Well it's just about 9 months since my WW left on DDay to continue her affair. And 5+ months since she went N/C on me as she needed space.

Well I've respected her request for space and we've only talked 4 times and met once all very short. The time apart has allowed me to get stronger but

I don't know if it's the holidays or where I'am in my recovery but i feel like I have an ever increasing lump in my heart (for lack of a better place). I'm increasingly sad that your marriage may infact be over and that the woman I love cares little or nothing about our 12+ years together. Almost like I'm the badguy and don't exist in her mind or heart anymore.

I have tried a few dates but the dates are more companionship than anything emotional.

Does or has anyone else felt like this and what can I do for myself to feel emotionaly avaliable or ready to fully enjoy another woman's company or stay focused on my marriage though at this point I'm just sitting on the sidelines.

Don't miss read this as I would love for my WW to look in the direction of our marriage but she seems satisfied to leave everything about us including our friends in the past.

I guess what I'm really feeling is confusion and at a cross road not knowing if I should hope for my marriage or move on. Divorce is possiable in 3 months.

thanks

That lump telling you that you are not ready for R yet ... far from it. Stay away from dating ... companionship or romantic. Find local DV care via www.divorcecare.org . It is a support group. It is suck but you have to hang in there.

After my Dv, I thought I was ready <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> boy, was I wrong. Until I passed "forgiveness" for my exW, I was not ready. Finally I pass that point, she became irrelevant.

-rh-

The oncoming holidays are making you feel sad about the separation from your wife. It is normal under the circumstances. My advice is to arrange to get away during the holidays. Go to a warm resort where there will be lots of sunshine and bikinis which will help you feel less depressed. Look into going to a Club Med resort where you will be treated like a king.

hey GG,
that lump in your heart is pain and it just helps to prove that you're still alive and kicking, LOL after all pain is our body's way of lettting us know that we're still "there or here or somewhere."

from my experience it's the feeling of numbness that is to be most feared. when we get numb we humans seem to just not care anymore...give up and fade away.

my advice is to embrace the pain. love it as you love yourself. realize that you are good and deserve love...even if your WW doesn't seem to think so right now.

GG, we can't go through life expecting others to validate us as people...that's something we all must learn to do for ourselves...just as we all must learn to make ourselves happy.

not much help i know but i'm thinking of you and wishing you well.

coach

Hi GoodGuy

I understand perfectly how you feel. My situation is very similar to yours - my WH also acts like we've never had a relationship - since he left me about 8 months ago he has been very cold and distant, treating me like I'm a stranger or a person he never felt anything for.

I too think that the "lump" in your heart is the pain accumulated from the separation and the love you still feel for your W - surpressed anger could play a role also.
I think it's too early for you to form a new giving relationship with another woman. I know it's too early for me to date - my own healing has just begun.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> guess what I'm really feeling is confusion and at a cross road not knowing if I should hope for my marriage or move on. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually you could do both. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Move on in the direction of healing yourself, work on being a better and stronger person - Make changes in you/your life if anything needs to change for YOU to feel better. While doing that your hopes for your M to survive can still be present - and the chances for reconciliation will actually grow (IMO) when you are not confused about what you want. Dating will only prolong the process.

Hugs to you {{{{{GoodGuy}}}}}