checkers...Im quite certain you would not espouse the idea of telling kids things which they are not emotionally ready for and the same thing goes for adults. some are not ready for certain things which are traumatic. no matter their age.

1. We are not talking about children.

2. Who decides when an adult is not mature to handle life, especially something as common as infidelity. Who is your "keeper" checker, who do you give parental rights to decide what you can know or not? No one I suspect.

And even if you could defend the notion adults should have things witheld from them without their permission (which you cannot defend)...you certainly cannot argue that sarie (who has a tremendous conflict of interest issue) has the right. And that is the point of this thread (and others).

But just for the sake of argument checkers, who decides what an adult should know about their life?

Checkers,

I do understand your frustration with my comments to Sarie. But, I think you misunderstand my motive. As someone said she is being backed in to a corner. She is NOT ready to tell her H, or even work on her marriage. She has not posted a single question addressing what she can do to make her marriage stronger. She is not a child, she and her H are in their 50's, she helped nurse a critically ill man to health. She has betrayed her H for 10 years. So rather than see her beat up, I recommended she leave until she has questions pertaining to her marriage and how to improve it.

I would agree with your assessment that "one size" doesn't fit all, save this one point. I BELIEVE and KNOW from experience, that HONESTY does fit all. Period,end of story. The fact that a marriage remains does not mean it is functional or even good. I am NOT for a marriage at all costs. The fact of the matter is that Sarie was not happy in her marriage, and she is NOT happy now. It is something she accepts, but would definitely prefer the OM, she has said as much. Frankly, the honest thing to do would be to divorce her H, and make official what has already occured.

But, the final thing to say is that these are MY opinions. You are entitled to yours, and frankly I wish you had posted earlier. She would have liked your message much more than mine. Perhaps she will come back, and read yours. I am sure she will be delighted to see that someone agrees with her that her H should live the life on the ignorant.

I just don't happen to agree. And Yes I do believe telling someone who is terminally ill that they are is the BEST thing to do. It allows them a chance to order their affairs, make peace with their maker, and with their family if they have one. It is the only HONEST thing to do. Finally, most people I have known that were terminally ill, realized it deep in their bones, they knew or strongly suspected. The truth just confirmed what they feared but suspected.

So please feel free to post to Sarie. It will make her very happy to think someone agrees with her. I am not here to make her happy. I am here to offer suggestions on how to improve her marriage, and her life. Frankly, if she feels that OM is her best choice she should be honest with herself and her H. Her children are grown, so there is no family responsibilities, save that of role model. But, she has already failed at that. She just doesn't want to admit it.

God Bless,

JL

hi coffee man. marriage board nazis. thats good. I believe sarie said she would leave the board. was she not asked to? I was only encourageing some of you to be tolerant of her situation. there was nothing intolerant in my posting. sulf ole boy I like the ( ) you certainly told me sure nuf. listen up O wise one who dicides on what adults can know and not know. judges every day, institutions every day, your government every day. if you knew half of what was kept from you you'd be shocked out of your sanctimony. just learning would you dare say you are honest? you said honesty is the best fit always I think? have you never misrepresented anything. kept anything to ourself, never stole anything. that last question is one used to measure honestly on the mmpi. personality psy test. who ususally trips up on that. preachers. too, it seems the fundalmentalist types of people.(cut and dried) have more divorces, more problems than most. statistics do bear this out. is being honest a matter of degree? small things don't count? All im muttering here is give sarie some time. be patient? isnt it possible she just might come around? just comments from the ward. sulfy ole boy try and remember that not all adults are adults. some think they know everything like many adolescents. guess what some never grow out of that stage take care folks

Checkers,

Whether I have lied in my past or not, is NOT relavent. The fact of the matter is that HONESTY is best. My behavior good or bad does not change that. So she gets my BEST advice. It is highly unlikely that we will ever meet, but you would be surprised at who/what you would meet. You yourself would be well advised to reserve judgement of other people.

But, one thing you can be sure of, and Coffeeman mentioned it. The posts to Sarie were our best efforts to help her, not hurt her. You may disagree, that is your choice. But, our best efforts are based on our experiences in life and our beliefs. I would think your comments reflect yours.

