I am going to drive myself crazy....after putting more of the pieces of the puzzle together last night at work....I couldn;t sleep today...woke up and just had to go over to see if I could meet him for lunch...hoping to have some time to talk about the NC agreement alone since the kids are at school...I sat outside his work for 40 minutes waiting to see if he would come out to go to lunch......then I broke down and called him. He asked me where I was and initially I lied and said I was just using my cell phone because I never use it enough....hung up and then got the guilts about lying...It is amazing to me that even since he has lied to me all these years I still can't bring myself to lie to him...Had to call him back and confess that I was sitting outside waiting to see if we could do lunch...but that I got nervous that he would not come out of work alone....OW works with him for two more days after today unless she decided to stay on....I don't have an easy way to confirm she is leaving.
I asked him if he even had 30 minutes to sit with me and he said no. I was so stupid.....why do I do this to myself? I wish some of you were here with me to guide me to do the "right" things and avoid all this pain. I called and asked to schedule and IC session with the person who we have been seeing together...they can get me in Thursday afternoon. I think I will go and have it out with her to let her know what is really going on. I think she is getting a clouded picture when we are there together.

Tonight I will ask for the NC letter to be done and given before she leaves the job. For what that is worth...I hardly trust him enough to believe that he will be true to his word if he agrees to write it with me.

Stillholdingon,

I don't know if I am qualified other than thru experience. (Read 3isacrowd re: Long term contact for my story)

I know exactly how you feel - It is SOOOO hard to hang in there. Here is what I did and continue to do and it is helping ME which I believe in turn will either help US (my WH and I) OR it will still serve ME if we end... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Look thru this site and read and read posts. Everyone's story is the same - just different details. READ 180 degree Divorce Busting List - try to do ALL those things as much as possible. It will help your marriage, but most of all - it will help you be happy with YOU!

Also - Read all you can about Plan A. Plan A has helped me remember that I do love him and I believe it has reminded my WH that he did and does love me and that the times we have together can and COULD be great. Plan A is VERY Hard, but I did it by remembering all that I love about WH. I made a list of the things I loved and love about him and I referenced that list. Also, by Plan A'ing him, he was being kinder to me when we were together (it's easy for him, you are dumping loads of deposits into his bank) but by him being nicer to me - it helped me to continue my torch of hope - he also (unknowingly) deposited love into my bank too.

It is hard to bite your tongue sometimes and not talk about what is going on - because it is all consuming to you. But during Plan A - try to have those times when you do not talk at all about problems.

I tend to be long winded..am sorry for that, but I hope and pray that it will help you in some way.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish some of you were here with me to guide me to do the "right" things and avoid all this pain </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Stillholdinon- Sometimes we don't always do the "right" thing. What might be right for one person may not be right for another. We can offer you our opinions but in the end that is all they are. You have to make the decisions you can live with.

Sometimes the pain is there to remind us of the joy that comes later down the road. As hard as it was for me to go through it, I wouldn't take away the pain because it has helped me to become the person I am today and it serves as a reminder of where I've been and where I'm going.

I did the some of the same things as far as jumping through hoops just to be able to talk to my WS. My WS worked and traveled with OM so I know how difficult it can be knowing they're working together.

Remember he should write up his own NC letter, you should review and make changes as needed and both agree on it. Then have a 3rd party deliver it so you know she receives it.

You can always mail it and have a delivery confirmation done where only SHE can sign for it and then you receive a confirmation of when she gets it.

Stillholdingon - Well you are still doing fine. Yes you are feeling needy, but don't worry about it. Talk to him about NC letter and you will find out more. Don't worry about doing everything perfect - you're doing better than most. Get a babysitter so you have time alone with him. Try to discuss the problem calmly without LBing. Remember you still have Plan B to go to. If it gets too bad, that is what you will do next. You do have choices. I know this is very painful for you but you have made it this far, so don't give up. Hugs to you.