our marriage. She says her 'dating' is not adultery because she and I are not living together. Now she is cheating on the OM with a married man. Mine has also transformed herself from a chubby, cute but happy wife into a beautiful but wanton S--- that is out for as many sexual conquests as she can get.

She loved Plan B. It gave her lots of freedom to pursue her 'nocturnal activities'. Last Thursday she told me Plan B is making her pull futher away from me. She wants to date me (provided there is no sex) but still wants to continue her relationships with other men, AND if I can't handle it, for me to file for divorce. She told me that she lived for her mother, her daughter, me and her work and now it was time for her to live for herself. So be it!

I have decided to file for divorce. It's not that I can't handle it..... I won't handle it.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Firebird,

2x4 ... why you still listen to WW in plan B ?. NC or separation is not plan B. I would not file (unless you need to protect yourself). Let her file.

Never react to the fog.

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
<strong> Firebird,

2x4 ... why you still listen to WW in plan B ?. NC or separation is not plan B. I would not file (unless you need to protect yourself). Let her file.

Never react to the fog.

-rh- </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">rh,
The whack was justly given and gratefully received. No, I don't need to protect myself at this time financially or legally.

Thanks.