If I felt my approach was flawed I would not have given it. It may prove to be flawed, but that is a different situation. I can only know what I know of her situation.

I am sure you are right about one thing. She is thinking, but until she starts to think less of her OM, and more about her marriage, and her family, then I still think my advice was sound. Why?

Because even Harley points out that ending the affair is the CHOICE of the person in it. The BS can do little except offer to accept them back if/when the affair ends. As for themselves, the BS can work on their approach to the marriage, but still the ending of the affair is for the WS/OP to deal with. Sarie, hasn't really ended the affair yet. At best she is in withdrawal. So I expect that my suggestions like many others are really not considered by her.

That is as it is. Hopefully, as she processes things she will come back. If not, then being nice to her would not have helped. All of this is her choice and she knows that much.

So please do post to her and offer you advice for how she should be addressing this. As I said before, she might like it a lot more, and perhaps your suggestions will be the ones that strike a chord with her and motivate her to become either in her marriage or with her OM, but not both together.

God Bless,

JL

There is no malice...
no personal investment too want to see Sarie "tell"...
there is nothing but people stating the fact..
that if you desire an honest, truly intimate marriage/union between two people..
if that is what you desire...
then the only way to do that...it to build it on honesty...
honestly..

it is not now nor ever wrong to tell someone that...

sudbf's words moved me...and may actually make the top ten best posting/advice I have read..

This is not about pros and cons, this is about morality, ethics, and right wrong.... it is not the affair that is so bad....it is the deciet that injures. The worst thing you can do to a human being is turn them into an object, dehumanize them, and the way you do this is take away their freewill to order ones life as we see fit.

pearls of wisdom...with no malice..
just the reality of this situation no matter how you try to spin it differently...

You will not have a marriage until you give back your H humanity and he freely chooses you, you will only be his jailor. His happiness or unhappiness is none of your business, he is a man, a human being, a sovereign individual, how dare you decide what he can and cannot deal with.

a sovereign individual..I love that line...

I too believe Sarie is lost right now.....
I believe if her OM hadn't found someone to marry..she wouldn't be here..

she's not here because of some revelation that she, the OM and her husband...are all worthy of honesty in their lives...
she's here because he left her for another woman...

The truth is not as cruel as the actions that made the truth...

we can say what all the good things we want to be true about ourselves..
compassionate
loving
caring
honest..
but when our actions do not create these things...the words are empty...

that's reality...

ARK
I'm gonna start looking at other people in my life as sovereign indivuals...I like that...that's a neat thought..

checkers... sulf ole boy I like the ( ) you certainly told me sure nuf. listen up O wise one who dicides on what adults can know and not know. judges every day, institutions every day, your government every day.

sufdb...You missed the point, these are people who have power and other agendas...we are talking about personal relationships...that was the context of the question, should have been clear, so I say again...who decides? Who have you (checkers) voluntarily given over the power to decide your life? Anyone? If you are married, do you ackowledge your spouses has a right to decide what you should and shouldn't know (about YOUR life)? Or do you prefer and expect honesty, and reserve for yourself the right to determine your own life (and responses to stuff in it).

checkers...if you knew half of what was kept from you you'd be shocked out of your sanctimony.

sufdb...Shocked? Why? I know people decieve people all the time, it is an awful thing...all one can do is try and choose to be in healthy relationships, and make known that you expect honesty...I also am certain a relationship suffers when deception is part of it, so why wouldn't one promote honesty?

checkers...just learning would you dare say you are honest? you said honesty is the best fit always I think? have you never misrepresented anything. kept anything to ourself, never stole anything. that last question is one used to measure honestly on the mmpi. personality psy test.

checkers...You seem to be missing the point. This is not about who is the better person, we are promoting a principle that impacts relationships, all the time, no exceptions. You jump off a cliff, gravity kills you, everytime....you deceive in a relationship, and it is diminished...every time. Do you agree with this? Sarie is not being taken to task for decieveing, she is arguing it is ok to continue the deciet, and speculateing that she has a right to decide someone elses life, we are are refuting that premise....and pointing out the user someone is who conciously decides to trick someone into being with them. We are asking her (in so many words) to live up to being the good person she says she is. If she says she is instead a sociopath, doesn't care about anyone but herself, and will make her choices accordingly, then no one would bother....capish?

