OK here is the letter I wrote to my WH and his whatever she is...all names have been omitted (ha ha) for privacy (although if they read this obviously they would know)

I have been posting before, for those who know the surgery went ok (I had a miscarriage post D-day conception) the OW bailed my WH out of jail (his second arrest) and posted 10k bond...I have realized he called the cops on me to put me in jail and it backfired on him, now granted I did things I should not have done but I have never called the cops on him to have him taken away. I wrote and sent this letter yesterday and have not called or e-mailed him or her or even checked his e-mail, well once to make sure he read it which he did. He saw the baby yesterday and made no mention of this e-mail. He has not called me once today or last night or tonight and I have not called him once. Today is day wo of JA...the his name "J$^$^$" Anymounous (sp?) One day at a time right? I am trying to commit to myself that I will not call, I will not ask where he is staying I will not tell him he needs to spend time with the baby etc, all contact needs to be on his behalf....

God, I hope this doesn't backfire on me.
Advice please...let me know what you think.


I am finished with both of you. The best thing you can do for a woman who wants your husband is to give her him. He's yours. Be friends, be his girlfriend, be whatever you want to be or hope to be. I am done checking your e-mails *%*%*, I am done recording you, I am done with your cell phone.

&**(*&: for someone who wants out of this drama you put yourself back into the thick of it by bailing &^&$&$ out, putting 1k down and 9k of collateral in your car. You must be "special" friends, since you have only known him for a few months. ^&%^&% said he would not do that for you, or anyone under such circumstances: Whose the fool?

As for both of you here is the way it is: ^&%^&*% I love you and I don't want a divorce but we are going to abide by no contact for awhile. You are welcome to come home on my terms. When you get this out of your system, whether it is $&%^, or confusion, or hurt or whatever, when you are done dealing with it you have what you claim you want: you have your family waiting and your wife willing.

You are more than welcome to see ^&$&$ and bring her back home when you are finished. You are still obligated financially and emotionally for her and need to spend time with her which you have done and I hope you continue to do.

I promise you both this and I done watching you. Well you $%&$&, I don't really give a damn anymore about you $&$%&$&.

But ^&%^& I will tell you this, stop trying to fool yourself that you don't have romantic interest in MY HUSBAND, and I will not go down without a fight but I will be the stronger woman and I will arise out of this turmoil stronger and better than before. I can thank you for that.

Just because I say I am finished &$&$&, does not me I am finished with my husband or my marriage. I am finished with the circumstances as they are. I am finished with stressing myself out over the two of you or one of you or whatever. Believe it or not I pray for you, the Bible says to pray for your enemies and that is what you are to me.

%^*%^* I know you like your music but you should listen to a song by Dido....

When I feel loved, baby, I join the road
and the world moves with me
when I fell lost I just slip away
silently, quietly take my things and go
and think what's the point
think where's the hope we're coming home

if you won't let me fall for you
then you won't see the best that I would love to do for you
instead you will be missing me when I go
cause I'm bored of hanging out in your cold

if you find one day
find some freedom and relief
and with this freedom maybe
maybe you will find some peace
and with this peace baby
I hope it brings you back to me, bring you home, take me home



I hope you both find what you are looking for. As for me it is time to move on and take care of MY family and my child and myself.

I love you &$&$%&$.

<small>[ December 16, 2003, 08:32 PM: Message edited by: sweet1213 ]</small>

What do you think you would accomplish with sending this letter?

God, I hope this doesn't backfire on me.
I can’t figure out what a backfire would be.
You say one thing and then the opposite.

If you‘re upset, then it’s a great letter. However, the worst thing you could do is send it or let anyone else see it. (In other words go get rid of it.)

Mean what you say & say what you mean. Part of the MB mantra...

About the ONLY thing which is NOT a lovebuster (means it shouldn’t be said) is
“You are more than welcome to see ^&$&$ and bring her back home when you are finished.“. I take it ^&$&$ is your daughter?

The first thing you need to do is get and read “Surviving An Affair” by Willard Harley.
Read the links below.

<small>[ December 16, 2003, 09:35 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

sweet, Chris is right, lose the letter. It is good for venting, but it won't help your situation at all. I wouldn't send it. It will just give them something to sneer over.

Sweet - Good to see you posting again. Well these other folks are much more experienced than me, so you probably need to go with their advice. But I can really understand your feelings and sort of side with you sending it. Your H has acted coldly to the loss of your baby. Besides it was your birthday, what - 2 days later???? Plus he called the cops on you the night before you went in for surgery? Hmmmmmm, I think you are being very kind and restrained in your letter. Of course my H is gone with OW, so my advise isn't that great. But glad to see you alive and fighting back. Hang in there. HUGS from California.

Well I already sent it and I'm sure it has been read already there is no turning back but it almost seems as if I have gotten the best response. I tried to be nice, loving, etc ask him if he needed anything...he lied and said he was staying at a hotel with windchimes, no hotels in our area have windchimes nor did they have a guest with his last name, he said it was under an alias, wow he must be a celebrity. But no contact has been made between up for what is now the third day, maybe this letter did nothelp our marriage but it is helping me. Everytime we talk we wind up fighting, it might start out ok but then we fight, what I did wrong, etc what he did wrong.

The problem is my WH can't and hasn't made a decision, he said he was through with the OW but kept going back to her. Come on, no romantic relationship, she has known him for 3 mths and put up 10 THOUSAND DOLLARS in bond for him?

I just felt it was time he realized he can't have his cake and eat it too. That is what he has been doing. I've stopped that. So where do I go from here since the letter is sent.

Do I still enforce the no contact, wait for him to contact me,etc?

That's probably what I need the most help with.

Sweet - Welcome to Plan B (sort of). Continue with no contact except in regards to your daughter. It is hard at first and gets very much easier as more time goes by - I've been in Plan B for 9 weeks now and am doing much better. Been able to go on with my life and work on my issues. The awful hurt is gone, and most of the anger. Keep reading and posting here. I promise you will feel better and better.