FELINA,

I just started posting here and felt just as you describe you and your friend feel. My friend on MB encouraged me to post and although I'm just a beginner, I'm glad I took the plunge. What I see is that truly "love is love", as you say which is why we seem to have a common ground for a discussion regardless of what type of body houses the heart. Good luck to you both.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My best friend is, and is in your exact situation (almost). Love is love, and relationships are relationships no matter if it's H/W or same-sex. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Just J", I'm confused about your post.

I can't give you a definitive answer because we are all such stimulus reponse beings. When I feel strong, I believe I can hold my own and not break down in tears. When I feel myself gripped by passions stimulated by circumstance or an interaction with WP, I am less strong and apt to cry. But I haven't in over a week now. How long can I keep it together? I don't really know. It's day by day, moment to moment. Those moments, I hope, will add up to days and weeks and months and....

Being basically a very private person, I have not discussed my feelings in this way since all this happened. Even with my friend on MB. Shedding light on my situation, and just being able to e-mail you, discuss it with a live group of MB'ers and post has given me a bit of strength.

Can I predict what my response will be in ANY circumstance? No. I can't. But I feel I am gaining some tools, some good advice and maybe even some emotional support to help me cross that shaky bridge when I get to it.

Am I confused about Plan A, Plan B? Yes. Do I think anyone out there has THE answer? No. But I'm finding a lot of personal experience and many kind hearts. MB seems to have neutral and sound thinking. I am at a loss, literally and figuratively, so I am grateful for any opportunity to get help. And when I can, one day, be in a position to offer help.

Solo

Ok, day by day is a fine answer, as far as I'm concerned. I think what I would suggest is that you plan for a solid two months of Plan A. Maybe you won't be able to do it for that long, but that's all right -- it gives you an end point and if long enough to do what we need to do in Plan A.

So what do you do in Plan A?

- Yes, you play music with your partner.
- Yes, you contact her to do it.
- Yes, you make light conversation.
- No, you never ever address your relationship, except to say occasionally that you want to reconcile with her.
- Is there anything else you can do together that would be light entertainment and not weird? Anything with the dog or the house? How about all that yard work? That sounds like a good way to spend a weekend.

Probably that's enough for the first couple of weeks. Just a gentle, very slight movement back towards friendly territory and a lack of animosity, along with doing one thing together that you really, really enjoy.

Now, while you're doing that, the rest of it is getting ready for Plan B. It may be relatively easy for you, but here's what you need to think about:

- Ending any transfers of money from you to anything that pays for her.
- Figuring out who your intermediaries will be.
- Figuring out how to stay out of her way when she realizes you're serious about it.

In a couple of weeks, we'll get to the letter-writing part of Plan B, but let's focus for the moment on this stuff. Does that sound like a workable plan?

Thanks, J. That sounds good to me. I'll keep you posted on how things go.

Solo

Please do! I hope it's going well. Remember, you don't have to become a new person overnight. Just focus on making the atmosphere friendly and fun, and make a very slight increase in the time you spend with her. Don't OD; this is hard stuff!

Oh, and one more thing. NO CRYING! (Just think of Tom Hanks yelling, "There is no crying in baseball!") Crying is completely understandable. It's also a poor strategy to re-win someone you love. So cry when you have to, but do it by yourself and never where your partner can see it. To your partner, you are strong, healthy, and cheerful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />