First, let me thank everyone who has been such a tremendous help to me in the past nine months seeing me through this terrible transition. I think it's time for me to sign-off -- though I know I won't be the first MBer to say that and change my mind later!

I wasn't successful in restoring my marriage. WH is clearly on his own path now; though he continues to engage in quasi-stalking behaviors, I don't think they'll ever lead to anything, and I will just have to wait for them to fade away over time. The Plan B silence on my side will continue forever; I don't want to be "friends" with this man.

His behavior at a public meeting this week led several friends to ask me if he is okay; they found his behavior "disturbing". As I always suspected, this isn't just a case of an A. It's the case of a man falling apart, with psychological problems I can't begin to touch. Perhaps the MB principles gave me something to do -- it kept me from feeling too helpless. Now when I see him I feel mostly pity.

I have been able to keep our reconstituted family together -- even under these trying circumstances. (And I have even developed a very unexpected crush on a beautiful foreign man way too young for me! That, too, will fade in time -- I suppose it's signs of life in me, something in me that wants change and renewal, a rejection of all this dreary pain. I'll take it as a sign of hope, a sign that I'm still alive inside.)

It appears OW's D and SIL will be leaving town soon -- so some of the supporting players in this drama will be swept away. Who knows what will happen? But I find it all less and less interesting. I have to clean up the mess that they have left behind. And it's probably better for me not to hang out on the MB board too much -- I have to think about jobs and work. I think it's time for me to hang it up and not think about all this stuff anymore. It's really time to give it up and move on.

But I can't promise not to lurk. Take care everybody, and keep up the good fight!

I've done a few "goodbye" posts too. LOL. It most definitely IS a sign of moving on. I can't remember who's signature line it's in, but someone related MB to the "Hotel California".... "YOU CAN CHECK OUT ANYTIME YOU LIKE, BUT YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I do mostly lurking as well. I just don't have it in me to help any of the newbies. I can't go "there" anymore, without it drastically affecting my emotional state. Instead, I look for familiar names, and look out for updates from them.

Enjoy your new life, and your MB hiatus. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We're always here if you feel the urge or need to vent or update or whatever.

Take care,
Karen

Sad to see you leaving AM, but I can understand your reasons.

You have come through a lot in the last 9 months. This is a sink or swim life event, and you are definitely not sinking. On the other hand, your WS is sinking (along with many, many others I suspect).

The ultimate irony is that these WSs thought that their lives would be BETTER for having had started their affairs, but infact, they end up in a WORSE state than the BSs. They think that their affair will make their lives all better, but it only messes everything up.

You are a strong person, and you will swim through this.

Go well.

Sorry to see you go. But you are right, you do have a life without WH. I think that is one of the great things about Plan B - you do realize that you can go on. Time for you to develop lots of crushes on delicious new men. Go out and have some fun for a change. You can go forward knowing you gave it your best.

AM, I for one am very happy that you're ready to focus on other things. I do hope you'll check back in on us here, but I know that you'll thrive no matter what's going on. Good luck, and please do post occasionally and let us know how things are going for you.

Annamarie, don't go! Even though you have decided to move on, others could sure benefit from your experience and knowledge. Besides, I love your little hard headed ways! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Beside you 'll miss SFBayAreaMBer announcement ... I think your D enjoy her last visit.

-rh-

Dear A.M.,

After 9 months you've given birth <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> to new understanding, going on to a new level of strength! It seems right for you to focus on other things, have laughter and light in your day.

You are strong, bright and funny. I have personally benefited from your wisdom and wouldn't mind a few of your posts now and again. And, on those days when you need us, when the fates give you that little pinch <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> , remember your friends at MB... we'll be here for you.

warmly, Solo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

redhat, I still laugh every time I think about the time you said to Annamarie:

"HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING SAKE???"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!

Oh my goodness! This is getting such a postmortem feel, and I didn't mean it to! Mostly, I realize I've been playing the Widow H. too long -- sitting at my window with a candle and church missal. Not that I've really been doing those things, or that I haven't been having fun in my life -- but something in me is still being starved and I need to cut loose a bit or (believe me) I will REALLY cut loose and do something counterproductive. Like have a wild A with a wildly younger man.

Having a brief crush from seven months ago revived made me realize a lot of things. Among them, it made me realize that however illusory and imaginary and far-fetched the object of it is, at this point it has a better chance for a long-term R than my marriage does! That was depressing. But there were more depressing revelations to come. (Among them: OW will be coming back in a week for a one-month "visit." I've heard she and H have decided to "work on" their R. Pull the other one, it's got bells on it! Nonetheless, more scenes of denouement to come over Christmas. Ho, ho, ho. Happy New Year to all!)

Basically, as I said to Solo tonight, I feel I am more a comedienne than a tragedienne. I was made for Noel Coward, not Euripides. And somehow in the last year I feel like a character out of "Private Lives" or "Hay Fever" who has mysteriously been cast as Jocasta or Medea. My H is coming unglued big-time, and I just don't want to be the sad-faced woman sitting on the sidelines, waiting. I need to cut loose, and I'm not really sure how without having an A of my own. I need to do something a bit more dionysian, and I'm not sure what it is yet. Being on MB has been a superb help, and knowing that my H's "script" is not so different from the others. But I need to stop reading these scripts. Bad playrighting. Trite lines.

So my decision to exit MB, whether wise or long-term, is simply a desire to breathe again -- to breathe something besides my life as a widow. I'm happy, I'm healthy, I'm doing fun things -- but in a small community where everyone is known and friendly -- I still have this bereaved role.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong>"HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING SAKE???"</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's 2x4 ala west coast, LOL!.

AM,
If the pond is too small for the fish, change the pond ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , plenty of hang out place around the city of San Francisco. December SFBayAreaMBer is not going to happen but if you want to meet w/ us, you could call T1 or Orchid.

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh my goodness! This is getting such a postmortem feel, and I didn't mean it to! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't worry A.M.. We were not going to get out the Irish Whiskey and sing strains of "Oh Danny Boy"! I think we're just applauding your new resolve a la "the Unsinkable Molly Brown".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Something in me is still being starved and I need to cut loose a bit or (believe me) I will REALLY cut loose and do something counterproductive. Like have a wild A with a wildly younger man. I need to cut loose, and I'm not really sure how without having an A of my own. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Somewhere between being a younger Medea and an older Juliet, someone out there has got to have some suggestions! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well, A.M.M,

I have been staying away mostly myself.

I appreciate the help and comraderie (sp?).

Behave yourself! (and don"t get hurt).

-AD

AD, How ARE you? You have my private email..."addy" do we call them? Write when you feel like it!