All members,

Here is a letter that I plan to send to WH. It is not meant as strictly a Plan B letter, but rather to let him know where I stand on our relationship and our future. I would sort of label it as my last farewell discussion about our future. I would like to send it this week, but may wait if it needs more rework. Please let me know your opinions. I tried taking out as many "we's" as I felt I could w/o changing the intended message.


Dear WH,

Since you left 4 1/2 months ago, I have experienced undoubtedly the most difficult time of my life. It has been difficult facing the possibility of life without you. Today, December 4th, of all days, I suddenly found the tape of our wedding day in my hands and before I knew it the tape was playing in the VCR. I’ve watched this same tape before, but for many reasons, this time meant something different. Instead of joyous emotions, it brought me to my knees in prayer, tears to my eyes and placed a 100lb. weight on my heart. As I reflect on our first few years together, I’m reminded that you asked me to marry you of your own free will. It was a decision you made on your own which I lovingly accepted. I remember something we had in common when we first met at the Hoist that cold January 24th day. It was the small fact that I and (if I remember correctly, you also) had recently stopped looking for that special person in our life. I also find it very powerful in knowing that from among all of the boy/girlfriend relationships we both had prior to us meeting each other, the friendship/courtship that we developed first before we consummated our love is the one relationship for both of us (I believe) that developed into the strong emotional loving bond and committment that brings a man and a woman to want to marry and spend the rest of their lives loving each other. Over the years, it is certainly normal that we have evolved into different people than we were when we married. However, this is all part of growing up, changing and growing differently together. I had no idea of the profound effect and change that becoming a mother would have on me until I gave birth to our 1st born. Just as I understand that you may not have had any idea of how much you would dislike being a manager until you found yourself knee deep in it (if this is still the way you feel about it today). I am aware that I can no more expect you to come back into this relationship than I could have made you marry me. As I expressed a few weeks ago, I now know that filing for the divorce was a mistake simply because that is not what I wanted – not then, now or ever. Rather than consulting with my heart, conscience and with God, I got scared in response to your telling me we are getting a divorce and very angry and hurt with me being arrested that I hastily made a decision that at the time I believed was for the best. Best for whom I later asked myself; the kids? me?, you? For Whom? So, as far as that end goes you should know that I will no longer initiate anything in that direction. If our marriage is to follow that fatal path, then the decision rests solely on your shoulders and is between you and God. In these past 4 months I have re-connected my relationship with God to such a deeper level than I have ever experienced. Based on that, I know that if I am forced to and/or if it is God’s will, I can walk away from you having a sense of peace just knowing that I (am fighting)/fought for us and our marriage even against all odds, under life’s most unbearable circumstances and with such an unconditional love for you that no man or woman could have ever asked for more in a spouse. I admit that this entire experience has been a very painful lesson for me, one of which I have learned a great deal from. It is often said that God sometimes takes extreme measures to get a person’s attention. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s been trying to get my attention. I strongly believe that this attempt to get my attention goes way back to February 27th, the day I woke up telling you of the weird dream I had only to find out minutes later it was no dream, but actually a nightmare which was just beginning. I have also learned that God often comes to us in our dreams. I wish that I had discovered God more intimately and Marriagebuilders.com back in February. I truly believe with all of my heart that it would have saved us both from a lot of the additional pain we are now experiencing and will experience in the future. I believe this time is meant to be a healing time for both of us. I will continue to pray for you daily Paul and will trust God to bless us all with wisdom, patience, courage and strength, and to guide us in the direction of the path he, (not you) has chosen for us all. Please note that this letter may be the last you hear from me on the fate of our marriage. I will no longer talk about us and what the future holds for us, until such time that you choose to approach me. With all of my heart, soul, and Love, your wife.