Last year when I ask my husband if he spoke to OW on his cell phone he said no. He got very angry and we ended up in a huge fight over it. It has come to light that I know 100% proof that he did indeed speak to her and lied to me. A little back ground and then my question. Please any feedback would be much appreciated. I had stayed home from work on this paticular day and in the morning the phone rang and the caller id indiciated that it was from the OW. She did not leave a message. My husband was in training classes all week through his work. Which the OW's husband and my husband work together. Thats the connection. I had a gut feeling that she was trying to find my husband when she tried his cell phone and he did not answer. Most likely his phone was with him but turned off while he was in training. And since she did not know that he was in training she must of thought he was at home is why she called our home in the first place. I got very upset and called he back and I said into her answering machine, of course she pretends not to be at home by not picking up the phone. That I thought it funny that she did not leave a message and why would she be calling our home that early in the morning when she had no idea that I had stayed home from work. That she never called my work number to find out that I was not there that day. I can get into my voice mail at work from my home phone and no messages where from her. The OW and I were very good friends until I pieced the puzzle together regarding her and my husband and their EA. I left several messages on her answering machine and her cell phone. She finally got back to me much later in the afternoon and said she was just trying to find where her husband was that morning and thought my husband might be able to tell her. Which is the same story my husband came up with. He told me when I asked if he spoke to her he said just for a minute is all. This was around 4:30 in the afternoon when I spoke to him on his cell phone while he was returning home from his training. Well dont ask me how I got hold of her cell phone bill for the entire year and it shows that he spoke to her a total of a half hour while he was at lunch and almost a half hour before he spoke to me on his way home. All the while I was made to think I was being overly sensative, that I was the one who had the problem with her and I should learn to better deal with what he claims that he is doing nothing wrong. That he's tired of walking on egg shells all the time since I discover his EA. You know shifting all the blame on me making me think I was crazy and an over active imagination. I just discover this information this week. And I have not told him I know that he lied to me or that I have her cell bills and it has me thinking the were coming up with a mutual story and getting their facts straight and who knows what else that day. What now after almost an entire year has passed? They have had few conversations during the year from what I can tell on her cell phone bills. I am waiting for her home phone bill soon and will know the entire picture by the end of this month. What do I do with the fact that he lied about that and OW and husband where in cohots about the whole thing? PS...I am a Private detective by nature.

Hi eyespy,

I am just now going through the same thing,cell phone BS. My instincts are so on it's unbelievable.I just know my WH is lying to me too,I can hear the slightest intonation in his voice,it's a dead givaway.

I have gotten a lot of info on my own but would love to talk to you about "other stuff" any idea how I can talk to you in "private?


october

eyespy, when you gather all of your information, I would confront him with it. The problem with this whole scenario is that you are not in recovery because the affair has never ended. It can't ever go forward because they are still in contact with each other.

You can't force him to end contact, but you can set your own boundaries and should probably consider moving to Plan B if you can't get a decent commitment from him. A good commitment would be to change jobs and send a letter of no contact. It sounds like he has been on the fence for a very long time and having a great old time.

I would also talk to the OW's husband and show him your evidence. If you can help it, I wouldn't tell your H how you know about these calls. All you have to do is produce day and time and tell him you know they spoke on those days.

The bigger problem is that we found out that she was having an affair last year and my husband did inform OW's husband of this. OW's husband was not your typically reaction. I dont think he cares to be honest. and she never seems to care if she is caught doing anything a married couple should not be doing. OW's husband got her a nextel phone and programed my husbands two way number in hers as well as his cell number and when he knew I did not want OW calling. Can you believe it? My husband has worked very very hard for the position he has at his work. Even I would or could not ask him to quit his job. I know many things about OW that would and could destroy her and I almost have a letter finished, telling her to leave us alone and let me husband and OW's husband just remain on a professional level regarding work and nothing else and if she breaks any of my conditions I am prepared to tell all to all involved parties. I am going to send it regeristered mail to her. What do you think. And I want so bad to confront him about what they talked about for over an hour that day. To tell him "thanks for making me think I was the crazy one" The more I think of it the more mad I am getting. octobergirl you can email me at letshurry@aol.com

Hi again,

I agree that you shouldn't tell how you got the information but do say that you have proof.And regarding the letter to OW, I wouldn't send it.It's ammo for her,she could use in some way against you.Better to write a Plan B letter to your WH and at the end,include a message to OW about you wanting to work on your marriage and you love your husband,etc,etc.

Or call OW instead so there is nothing concrete to hold onto should everything come to blows.I would limit the amount of time you are spending on OW and refocus on you and your WH.She does not deserve a heads up display or any attention from you.Bring it back to what WH should be doing,not OW.Yes,we would all love to tell the OP to sod off but it wastes your time.

Lastly,do you have a yahoo account? I can't e-mail you to your aol account.To risky on my end.

O

I have to create a yahoo acct. hold on ok?