I have been thinking about how the OW may feel regarding the EA and PA. My husband has been in a long-term EA for about eight years. What makes a person (OW) hold on for so long? I have read some of the things that he wrote to her in his emails. He says that somehow and somewhere he knows that they are meant to be together, he says "I love you" to her about a million times, misses her, calls her 'hottie' and 'soulmate' etc. If this person is SO right for him then why does he not go to her? Why stay with me and be miserable? Why wait so many years?

Sometimes I wonder if she feels the same about HIM? Maybe it is different for her? Maybe she doesn't feel quite as deep and just likes the admiration and attention?

Sometimes I wonder why OW/OM want to be the 2nd or 3rd person in someone's life? Always waiting for a chance to sneak away with him/her, waiting for those phone calls. Don't they ever get sad about being alone during weekends, holidays etc.

But maybe this IS the fire in the relationsship/affair. I don't know; I've never experienced this.

My best friend had several affairs a few years ago. I did not know this. I knew that she was unhappy in her marriage and I have encouraged her to seek help, but she did not feel that she needed outside counseling. She eventually started several affairs. Her husband found out about the last one and was extremely upset and hurt. She eventually moved out and that is when I found out about everything. She said that her new man was everything to her. He was also married with four small children. I was very upset with her and we did not speak for over three months. It did not work out with her MM and now she is divorced from her Ex and MM is also divorced, but living somewhere else. During the last 1.5 years, she has been trying to find a new relationship, but it has not worked out. It's been very hard for her and recently she broke down crying and she thought that maybe she made a mistake leaving her ex-husband. It's too late now, because he has since met a new woman and he has remarried. She has not had a steady relationship for the last 1.5 years since the A broke off.

Does this happen often? Is it common for people in A not to end up together even after divorce?

I was just thinking about those things today. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Kati

1st, my story condensed.......EX had been unhappy for a long time.....wanted divorce and to be with OM who was/is still married. We have 2 small children together. EX was granted divorce.....I met wonderful woman and remarried......EX is still waiting on OM to divorce. Its been 1-1/2yrs. My current wife is convinced the EX regrets her decision. Oh well.

Does this happen often? Is it common for people in A not to end up together even after divorce?
Usually, only 3-5% of people who get divorced over an affair end up married to the op.

They see what havoc caused in the lives of everyone invloved and see the op was not really that much different than the spouse they left.

The reality of every day life soon puts a damper on the fire of the affair.

And the ones who get married usually don't last.

<small>[ December 09, 2003, 05:17 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>