checkers..is being honest a matter of degree? small things don't count? All im muttering here is give sarie some time. be patient? isnt it possible she just might come around?

sufdb...That wasn't all you were muttering, you took a position about honesty in relationships, so got a response. Howeve, I agree that sarie (who I don't think is real anyways, but on offchance she is, and others benefit from these kinds of discussions so is worth the effort) shouldn't rush out and throw herself at someones feet...if she were asking about how to tell, she would recieve advice re having a plan and considering relevant factors to such an emotional revelation. I imagine this thread has pretty much run its course, she has heard what she needs to hear, and will according to who sarie really is tempermentally, decide what she is going to do...we can only hope (for her H and kids sake) he didn't choose a sociopathic wife, and she will choose honesty.

checkers... sulfy ole boy try and remember that not all adults are adults.

sufdb...I disagree, you are essentially an adult when you can reproduce...but I am willing to grant a few more years for a structured maturing and mentoring into the "job"....after 19-21 though, you are on your own (in the sense of being an adult, regardless of any immature behaviour you may express). In any event we are talking about people (sarie and her H) who are in their 50's, by any standards one cares to use, they are adults.

<small>[ December 02, 2003, 10:18 AM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sufdb:
<strong> cons, only one.....violence...but if that is possible you should not be in the marriage anyways, and should leave.

There are other cons if one does not seek true intimacy, all the usual self-serving cons, having to deal with loss of respect for you, others unhappiness, etc. etc. If you want to use your H by removing his right to decide how to live his life, than it makes sense to weigh the pros and cons....of course that makes you a user of people, trying to decieve everyone you know about who you really are....not sure where that fits in to being a good person.

Sarie, you act as if you have a choice in the matter...you don't. There is no argument you can choose which will grant you the right to decieve your H of information we both know he has every right too. This is not about pros and cons, this is about morality, ethics, and right wrong.... it is not the affair that is so bad....it is the deciet that injures. The worst thing you can do to a human being is turn them into an object, dehumanize them, and the way you do this is take away their freewill to order ones life as we see fit. You cannot do this when you don't know all the truth about your life. You are one scarey person sarie, you would rob your H of his humanity, and say you love him.....you are using him, for what you want, a happy family, and to be thought of as a good woman. Well, you can get what you want, by stealing your H humanity, that makes you a sociopath...no matter what excuses you use.

re the affair, you apparently don't realize affairs never end until they are revealed....it will always be a special secret place for you..where your H doesn't live. It can't end until you allow him into that place, until he knows all you know....until that time another man has a part of you....

The thing about choices sarie is there are consequences, unescapable consequences. The "cost" of having an affair, is you will have to reveal it or divorce your spouse. If you stay married and keep it a secret you fatally damage your spouse by stealing their humanity....no matter how well you think you can juggle this, the damage is done, and will spread like cancer...it is spreading at this moment...your marriage ended when the affair started, you have using your H for 10 years, and continue to use him...makes no difference whether you see the om or not, the affair is still going on as long as the secret goes on. Affairs are not about ones body, or presence, or talks or letters....affairs live in the secret...and yours is still very much alive. You will not have a marriage until you give back your H humanity and he freely chooses you, you will only be his jailor. His happiness or unhappiness is none of your business, he is a man, a human being, a sovereign individual, how dare you decide what he can and cannot deal with. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">~~~~~~~~WOW~~~~~~~~

I sooooo agree.

Amazing!

Pep

want2shine,

I thought I'd chime in here. I have read numerous posts from various BS. And I did not get the impression that anyone is "excusing" bad behavior. You excuse someone when they belch at the table or step on your toe.

I for one will never excuse my WH behavior. Perhaps someday I will learn to forgive but I don't know when that day is. But I do know that if I had walked out that 6 months, a year, 5 years, whatever I would have regretted not trying to rebuild my marriage. I do believe he's sorry and I do see now how he was trying to end the PA but just didn't have the strength or emotional fortitude to do it.

