I have been an avid reader of this board for a very long time, but never have posted my issues....I guess it's about time. My husband began an affair before we married. He moved out, moved back home, moved out...in fact, there were times I wasn't sure where "his home" was. I plan A'd throughout, until last Oct, I had enough. I told him NO MORE, that I was finally done. It, and an accident he was in, brought him home. A real reality check. I was the one that truly loved him and was there for him.
He ended contact with the OW. He worked very hard at showing me his devotion and love. In March, we were married.
The problem I am having is getting thoughts of the OW out of my head. He doesn't seem to have the problem that so many WS have here, of trying to continue contact. But I am. She emailed me recently with some "cut and paste" emails that he had supposedly sent her, and after investigation I believe that it was just her vindictiveness and anger at finding out we had gotten married, the reason she did this.
My husband is doing everything right, reassurance, devotion, committment to our relationship, and it is better than ever. Yet, I still have feeling of such sadness, and anger over this woman (not really an appropriate word for her.)
I want to hurt her as badly as their relationship hurt me. Yet, I know that she could care less that she caused me pain, and would love knowing how she still occupies my head.
Any one else have these feelings? How to get past all this........

My biggest question after reading your post is: What type of plan for recovery do you have?

As far as the OW, you are right. She will take satisfaction in knowing she still has such an impact on your marriage. The best thing you can do to her is make her insignificant to you. There isn't a magic wand for that, though. It took me almost 2 years.

Block her email.

I feel the same way that you do about the OW. I was thinking that our feelings are normal though and that it will take time. I even had the opportunity to hear her beg him to leave me again and she also asked him to take some of the furniture. She's a witch who tried to destroy my family. It's hard not for me not to be consumed with hatred for her!

Thanks, Takola, for validating that it may take time.

It's been helpful for me to know that my H understands my hatred. I don't even like women who look like her.

Also,it has been helpful for me to know that the OW cannot contact my H. At least it will be extremely hard for her to do that. He is extremely accountable to me about his time and where he is.

Thanks John and Takola for your responses. John, I did block her email address, and that provoked her to make up another email address.
I know it's my issue to work on. I am the one letting her poison my thoughts. I know that it will just take time on my part to let it go.
As far as our relationship now, it is going well. My husband is learning about honesty and trust. He is the kind of person that trust no one until proven. I have always trusted anyone until proven otherwise. I am happy with the recovery we are making. And am reminding myself of that as I am writing. Rationally, I know that I need to stop thinking about her.