This is going to be a really difficult time for me this year. My first D-Day was between Christmas Day 2002 and New Year's Eve. What had typically been a joyous occasion for our family will always be marred in my mind.

Here, we were playing happy host and hostess to our family on Christmas Day, and the whole time, he was sending text messages to his slutty slag in Ohio. Here, I was vowing to be a better Christian, a better wife and to be more physically responsible as one of my New Year's commitments, and the whole time, he was carrying on with her! Probably trying to explain why he couldn't be there.

We have been working so hard in recovery, but I know this won't be easy. There are so many triggers and I don't want to ruin things. H is so excited and optimistic; so am I in some respects. But . . . he was excited and optimistic LAST YEAR!

Sighhhhh . . .

Hi there,

It's not a happy time for me that much either. I found out about husbands affair in my favorite time of the year,Fall, and my favorite month that also includes our Anniversary,October and now we have multiple birthdays and first Thanksgiving and Christmas with the knowledge of the stupid affair.It will also be the first holiday gatherings with both families knowing what happened and that is going to be majorly awkward.

I'm not looking forward to it that much although at certain times during the day, I "forget" about my WH and actually enjoy some parts of the season,like shopping for gifts or decorations sans WH.I wish I could feel like more often! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh well. I will have to try to handle myself with the utmost dignity that I can.At least both families are on "MY side"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> No,really they have been sooo supportive.Keep pushing those bad thoughts out and think about replacing them with the good ones,make good ones this year.

October

Thank you, Octobergirl! I will definitely try. We just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary last month. It was pretty emotional because I know that a few months ago, I never imagined either doing it or even looking forward to doing it. After everything we've been through in the last year, this was a real milestone.

I think you said the operative word: "dignity." I will definitely be trying to conduct myself with that. One thing my counselor told me during our session today was that H and I had become very adept at projecting an image of success and happiness that when something happened that ruined the image, we both become off-kilter.

I'm like you I think in that I too projected an "image" ,that of the perfect couple and marriage and family,or at least that's what I thought I had(well, I still do just not the HUSBAND).What a blow to realize I didn't.

I like your quote at the bottom.I also like this one:

"Peace through superior firepower". lol


Oct <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Here's my offering.

There are always triggers, and they are hardest when they are fresh. Just like the addiction and withdrawal of the A, the pain caused by the trigger (dates, events, whatever) will ease gradually over time.

In keeping with the Policy of Radical Honesty, I think you should sit down with your spouse, lovingly and calmly tell him, "I am not bringing this up because I want you to feel badly, but I just want you to know, in all fairness, what the next (week[s], months, whatever) are going to be like for me. Because it will remind me of the last time we experienced this holiday, there will be times that I may appear to withdraw, I may cry unexpectedly, or otherwise exhibit unhappy behavior. This does not mean I am unhappy. It is just that my mind is (unwillingly) reminding me of things I would rather forget. It is only because I love you so much that I want you to understand if I seem different or distant over the next few weeks. It will help me a great deal if you would show me a little extra support and affection until I get through this."

So you have laid your cards and your emotions on the table. You have reached out to him, told him of your love and asked for his support and acceptance.

For what it's worth...

*S*