My WH did a terribe, heinous thing. Is he a "bad" person? I would like to give myself a little more credit than that and not believe that I chose to spend my life with a "bad" person. Granted, when I first found out about it, I probably would have felt better if he was confessing to be a serial killer instead of screwing someone else for the last 2 years. But, alas, since he wasn't we gotta figure out where to go from here. But believe me, he is not excused.

Sarie,

I had to chime in here too. Granted I am very new to this forum and I really don't have a lot to offer but I read your story and I was compelled to write. I too am a registered nurse and know only too well the Florence Nightengale Syndrome. It is a generalization but I have seen it more often than not. We want to "save" everyone, even if it means being the martyr. You were there for the OM when he was sick and dying and now you don't want to tell your husband because you don't want to inflict so much pain on him. It is pounded into our heads from the first day of nursing school to "do no harm." And we do whatever we can for our patients/clients. We know what's right. They should listen to us!!! Well, early in my career I was the little idealistic nurse too until a brick finally hit me on the head and I realized that people are going to do whatever the hell they want to do. And it is not my job to live someone else's life for them. My job is to give the information so they can make an informed decision. I am sure you have in some way taken a class on professional ethics...it's called paternalism and it is unethical. Another thing they pounded into our heads in school is to accept responsibility for your actions. But you know all this. And you know what to do. LOL...we nurses are good at this kind of thing. If we don't get the answer that we want we keep asking until we get the answer we do want. But we can accomplish amazing things and I have met some of the most incredible intelligent and compassionate people in my profession.
Furthermore, the reason you did not feel any guilt was not because you had such love for this OM, in my opinion. It is because another thing we are good at is compartmentalizing. We cannot possibly care for every person that we try to help and their families. We cannot possibly get emotionally involved in every sad case we come across. It would drive us insane if we did. So we learn to build walls that don't allow us to feel such guilt or pain. If we didn't we would be crying and depressed all the time. But there is always that one certain person, for whatever reason, that wiggles their way over that wall...perhaps in your case it was the OM. You know what to do. You just need to find the courage to do it.

<small>[ December 02, 2003, 05:34 PM: Message edited by: CrushedAndHeartbroken ]</small>

good post crushed. Makes sense to me, and if sarie is real, does contribute some understanding to possible explain the rationalizations/behaviours she is exhibiting.

<small>[ December 02, 2003, 06:42 PM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

hi again, its me, sulfi did you say that when one jumps off a cliff its always kills them? well you know what I 'd respond to that, and also, when one can reproduce they are an adult? ah you know better than that. 13 year olds reproduce and sometimes people live thru the dangest falls? the point ..exceptions. they do exist you know. not everyone dances to the same tune or hears the same music. and I wasnt trying to say anyone was better than anyone else. just the, throw the first stone stuff. all of us come up short and maybe we can give others the benifit of the doubt. I was only asking for tolerance. but, who knows, maybe she isnt real. however, what reward would someone get out of spinning such a story. as far as deceit goes in the end its we who deceive ourselves. while many of you have useful things to say for he benifit of those going throught bad times. its not a question of weather ,or not honesty is best, more a question of reaching someone in a way that they can accept. not a question of the intentions of some of you, but try to keep the cure from killing the patient. remember the exceptions sulfy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Checkers...

Tolerance is the enemy of love. If we truly care about Sarie, we're going to offer what we believe is best for her. It does no good to shield her from that. She came her looking for our thoughts. She got them. It mat not have been what she wanted, but she got honesty nonetheless.

I am appalled that you would suggest that someone who is terminally ill should not be told. I pray you are never entrusted with such information.

Ignorance is NEVER bliss. What you don't know CAN hurt you. Honesty, shown in love, is ALWAYS the best thing.

I have a lot of experience with dishonesty. I know it quite well. It is always destructive.

Low

Sarie,

You do feel guilty. You do want to rid yourself from that guilt.

You do love your husband. You do/did have special feelings for the OM. You are a special person. You do love your family. You do want to protect them from any hurt. You do want to protect yourself from hurt.

You do deserve to rid that burden off your chest. You do deserve to be free of the fear of it all one day coming out.

Set yourself free. Just do it. Its not going to get any better finding excuses not to. No, it will only get worse until it eats you up.

Tell him. Tell him everything.

When you have done it, be happy you found us, because we´ll help you understand and help you make it better again.

Gods speed.

Queen

Sufdb you hit the nail on the head as to why telling isn't a "choice".

When my H was deceiving me and my internal alarms were going off, I would beg and plead for him to tell me the truth. I would tell him that nothing he could have done would be as bad as not telling me. I told him that the worse part was being deceived by someone you love. That someone who loves you could so callously dehumanize you by keeping something this important from you was HORRIBLE, UNBEARABLE.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE HIM MAKING ME LIVE HIS LIE!!!!!!!!

I told him repeatedly that I felt I deserved the truth so I could make my own decisions, so I could deal with what I was up against with all the cards on the table.

It took him seeing me almost go insane or curl up and die to finally have him realize that telling me the truth wasn't a choice he had anymore...that if he didn't tell me I might not make it!

Truth from him was almost as necessary for me as food or breathing...I am not exaggerating here.

Sarie my H and I looked at his A as a near death experience and treated it as such.

Think of withholding this information from him like this...your M has a fatal disease and only you know this..your H hasn't been told...in order to cure the disease you both have to know what you are up against and team up to find the cure.

How many BS's here have told you that telling them was the best path...the not knowing is what was killing them??? What does this mean to you????

CrushedAndHeartbroken, Didn't intend to imply that everyone with infidelity in their past is a "bad person". Everyone sins, and only God knows the heart.

It is not up to us to judge in a final way if anyone is "good" or "bad", though we are to look at the fruit of lives and exercise discernment. I am a sinner in daily need of a savior myself! And my fwh is a lovely example of an adulterer redeemed.

I was just pointing out to Sarie that "I'm a good person" is a meaningless, over-used phrase that people in EVERY situation are eager to apply to themselves, as if it somehow cancels out the damaging effects of their bad behavior.

As in, "I realize I am lying to and actively deceiving my spouse--but, I'm a good person."

Perhaps she could examine the possibility that she is deceiving herself as well.

I think it is used as a way to deflect from the issues at hand, perhaps unconsciously.

Sorry I didn't express myself clearly!

Here's the original question posed in the title:

"What are the 'cons' of telling of a secret affair that is OVER"

Here are the 'cons' you are most afraid of ....

Your H will realize he is married to a complete stranger.

You will not 'look good' in his eyes.

You will be seen for who you actually have become.

A liar.

A cheat.

A fraud.

I guess that is the answer, as far as I'm concerned.

Pep

want2shine,

Thank God that your husband is redeemed. I pray that I can say that one day too. I do understand your previous point and I agree.

CAH

Hi Pepper and all.
All those things you just wrote will be revealed when I tell my husband...Inner secrets that will be so unbelievable for his dear ears to hear!

This is what I wrote Sally earlier today:
"I am considering telling my husband, the first of the year, of my long passionate and emotional affair;
It will be SO HARD, and it makes me cry right now just thinking of how to tell him and it breaks my heart how it will make him feel.

The thing is I still care very much for the OM and he feels the same for me (He always wanted me for keeps but couldn't have me so he moved on with his life and found someone else to share his life with and that is good!)

Our communication hasn't completely stopped.
I know when I tell my husband, I have to be willing and ready to stop all e-mails and phone calls. (My OM and I are both dedicated to NEVER being alone together again.)

I am certain my husband will forgive me, but I know how he is, he won't want to ever talk about it again and will hold the hurt inside of him.

How we will be able to heal our marriage after I tell him? I just don't know."

"Dear Lord Jesus, how I dread telling my husband this awful truth; Heavenly Father, PLEASE help me!"

Sincerely, Sarah that is still in a MAJOR BIG FOG!

<small>[ December 03, 2003, 05:22 PM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>

Sarah (pretty and small),

Stop the communications now. Make that a Christmas present to yourself, and your H. Then before you do tell your H, come here and people will offer you suggestions on how to approach this. There are many ways and depending on you and your H, some of the ways will be better than others.

As for your H hurting and not talking about this, there are approaches and tactics you can use to get your H to open up and talk. I don't know if you have read my posts to Sally, but that is what I am talking about.

