Today I confronted ExH on the phone. I am full of a virus and infection, on meds...but it gave me strength in a way as I feel so sick I felt I had nothing to lose.

ExH has now agreed to 'start' trying with me. Can you believe it? He wants to know what to do, how to 'start'. I told him he could decide, the ball was in his court. I guess I better start suggesting things. He is scared, I am sure.

I did keep asking him, "Is this the life you've dreamed of?" He had to say 'No', again and again.

The conversation lasted about 45 minutes on the phone. It all started as my children needed his help, and it was just all so sad that they don't have him here. I called him after they left the house. In the end, he called one of them via cellphone and did help them. He also said the 'start trying' thing with me. He truly seems like he wants to try, but he said he is scared of us not getting along.

I also mentioned the dinner thing he talked about in Sept, and that he hasn't mentioned it again. He said he was 'chicken'.

I said I was scared too, but scared of losing him and our family forever.

I told him I was tired of loving people, and having them gone. He said, "yes, it isn't right."

Isn't this good news? I know he's said a similiar thing before..the 'baby steps' of July remark, but now five months later the same sort of thing.

I asked him if he'd dated anyone or gotten involved. He said, "No, that would just be too full of complexities." So I said perhaps there was a reason he saw so many complexities in other women, but he didn't want to face it and that he really KNEW he should be with me and the children. He said, "Maybe so".

He also again took some blame for the A. It was a very good talk. I told him it wasn't his fault, but he kept saying it was him. I said, "no , No." It's obvious there is a lot of work to do.

Where from here? I will continue following my guts, and continue on this course. I even told the kids that I felt that sometime in the near future their dad would be home. I feel confident in that now.

He is afraid of us not getting along. I told him it would be better, and that he was thinking of the time before he left and that the A had been going on a long time. He seemed to take that okay, and said, "Maybe so."

Thanks for listening to this excited post. I didn't have privacy earlier, and dont have much time now. Need to go before the kids seek me out in here and read this.

It's funny,in July I felt it was too good to be true, but this time I feel it could be more 'real', more thought through on his part. Hard to explain.

Take care....
H_P

<small>[ December 18, 2003, 08:21 AM: Message edited by: hopeful_person ]</small>

Congratulations! Just don't scare him. He's seems awfully jumpy -- maybe some of the others could tell you how to deal with someone who is so gun-shy.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Here are my thoughts if you want them:

Schedule a dinner out for you both for New Years Eve. Take into consideration what his tastes are and design your time out around that. Dress up and wear that wonderful new perfume that is under your tree from me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Now, if you get a chance like this to talk so openly with H, be honest. Tell him that there will be times when you both won't get along. Let him know that now, you both are different and you've already lost everything. YOU have different coping skills now and one heck of a support group. I know that your H was threatened by MB, so I'm not sure how OPEN he is to taking the EN questionaire. I'm sure that this step is at least six months from now.

Make that New Years Eve dinner a fun one. Share your new self with your H and don't talk so much about your past. Maybe you can share your dreams about what you want for you.

I've been praying for this Hp. I'm so glad you didn't give up.

HP, that is great news indeed! Would he go into counseling with Steve Harley? I wonder if he would feel more reassured if Steve could help him understand what caused the problems in the marriage and how to prevent it from happening again?

HP, your patience and your prayers paid off, as I knew they would. This is GREAT news!

Thanks for your replies A.M., Kily, Solon, and Melodylane,

I am feeling better, and things will be restored. The counseling idea will be approached carefully down the line, and the book and emotional questionaire too.

The New Year's Eve idea sounds very nice, and I hope we can be together. Our children have no plans that evening, so they would be with us. We'll see.

He is very 'gun shy' as AM said. It's very sad, but that's how it is. At least he wants to work things out, I know I need to lead things--as that's how it is. We are who we are.

Keep the feedback coming, please!

This is amazing, isn't it. Many here predicted positive stuff by the end of 2003. I was doubtful a few months, even weeks ago...but now it's looking very good.

Thanks to God, and to all of you for support. Keep it coming!

HP

H_P,

Great news. But, I think you are wrong. It was partly his fault. NOT your decision to have the affair you get full credit for that, but the state of the marriage. You two are talking at cross purposes here. He wasn't home because of his work schedule. Now maybe he could not avoid that, but it was a cause of the state of the marriage at the time of the affair.

What you are missing is that if he was a perfect H, there is NOTHING he can do to insure that you won't hurt him again. He needs to know what you needed then, and what opened the door to YOUR decision. If he could change that (like he is working better hours), it will help him to believe that you won't stray again.

He needs something HE can do to help. He is frightened because he doesn't understand what happened or why it happened. If he were willing to do some reading I would offer him His Needs Her Needs by Harley and have both of you take the questionaire. It is a concrete action, it does not require a commitment on his part, and it will open both of your eyes to many things, leading I hope to conversations about relationships, marriages and what both of you expect from each other.

ONCE that ground work is laid, THEN you BOTH can decide if trying again makes sense. I think it does, but H_P I said before and I will say again, your H is very frightened of you because he doesn't understand what happened.

So, talk with him again. Offer him this book as a way to "see" if you two should really try (of course him doing this is TRYING <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) but don't tell him. It will feel that he has something he can do without commitment. Baby steps, but steps nonetheless.

I think if you two do get through HNHN, then Surviving an Affair might be eye opening for both of you if you haven't read it. But, first start him on something that he can handle. You see he WANTS to take some responsibility and that is a good thing. But, what he hasn't sorted out is that the state of the marriage does not justify your decision. It just helped set the environment in which you made it. Him changing the environment changes the chances of you doing it again.

Yes I know you wouldn't do it again, but he doesn't know that.

This is good H_P, very good. A tiny crack in the wall. Go slowly and have him come along slowly. He fears failure more than you really understand.

God Bless,

JL

I do not cry.......I do not cry....I cannot let myself cry..............I am thinking of and, praying for, you, hopeful_person!


God Bless You,
A

JL is right,
He needs to understand what went wrong, so he knows how to proceed.

Don't be afraid to tell him what to do. Perhaps that would be better said as: Don't be afraid to give him suggestions. YOU want it to proceed naturally because that's how love is supposed to be. HE is still afraid and he wants to see step 1, step 2, step 3 and so on.

Right now you know a great deal, and he knows very little - about relationships, about what happened, and about what could happen. You know how love grows, and is strengthed, he does not understand. Keep that in mind (ha, when you are not to excited) because he will need help.

It's hard to express how happy this makes me, that you have been given renewed hope. I believe some of my prayers of this weekend have been asnwered.

Over time perhaps the rest of them can be answered too.

All the words, and the symbols <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> in the world can't express the joy and hope that we have for your future, but it's there, and it's real.

SS

Yeah H_P, go girl <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Just knew in my heart you had to try something again, and you got a positive response. Early days, go slow, go easy. H_P I believe this is very positive.

Fingers, toes and everything else crossed for you

Lisa

H_P,

You know the hardest part about this post. I WANT to tell you exactly what to say. I WANT to tell him exactly what to say and ask. I WANT this to work out, so that I can quit that darned exH typing and simply type H. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok, so humor me while I RUN your life for you. I assure you I will return of your life before long.

WHEN you talk next about this you need to consider leading this for awhile. But, in my opinion you need to lay it out as to where and why you are leading him.

You need to ask him to allow you to take him by the hand and lead him emotionally and physically for awhile. Why? You have spent a lot of time understanding what you did, why you did it, learning about relationships and your failures. So he needs to see what you have learned and the only way is for him to allow you to lead. PLUS YOU really want to be married to him, and he is uncertain. Tell him these things. Ask him if he will allow you to lead while he makes no commitment to anything.

If he says yes, he will allow this to see if you two can become closer, then have him read His Needs Her Needs do the work. Tell him what you have learned. Call him for dates, dinner, whatever.

BUT, also tell him there will come a time when you can no longer lead. You won't be able to go beyond a certain point because what he knows, feels, has learned, and wants need to be addressed and THAT CAN ONLY HAPPEN if he decides to lead you. That means HE calls you, takes you out, talks with you about his feelings and fears for the marriage.

THEN, once you have both done this, you two can decide to go TOGETHER for awhile and then decide if marriage is what you two want.

It seems to me, he needs to know that going out to dinner with you, or talking with you, is NOT committing to you or the marriage. It is simply learning about each other and enjoying each other. NO MORE. You need to remember this as well. It will take the pressure off, and allows both of you to coast during the reintroduction phase of your "baby steps".

The part where you do it together is where you begin to see if you could live together as man and W and THEN a decision needs to be made to really explore remarrying, NOT UNTIL THEN.

I am sure he fears many things, but the thing he fears most is starting down this road and then having you thinking everything is going to recover and he realize that he cannot get over some hurdle. He doesn't want the pain and he doesn't want to hurt you OR the kids. So if this can done in a "safe" way, it is more likely that he will allow time for his fears and his concerns to surface and be addressed.

Does this make sense??? Ok, I'll stop running your life now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> H_P, you don't know how many people are rooting for you and your H to find happiness with one another.

Finally, don't worry about talking to him directly. It is clear it is what he wants and needs right now. IF you take charge or at least take his hand and guide him now, it will help him get up to speed and take some pressure off of him. I recall that he doesn't really like pressure.

Looking forward to your post on this. Oh! by the way, you are still on the rollercoaster so don't forget that.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks for your replies! I am off today, but have been away from the computer working on holiday things. I am still sick, but feeling better.

I feel very happy deep inside that my exH is still at least interested in a restoration of our marriage. I feel quite renewed in fact, emotionally. I know the road ahead won't always be easy, but I see it in front of me plainly now.

Our marriage was a good one. Yes, I did stray. I never saw the man when it all started up. That is done now, he works a 'normal' schedule. I am a much more confident person who knows I bugged him too much, depended on him for too much as I had no job and not enough volunteer activites. I was very immature. I am much more grown up now. When you have no one to complain to and whine to, you quit doing the whining and complaining. That habit is done.

JL,
Thanks for your two replies. I really appreciate your time and energy.

You're right about his worrying that we won't be 'happy'. He thinks the A was about him. I keep telling him, reassuring him it was my own immaturity and selfishness combined with opportunity due to his weird hours. It was simply too easy, too convenient.

What I needed when I started the A was probably simply company. Husband was gone nightly , and all day Sat and Sun. The ExOM was very available on the internet- all the time in fact. It was insane, really, I know that. At that time I had no career type job. In fact, it started in the summer when I wasn't working at all. My life now is a complete 180 degrees away from that time then. I told him yesterday that the A was all fantasy, not reality-- and he didn't seem to get what I meant too well at first. Then he did.

I will hunt down that book at the bookstore. I already have Surviving an A. YOu think it's better to start with His Needs, Her Needs as it's less threatening?

As far as telling him that the book is for him to read so we can decide if we can try, he knows me far too well for that. I've bared my soul to him too many times and he KNOWS that I feel we should try. I told him yesterday that my heart is breaking apart more and more each month that we're apart. I'm sorry, that's what I said, that is how I feel. I told him too that I thought perhaps his relative's recent diagnosis with a BAD cancer might be a wake up call, but it hadn't seemed to have been. I think he's just put his head in the sand. You're right, I must lead him.

When we were married, he always loved that I was the kind of person who found answers and possibilities when he just didn't even bother trying. I guess he's still happy in a way that I will do that, as he's not that type of person.

I asked him point blank yesterday if he was afraid I would cheat again, in a few years..if life got 'boring' or something like that. He said in all honesty 'No, that's not what I worry about. I know you learned from that mess." He said his number one fear is us not 'getting along'. Again, I reminded him of the happy times, and that he was focusing out of necessity for survival on the last part of it. He did seem to agree that 'could be' the case.

Thanks JL for your second post of laying out some groundwork~ I like that.

You said, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
You need to ask him to allow you to take him by the hand and lead him emotionally and physically for awhile. Why? You have spent a lot of time understanding what you did, why you did it, learning about relationships and your failures. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like that approach, but I must admit I'm afraid he'll think I'm trying to 'control' him again. He dislikes that in me so. Yet in all honesty I am truly not a controlling person in many ways. My girlfriends are all bossier than me, and take the reins more than me always. In many ways I'm very laid back!

I don't know if he'll let me lead. Have to see.
He may agree to it, who knows.

The book is a grand way to start, as I don't have to 'teach'. The book will do that.

You're right, after a while he will have to 'lead'. I need to let him know that too.

He needs to see that going to dinner, etc, isn't a commitment to remarry. For me though, well that is how I see it as this to me is the only path in life that is 'right' for all of us. I guess I can keep that to myself from now on.

In my feverish state yesterday I asked him , "Who is the winner in all of this, now. Are you happier now than you were years ago, before the A began?" His answer was a resounding, "No". That was new, he used to say before that he was only stressed when married to me. So I said again, "Who has won here?" ANd of course he said, "No One. We've all lost."

You're right, he needs this all done in a safe way. I like your idea, to take it slowly.

Yes, I'll have to not worry about talking to him directly. That is what he wants...that's what I've always given him. (except for one bad period in our life together)

I did tell him that this was the fourth Christmas without him, without our family. He did sound regretful of that. I said I'd prayed and hoped that we'd be together by now, but nothing has happened. He did seem willing to change that. Now I must draw up a 'plan' and share it with him.

My gut instinct is to simply have an emotional, gut wrenching cataclysmic reunion that would provide enough feeling to sustain me with memories of beauty to last through a lifetime, and to jolt us into closeness again. I'm sure many of you know what I mean. We haven't been physically close in almost five years. But, that is not his way, at least not yet, so I must develop a more logical, business like plan. Not my way at all...but must do it. Too much like work, job, but then this is how he feels most comfortable.

ONe more worry of his. He says we're so 'incompatible' as we're so different. Most couples are- but he expects too much. Really in many ways we're quite alike.

Any suggestions on what to say when he speaks of our differences?

Thanks again for your help and support.

Lisa,
Thanks for your caring, too. It means a lot to me.
I'm glad to know that your life is going well.

Not by my will,

I appreciate your kindness and support. It's amazing that so much time has passed here at MB. Your situation could still turn around. Time and patience, as JL says.

Still Seeking,
Your prayers helped a lot. Thanks for lifting me up when I really needed it. It was great encouragement.

This place has been my saving grace all this time.

Looking forward to more thoughts from all,
HP

Yessssssssssssssssss <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

H_P,

Your H knows you far too well. He knows that if he takes a step forward that you will think that everything will go all the way. But, YOU need to stop and think about this for a second. I am not trying to rain on your parade here, but YOU need to be able to take this one step at a time. To become his friend, then his leader, then his follower, and THEN be able to decide whether this means you all are back together.

He fears hurting you it would seem and the children if this doesn't work. So he fears you going too fast toward a goal he is uncertain of. So you MUST give him the opportunity to rebuild his love for you.

When you talk to him about you leading, make darn sure that you and HE understand you mean via the books, some of the relationship stuff, getting together some, but you must always use the POJA. That concept I think will really help him feel protected. That NOTHING happens unless BOTH of you are enthusiastic about it.

I do think HNHN is better for now because the A is over, and he needs relationship handles that allow him to feel he is doing something to strengthen the marriage or recognize when you are doing this. Often this is simply a matter of recognizing what is happening.

But, when you talk to him, even if you liked every word I said, remember the POJA, you both need to agree to whatever it is you decide to do. Make darn sure he understands you won't move without his agreement. Although you are willing to lead, it will only be with his approval at every step.

You see he needs to understand that you don't NEED to be with him. You can take care of yourself. Now you WANT to be with him. He is right about being cautious, because whether you know it or not YOU have changed as well as him.

This is cool H_P, but please realize that this must go slow, and it must be steady.

God Bless,

JL

H_P hi,

I am getting close to diagnosing you as BPD.

You made a mistake OK. You kicked your husband out for an affair when he wasn't good enough for you. You keep the house, you keep the kids, you get the CS. When it dawns on you that your OM was just using you for sex you want to start again with your ex.

You sound like someone who has to have someone doting on you to avoid you going into deep depression.

Now the poor bloke gets badgered into saying OK we'll give it one last try and you are off the other end of the scale.

Try and look at this realistically. Neither of you know where the other is at. It has been 5 years of cruelty on your part and indifference on his. If you can both overcome the horror of your relationship you might just qualify as strangers.

That is the starting point. You don't know him.
You've been so wrapped up in yourself you have never even asked. All your questioning is why he isn't he madly in love with you ?

H_P why do you so much want to be with someone you don't know the first thing about ? I really believe that you need to get to know this man and let him to get to know you before you do anything else.

<small>[ December 16, 2003, 02:22 AM: Message edited by: olderandwiser ]</small>

Thanks, Pepper! I'm happy to hear from you. Your encouragement means much to me.

JL,
Yes, you're right, one step at a time. Of course though I'm happy and excited in a guarded way, it's been a long time of waiting for him to come around, so to speak.

Absolutely, the POJA is something that has to be part of it. I don't want him involved without his total agreement, and mine too, and he wouldn't bother at all if he weren't interested. Good point that he knows I won't move without his approval at every step. I think he does know that, as this is how it's always been in our entire thirty year relationship with each other. He's never been the type of person who can be 'pushed' into anything.

You're right too, and thanks for reminding me of the difference between needing and wanting someone.

Older,
I am not sure whether to even answer your reply. I feel I must defend myself, as I'm proud of how I've handled my recovery from an extramarital affair. I truly think you're a very cruel, bitter man. I did note upon a search one time that you yourself are married to your affair partner from years ago, and that you cheated on your first wife. Maybe that's why you've never understood my desire to remarry the man I've known and loved for thirty years. Perhaps you'd have been happier if I had remained with the lying ExOM. That sort of stance would justify your life and marriage, wouldn't it? I don't like pointing that out to you, as I'm a kind person but your relentless cruelty has necesitated me to finally respond in this way back to you.

You said you're close to diagnosing me with BPD. Is that what is called Borderline Psych. Disorder? My goodness, knowing you in this cyber forum dismisses the need for any of us to go to physicians or psychologists. Now I can rest at night, knowing you've figured me out. Whew!

You said,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When it dawns on you that your OM was just using you for sex you want to start again with your ex.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Very much untrue in both your timeline and summation of exOM, but then-- you are the 'expert'.

You then said, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You sound like someone who has to have someone doting on you to avoid you going into deep depression.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How fascinating. If that were the case, I would be in a psych ward by now since no one has 'doted' on me in any way, shape, or form for at least 17 months now. If I'd have been as you say, I could have easily gone out and found a willing 'doter' right after ending it with exOM. In fact, I've never been 'doted' on in my life. If you knew me, you'd see this within minutes of knowing me. Not that kind of person. Long ago, you accused me of being shallow. So again today, you are the 'expert' and I'm also spoiled. If you saw my home, possessions, and how I deal with others, you'd be surprised I'm sure.

I haven't 'badgered' my exH into anything at all. I wouldn't call having a 'heart to heart' conversation every three to six months as 'badgering'. In three years, I haven't once shown up on his doorstep to 'badger' him into anything. I've shown complete restraint in how I've handled my emotions concerning him.

I would hardly call the last five years 'five years of cruelty and indifference' between him and me. Glad though that you know everything, again.

This remark was entirely laughable: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> H_P why do you so much want to be with someone you don't know the first thing about ? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are so wise, indeed. Please, Older, do me a favor. Please quit replying on my threads. Your negativity and cruelty have worn very thin.

I know you're happy that your affair resulted in a 'happy' second marriage for you. Why then, if you're so happy, do you seem to delight in insulting me and others here at MB? (Yes, I've seen you do it on other threads too. It's easy to do a 'history' search here.)

I truly suppose I should have ignored you completely tonight. Again, I am still under the influence of mind altering drugs to help heal my health problem this week, and I also am simply tired of your cruelty and lack of support.

I wish you well Older. I've never understood people like you who seem to thrive in other's misery and pain. Glad I've been able to make you feel so good about your own life and your superiority to others.

To the rest of you, thanks for your support and kindness. Forgive my descent into rudeness in my dealings with Older. Enough is enough, and it's high time to simply respond to him this way.

Keep your ideas, thoughts coming,
HP

H_P, I'm SOOOOO glad to hear your news! I understand your exH's nervousness really, really well. People have a hard enough time dating new people, much less people they still love and are afraid to love.

I guess what I would suggest is that he needs a guide or mentor. Not a counselor, really, but someone who can make suggestions about good paths through this unnerving period of time.

Heck, send him over to me and I'll give him all kinds of advice! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (Steve Harley or Cerri might be much, much better, though.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

H_P-

I just came across your post and wanted to wish you well in the journey ahead. As others have often mentioned, you truly are a inspiration. Your sheer persistence through these long months and years is very heart warming and your family deserves all the happiness in the world. The observation that you are light years ahead of your XH with regards to being in touch with your feelings is noteworthy, keep that in mind as he gets on board. Good luck and god bless!

H_P

Don't think you are being rude to Older - he once responded cruelly to one of my messages, something about me having no clue about my X because of course I was sh***ing around. It wasn't quite that harsh, but close on. Several people jumped to my defence, and I wish I had done sooner for you. I referred to him as Older and Stupider because he clearly had no clue as to my situation, me as an individual, my M or my abusive X.

I wanted to let you know that I always admired the fact that you took time to respond to him whereas I just didn't bother. His views are minority as you well know. Everyone here admires and respects your true desire to reubild yourself, your life and hopefully a future with your XH. Everyone here knows your remorse and your (mainly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) unfaltering determination to see if you can rebuild your M with the man you love and adore.

H_P - don't worry, we all make mistakes. As SS said to me often "It is not your mistakes, but how you learn and deal with them that is important". Frankly, I would take 1 SS comment over and above 10 zillion O&W comments.

Nuff said, but I was appalled by his comments to you too.

Keep fighting the good fight and wishing you well.

Lisa

Hello,
The week has been very busy. I know this will sound a bit odd, but I haven't spoken to exH since our conversation on Sunday. I got home very late from work tonight, so I didn't wish to bother him. I will call him tomorrow.

I feel very happy deep down, but I can see that this is my journey to lead. I wish on the one hand he could just move back in here, but I know that we're a long way from there!

Just J,
Thanks for your post. You're right, people are nervous even about dating new people.

Thanks for the reminder! Perhaps someday he will check out marriagebuilders . I haven't asked him about it in a long time. We'll see.

Thanks again, Just J for your support.

Litchfield,
Gosh, it's good to hear from you. That name of yours still gets me every time. Thanks for the wishes for the future. I know I've been persistent, but I'm not where I want to be quite yet. I will remember that I'm 'ahead' of my exH in regards to being in touch with feelings. He was more so enlightened it seemed at one time, I think, but has caused himself to wall off everyone due to the sadness of the past few years. The future is looking better. Thanks , Litchfield, for your help!

Lisa,
Lovely as always to see that you've answered a post! Thanks for the support of my abruptness here with that one poster. I simply couldn't take it anymore. It seems he wants this sort of reaction. Finally had enough here.

Thanks for the great quote about learning from our mistakes. I feel I learned something, but oh how much I've lost. It's devastating if I sit and ponder it deeply. I PRAY still that this keeps progressing, and that my exH can see the value of being with me. Right now he's just plain old scared. Time will tell.

Next time I talk to him I need to do so in person. It's better that way.

As I said earlier, I wish he'd just come home. I know that won't happen though until we 'date' and get to know each other.

I need to get going now on some projects around here. Thanks to all of you for your help, wisdom, and unwavering support.

Hopeful_Person