My H was 43 and OW#2 was 54 when their A started. The PA lasted five years and then became EA for H for another year. At times they would meet in secluded, yet public, areas such as parks, under bridges, boat launches, etc., and "make-out" in the car. He said they stopped short of having SF but still, I find this sickening.

Our teenaged son has seen other couples in the same areas get ticketed for their behavior. He said the areas where H went with OW#2 were known "make-out" spots.

Is there ever a point where adults know if they insist on having A, maybe they should get a room? I don't know how my H would have explained having to pay a ticket for public lewdness while with OW#2. Part of me wished he had been caught -- maybe I would have known about his A sooner.

Too - I know what you mean... H and his A partner would sometimes get a motel room (pay by the hour type) or her friend's house. However, most often they had sex in either his vehicle or hers - parked on a street in some commercial or residential neighborhood. In the summer months it wouldn't even be dark. Maybe the risk of being "seen" added to the thrill of it all. Understand that I've engaged in "risky" behavior myself (i.e., sex in a car - with husband or other men in my life before husband). It was never a regular "place" as it was theirs. He said it worked, they were both ok with it... and he never had to worry about the risk of my catching on if there were no heavy "cash" expenses for motels. Gives new meaning to "parking ticket" doesn't it...

No, you're never too old. ;-)

Actually, in my 7-year experience, there were more times that one or the other of us, or both, decided against sex because of the lack of a private place than the number of times that we actually did it in his car. (Once, he brought along a sleeping bag, actually made preparations, and I refused.)

In fact, I bet that in total there were easily less than 50 sexual incidents in the entire span of the affair. There were more times we met just to talk, since for most of the affair I had instituted a no-sex policy in an effort to sever the connection. He was fine with that, although there were lapses.

I think men get more of a thrill from civil disobedience of all types than women do. And, of course, men typically have a stronger sex drive.

I don't know what 'too old' would ever mean to a man--I don't claim to know male sexuality in any depth, but it seems to me that as long as they can function, getting sex can supercede most other concerns.

I'm not talking about SF -- I don't think you are ever too old for that. I am talking about middle-aged affair partners parking in public places and "making out" like teenagers. Isn't there a time when you know you should get a room? This is showing total disrespect for their families to display their affection in a public place.

If the couple was married to each other, at least they could have a laugh about it later -- even if the cops gave them a ticket.

I guess I don't understand the distinction--since an affair itself shows total disrespect for the institution of marriage and many, many other things and people--I can't grasp why it would make it better in any way if every single sexual incident took place in total privacy with no chance of anyone else observing.

I mean, if there's enough absence of shame for an affair to occur, it doesn't seem a reasonable expectation for the shame to center around the sexual acts themselves.

Age doesn't really have anything to do with it, I guess.

Too - I don't think you're really saying that the problem is they didn't "get a room". Is it more a feeling of "adding insult to injury" by the fact they carried on in a public place, or at least a place where they could have been seen? And, yes the disrespect was the disregard for the marriage and others who would be affected by the A, not where they did it (although where can intensify the pain, especially in those cases where the marriage bedroom/bed was where they did it).