But, there is something else you need to realize and I know you don't because you have not been focused on your H for a long time. The thing you need to realize is that MEN CHANGE. Yes, it is true. The rough tough, strong silent guy does change as he ages. As the hormones subside, he will start to see, feel, and approach things far differently. You want an example, the man that was focused on his career, took nothing from anyone, always played to win, is often the same man that as a Grandfather sits and plays with his Grandchildren while his kids look on with amazement. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> It is true, men change.

Why am I telling you this? Your H has changed alot in 10 years, and this particular 10 years I can tell you from experience is perhaps the largest change since he went through puberty. The man you are about to reconnect with may well need to talk, cry, and ask for help.

I have been on you hard because your age and the age of your H I understand having just been through it. I do remember being a teenager, much to the surpise of my children, but your age I do KNOW.

You have ignored and pigeonholed your H to such an extent that you really have no idea who he is now. You need to take a fresh look.

One last thing to ask you. Have you talked with him about your feelings about your son?? You need to do this and do it before the holidays. I may be wrong, but when you do I think you are going to be in for a huge surprise. My bet is your H NEEDS to talk about him as much as you do, but he has not for fear of hurting you as you seemed to get over it so well ( I know you didn't, and he may as well).

Talk with him on this subject, ask him how he feels, does he miss him, does he miss the dreams he had for him, and then ask him how the two of you could handle this better, so that neither of you are hurting as bad as you are now.

Sarah, someone wrote to Sally and perhaps you, describing the nurses ability to compartmentalize things and how it affects them and their relationships. I would ask you to consider this and knock down at least one wall: the one that you have put your son off behind. Knock it down, and ask your H to help.

God Bless,

JL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just Learning:
But, there is something else you need to realize and I know you don't because you have not been focused on your H for a long time. The thing you need to realize is that MEN CHANGE. Yes, it is true. The rough tough, strong silent guy does change as he ages. As the hormones subside, he will start to see, feel, and approach things far differently. You want an example, the man that was focused on his career, took nothing from anyone, always played to win, is often the same man that as a Grandfather sits and plays with his Grandchildren while his kids look on with amazement. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> It is true, men change.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i'll vouch for this. i about had a heart attack when i heard my dad, at 64, say the words, 'you always feed your spouse what they're hungry for in the manner they desire so that the life pair-bond continues.' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (after he said that, i kept looking at his neck to see if i could find the edge of the mask that the alien -- pretending to be my dad -- was wearing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

sarah, i agree with jl ... i believe you will be surprised by what your seemingly fragile and emotionally stunted husband is capable of accomplishing when given the truth about the state of his marriage.

Thanks for all the advice from everyone.
JL, I always copy and paste what you write to me (and sometimes what you write to others) and put in a special folder to read again when I am more ready. (More out of the FOG; I am still grieving over the loss of daily conversations with the OM.)

I think I see why I have been 'fighting' all the good advice to tell my husband of my affair and it is because I have not been willing to stop ALL communication with my OM.

That scares me so much to think of never talking with him again. We have shared so much over these past years.
Our conversations were about EVERYTHING, we were (are) great friends...I had hoped we could be friends FOREVER. It wasn't until coming to this site that I realized that could not be!

Now things have changed, we rarely talk; he has a new lady to share conversations with, he will no longer be lonely so I am not as needed by him as I have been these past 10 years.
We e-mail notes twice a week, just simple notes that anyone could read, maybe an occassional "I haven't forgotten you Sarah, and never will."or
"Seeing you at the post office today brought back a lot of wonderful memories." "You sure look pretty today, like always!" (He said that outside the post office.)
(We live in a small town and will occ. see one another.)

So now my attention and focus will be on my husband, as it should be.
I feel sad that it wasn't I that was able to end this relationship instead it was HIM.
And I know I HAVE to stop all communication if I want this to work. I will not tell my husband if I am going to keep on talking and e-mailing OM.

JL, I would like very much to know your story.
I would like to read the very first message you ever wrote here, if you could post it again, I would sure appreciate reading it.
(Start a new topic as I would like this one to disappear to page two!)
Sincerely, Sarah <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />