Background:
Our teenaged son has been playing baseball since he got involved in T-ball at age 5. He now plays High School Varsity baseball. Through the years he has needed new bats/gloves and other equipment which we usually replaced every year.

Today:
My WH is telling me that when I would buy a new glove or bat for our son without telling him that was the same as him keeping secrets/lying about his three EMA the past twelve years.

What do you guys think? Is this the same?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Toofargone:
<strong>What do you guys think? Is this the same? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It doesn't matter what we think ... what do you think ?.

It is an attempt of control and don't let him treat you this way. No LB but stand up. You let & teach people treat you.

-rh-

Let's suppose that two drivers are driving through a school zone while little elementary kids are walking home. One is drunk, weaving from lane to lane, running stop signs and exceeding the speed limit by 25 MPH. The other is undercontrol but exceeds the limit by 5 MPH.

Are they both equal violations of the law? If the local police could only stop one driver which would you choose?

Are all crimes not equal. That is why some criminals get life and others get 2 days of community service.

I am not sure if you even did anything wrong.

<small>[ December 10, 2003, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: auto009988 ]</small>

If you intentionally kept that information from him, yes, I would say that they are very similar offenses, and both very harmful to your marriage.. In my opinion, witholding the EMA info is MUCH worse, since he could pick up a fatal disease that way (don't let him give you any b@llsh@t about "she was clean" or "I was careful" or "she would never cheat on ME".)

So, very similar offenses, one just much worse.

Of course, sex is much more important than money to me...

<small>[ December 10, 2003, 12:14 PM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by johnh39:
[QB] If you intentionally kept that information from him, yes, I would say that they are very similar offenses, and both very harmful to your marriage..

For me, buying my son baseball equipment wasn't an intentional deception. I was always left with the responsibility for our sons; buying school supplies/clothes, staying home when they were sick, taking them to the doctor/dentist/orthodontist, going to parent-teacher conferences, helping with homework, signing them up for sports programs, buying birthday/Christmas presents, etc..

I told my H that I didn't feel it was the same but he said "a secret is a secret...it doesn't matter what it is."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> a secret is a secret...it doesn't matter what it is." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not true. Secrets are those things INTENTIONALLY kept from someone because you know it would hurt them. If you have that responsibility in the house, and he knows it, then it isn't really a secret, is it? It would be the same if every time he came home, you hid the new equipment, or told your son to keep it where you knew your husband would not see it.

Now, he may be indirectly telling you that he is not happy with that arrangement, but that is another thing. It is also true that more participation in those child-rearing activities by your husband, so you were more of a team, would be good for your children and your marriage. But that is also another topic.

Below is a post about Privacy, secrecy, Truth and Honesty that I liked a lot. Perhaps you can discuss it with your H. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The Difference Between Secret And Private
Private matters are those traits, truths, beliefs, and ideas about ourselves that we keep to ourselves. They might include our fantasies and daydreams, feelings about the way the world works, and spiritual beliefs. Private matters, when revealed either accidentally or purposefully, give another person some insight into the revealer.

Secrets, on the other hand, consist of information that has potentially negative impact on someone else-emotionally, physically, or financially. Secrets, when revealed either accidentally or purposefully, cause great chaos or harm to the secret-keeper and those around him or her.

Private: I believe in reincarnation.
Secret: I have a wife and a mistress and neither knows about the other.
Private: I got terrible grades in high school.
Secret: I forged my medical degree.

The Difference Between Truth and Honesty

Truth is empirical, demonstrable fact. Your bank balance, today’s date, whether or not you’re married.

Honesty is about feelings. If you’re honest, you are open and clear about how you feel. You can be truthful without being honest and you can be honest without being truthful (the latter a little more difficult). The best relationships, stating the painfully obvious, are both truthful and honest. Trust is built on both truth and honesty, tempered by the proof of predictability and reliability. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">