I initiated no contact on Monday, not too hard when WH has a court order for no contact with me. I have stopped calling him, stopped checking his e-mails etc. Of course this was hard the first and second day but then something started to change. He started to call me, he called yesterday to see how I was and our daughter???

I find this amusing because I was not going to not take his calls in case he wanted to see her but I spoke with him answered the questions and then was like ok bye.

He has pending Domestic Violence charges and the DA called and asked if I still wanted to drop charges I said yes, my husband is not a violent man, he just an [censored] that wants to have his cake and eat it too. I did call and leave the message on his cell phone, I figured it was pretty important considering he could lose his job over this. Then I turned off my cell. I guess he called this morning and I called back because he said he wanted to see his daughter. Fine, then he went on and on about how I lied and got him in jail, etc etc THE BIG DEAL HERE IS I DIDN'T GET UPSET, I DIDN'T CARE...When he was done I said "are you done now" (bi#$ching) and I said ok gotta go. Bye.

You don't understand, I have never been like this, I have always been oh my God I can't live without you, please come home etc pathetic and desperate is what I have been...now I realize how petty he is..how he has tried to twist everything into being my fault...and you know what he's not as special as I used to think.

I told him on the phone that I was done with the drama, I told him I am smart and intellligent and not too bad to look at and if he didn't want me I don't see a problem in finding someone who will.

I have never had this confidence, well yes I have, before he shattered it but it's back. It's like I am beginning to feel the old me, that I won't let him control my life and sit at home waiting and praying he calls.

What is happening, I thought Plan B was to make the WS realize what they were throwing away, it is making me realize I just may not want this marriage anyways. I have looked at the past and see so many incidents of inconsideration, not caring, etc why would I even want to go back to that?

OK now I know what some will say, my feelings may go back and forth and don't make any major decisions right now. I am not going to because I realize that but this is just so strange, has anyone else experienced this?

Maybe I feel this way because my love bank is empty and he has made no attempt to put anything in it, or if he does he withdraws so fast the deposit didn't have time to post! (sorry I work at a bank but it is kinda like that)

I plan on keeping this NC up, I kinda like it, my MC said not to let him spend Christmas with us, she said you are not a family, why pretend to be. I have to let him see her if he wants but why should he get to see her face when she opens all her presents and my neighbors invited us over to spend the night so all the kids will be together.
(They are my best friends)

So what do you think?

I initiated no contact on Monday
Did you send a properly written Plan B letter? If not, then you are not in Plan B.

I find this amusing because I was not going to not take his calls in case he wanted to see her but I spoke with him answered the questions and then was like ok bye.
If there is a court order fo no contact, why are you taking his calls?

I find this amusing because you tell him you are not going to take his calls and then you do take his calls.

Why should he belive you want to reconcile? You say not to call and then you take his calls. You say you want to reconcile so based on your previous actions, that mean you won't do it.

Mean what you say and say what you mean is the only way to properly communicate. No games.

What is happening, I thought Plan B was to make the WS realize what they were throwing away
THat may be one of the effects of PLan B but it is not why you go to Plan B. You go to Plan B because you can no longer deal with th ws and it hurts you too much to deal with him and his affair is continuing.

it is making me realize I just may not want this marriage anyways.
That is what will normally happen when you have no communications for a long time. But not after 3 days. That's just you tossing all the stuff around in your head. And that's okay. This time is for you to re-evaluate everything.

<small>[ December 18, 2003, 09:58 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Unfortunately I was told that although there is a no contact order I had to take his calls if he referenced our daughter which he did. That is what the officer told me. So that is the only reason I took his calls because I don't want him coming back and try to say I kept our daughter away from him. The thing is he never used to call, I was always calling leaving messages and now it has started to be the other way around, I only call him back if he has called me and referenced our daughter, like tomorrow he wants to see her.....but at least he is calling me and not the other way around. But it does give me time to think...since the DA dropped the charges he wants me to go to court and ask them to drop the no contact today, I don't know if I want to?

Sweet - Chris is right - It is time to re-evaluate everything. You have just had 2 terrible losses. Take your time for healing. You will find that in Plan B you will get some real perspective on yourself, your H, and the marriage. But it does take some time. I've been in Plan B for 9 weeks and I'm so thankful for it. The hurt is gone. I'm starting to realize that my life will be good, even if it is without H. I don't feel mad anymore and am able to do the things I need to do. You will heal and get to this point too, although there will be ups and downs. Be good to yourself, take care of yourself and daughter. You have just been through an awful time, but your life can be much better from now on.
Put your H on the back burner for awhile. He does not deserve your concern or time right now. He has behaved very poorly toward you, and has not been a friend and helpmate. This may change in the future, but don't worry about him right now.