Please let me know what you think of this. Not currently in Plan B, but are living seperatly.


Dear wife,

I am writing you this because you never seem to hear me when were talking. You get defensive and then offensive. Tonight you pushed me to tell you what was on my mind and then you dismissed it. I was trying to tell you how I felt and you dismissed it all and then tried to make me feel like a bad guy for feeling that way. So I will once again try and tell you here what I was trying to tell you in person tonight.

It's been 7 months since you told me of your affair and 4 months since you last admitted you've seen him. It's been 2 months since I moved out and still you don't know what you want. Nothing has changed since this whole thing started. You still haven't even touched the SAA book I left for you and asked you to read. I feel like your just trying to forget all about it. I'm sorry, but I can't just forget about it and go back to the way things were. I won't go back to that. Things have to change. I feel the keys to positive change lies in that book. You refuse to seek counseling of any kind either alone or with me. This stasis is not doing either of us any good.
When I told you tonight that you haven't address my needs I wasn't talking about caring for me last week when I had pneumonia, or sex. I am talking about my emotional needs. The needs that you never asked me about. The needs that have gone unaddressed for quite some time.
That brings up another point, why did you lash out at me tonight and accuse me of wanting sex? I haven't mentioned that since I've moved out. I am really getting tired of you throwing that in my face at every turn.
So I guess the point of this letter is to try and find out where we're going. Is this is just some time to get used to being apart before you file for divorce, or is it to find out if you'll stop missing me so you can then move on. I told you before and I'll restate it now that I do not intend to file. I'll also tell you that I still want us to work this out and rebuild our marriage into one that will stand the test of time. I feel to do this requires a lot of work on both our parts. The first step is reading the SAA book I left. The second step is taking responsibility and the third step is making the commitment to see this through no matter what.
I still love you and even though I might seem distant it's not because I don't care, it's because I do care.

Love
Harry

Harry what is your plan with this letter

if it is to piss your wife, make her defensive and improve your agility in ducking flying objects that are usually stationary...

it is perfect!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Other wise it is not very nice...

You are writing her because you miss her and miss being albe to sit with her and talk and share things....

I'm sorry, but I can't just forget about it and go back to the way things were. I won't go back to that. Things have to change.

The wake up call in our marriage makes me realize how much I desire a closer intimate bond with you.
How I want to create and maintain a marriage of which we are both fullfilled and cherished.

Yikes Harry...
I can't even do this one...
cause each line in not very respectful..
writing out your hurt and pain though is helpful...
do it often..
but don't keep it around and DON"T DON'T give her this....ever ever ever ever...

ARK

WOW
I agree with ARK, that is one scarry letter.
Can you say Love Busters?

You are not currently in Plan B, but I don't think you are in Plan A either. The key word is "Plan". Make a plan and stick to it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">HarryS:

"I told you before and I'll restate it now that I do not intend to file."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I never will understand why on Earth a BS would convey to his/her WS such a cake eating, enabling line. You may as well be telling her that she can continue having her affair with the OM and she won't have to worry about paying the consequences for you will still be her H who will be forever waiting to take her back at any time while she continues to have affairs with OM's. What incentive does she have in wanting to change if there are no consequences to her actions? Besides, it is a vow that you'll most probably break in the future if things continue to remain the same or deteriorate, so it is an inherently dishonest statement to begin with. Don't scoff at this last point because you already had a short lived EA with another woman because your EN were not being met by your WW.

Harrry it is obvious that this situation is starting to take its toll and you are starting to lose love for your cake eating W and are tempted to resort to love busters. Don't send the letter and instead seriously consider implementing Plan B ASAP.

TMCM:

Argh, your right..... as usual.

I am still allowing her to call the shots even though I keep telling myself that I need to independantly heal myself and keep myself sane. Plan B eh? Yeah, I think your right. Will do some reading on Plan B for the next day or two and then implement ASAP.

ARK:

Thanks for your response. I too agree with you, I guess the letter was a vent and shouldn't be sent in any form. What my intent was and I guess still is was to try and get her to stop avoiding and address my issues. Fear not she won't see this.

Harry