My husband is trying to end his affair but she keeps calling his cell phone and making it difficult for him to forget about her. Consequently, he hides his phone from me and I keep checking his messages. As long as this keeps going on, we can't begin to work things out in our marriage. Isn't there a legal way to stop the OW from calling my husband's cell phone? Changing the number doesn't work.

<small>[ November 27, 2003, 02:23 AM: Message edited by: D D P ]</small>

He can file an RO (restraining order). Check out the laws with your local fanily court system or contact your local law enforcement agency.

L.

Thanks, but he doesn't want to stop her from calling, I do. He is in love with her but doesn't want to lose his marriage to me. When she calls, he can't ignore her.

Ah yes, the KISA (knight in shinning armor) syndrome. A great male ego boost but what can you do?
Why not explain to him that while you can understand why she chose him (an ego boost for him) that holding on to him is to her own detriment and that he should tell her that if he were single and not in love with you, that he would undoubtedly be with her. Why the heck would you want him to say such a thing? Because, like you, she is a woman and the worse thing for a woman is to feel that the man whom she fell in love with never felt any love for her. You would be surprised how empathy ,even for those that are so undeserving ot it, can yield great results for you.

<small>[ November 27, 2003, 03:01 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

D D P, what do you think of what TMCM said? I think it's brilliant! Use it ... let us know what's up with you.

Stung By A Bee, I agree. I can see that TMCM has been very supportive to MANY people in this forum. I like his/her user name, too! I am new to this site, but I have read and printed almost everything on it that relates to infidelity, and it has been enormously helpful and comforting to me. I am in the process of writing out my entire story and hope to post it tomorrow or the next day. It's pretty long and emotional, so I'm going to try condensing it a bit before posting it. Nevertheless, you all will be hearing from me soon and I look forward to any feedback you may have for me. Thanks! DDP

Hi DDP its me again, I just saw this post, and again wanted to respond quickly.

Now this is something I definitely relate to! OW kept calling my H also, at work, cell, even paging him with ridiculous little messages, when he would be home with me and have cell off. (actually she still calls his place of business, here at home, to this day, but never speaks just hangs up, but that is a whole other story) This drove me CRAZY but there was NOTHING I could do, see, he had to be the one to let her know that he wanted NC and stick to it.

You said yourself he does not want her to stop calling, nor does he want to take steps to make her stop. HE is sending OW mixed messages just as he is sending you. Definitely in the A fog. Real recovery cannot begin until HE decides on NC and means it. HE should send her a NC letter, although I gather he is not ready for this step. The only thing you can do right now is continue plan A or move to plan B, but I am not sure you are ready for that yet and that's perfectly OK, It may never need to come to that.

I used to spend a lot of time preoccupied with OW actions, and worry since she always finds H no matter how many times he changes jobs, etc., that she may show up again one day. Now I don't. I cant control her actions, I cant even control his. If she does ever, then I will just have to trust him to handle appropriately, and do my best to prevent the problems in our M that made him vulnerable to OW in the first place. That's it.

I know you two are along way from this but believe me I have been where you are, and it worked out, although sometimes it did seem impossible. Hang in there. Keep us posted.

I think the its quiet difficult for a man to have one woman in his life no matter how much he convince you that his no longer calling her and that you are his only woman my boyfriend he says am the only one in his life but woman have a nerve to phone and when i answer the phone they even have the guts to ask to talk to him and i tend to look stupid or too desperate for him and i feel cheated