I feel like I am being slowly tormented each and every day. I am tired of this feeling inside. I have tired of feeling like I want to scream. I am constantly anxious and agitated.

I am on AD, anti-anxiety, and sleep meds but still no calm to my day. Sometimes I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I am just so tired of all this A mess.

I know lots of people will say turn to God but that has not helped. Nothing has helped.

My FWH is still being the selfish person he has always been. He wants me to forgive him and move on -- never to talk about his 3 As again. He says everybody has As but most just don't admit it.

I don't think it is worth trying to save a marriage that was so one-sided from day one -- where marriage vows were only taken seriously by one spouse. I don't believe my H can remain faithful -- his selfishness will rear its ugly head. I couldn't go through this again and survive.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Toofargone:
<strong>I know lots of people will say turn to God but that has not helped. Nothing has helped.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The only way to peace is "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6

Yes, you will then have peace in the midst of turmoil. The only other fix is narcotics but that is only temporary.

Hi tfg,

I am sorry it's so hard, right now. I did many things to stay sane (and have all my life, I'm overly excitable)...

1) Picture yourself in 5 years... You will have a new life, new friends, new problems <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ... You WILL survive this. Sometimes, you just have to remind yourself of this! If you need confirmation, see the stories here; many HAVE (whether D or not). You will have happy days, again!

2) Run and buy 'How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything--Yes, Anything' by Albert Ellis. I was using his techniques for years before I read the book. It's all about 'talking yourself down', and staying calm and sane when all hell is breaking out around you.

His techniques take a little practice, and you'll probably want to re-read after a while to make sure you are still doing ALL of it, but it really helped me.

3) MAKE yourself to something nice for yourself. Just a little something, whatever you can manage; hot bath with a bottle of cheap champagne, pedicure, dinner with a friend...

{{{{{{{toofargone}}}}}}}
I am really sorry. Whatever happens, you will survive. Please take care - Dru

<small>[ December 19, 2003, 12:52 PM: Message edited by: Drucilla ]</small>

what a great topic!

who is tormenting you?

I can so relate because my whole family has sided with my WH (its a money thing). They are trying to get me to break down and off myself. pretty neat, huh? which is why i come here so often, cuz there is no support. if i off myself, then there is insurance money and no one questions finanical records, as opposed to us getting a divorce. what are you supposed to say to your own mother? what kind of a mom turns her back on her own and helps her crucifixion?

As a believer, I agree with Wilson. God will get you through this, but sometimes when we are in such pain, it is hard to wait. When you have been hurt so badly and betrayed, there is a wound in your heart that needs cleaning. You need to take care of it, just like a physical wound. You can care and comfort yourself. Be good to yourself, let yourself know that you are going to take care of you. Posting and reading here helps too. The pain you feel is your self-protection mechanism. It is letting you know that changes need to be made. Keep expressing your pain here and you will get excellent support, advice and caring.

TooFarGone

Have you and H been to a marriage counselor? It could help H realize what he has done and how much it hurts you. Your feelings are exactly right for a person that has been betrayed. It may not be much of a consolation but know that what you feel is perfectly normal and that most BS has the same feelings. Your H is trying to minimize what he has done by saying that everybody has affairs. That’s not true and he knows it.

Beau

Here I am also today feeling just like you tormented, and as you can see, I don't sleep when something happens that upsets me. But what has it gotten me. I just got out of the hospital, they say the cold I had hit my heart and weakened it, but I really believe all this stress since I found out about him seeing the O/W has alot to do with it too. April I found out, he said he would stop talking to her (he's always said it was NOT sexual, only talking and seeing each other occasionally)May I told him to leave because I found a cell phone that she gave him. He went in with her for 7 weeks, June 28 he left her and back with me. Sept 23, found another cell phone, said he just forgot to give it back. We are seeing a counselor also since Oct. I think. Now today she called our home and asked for George, she then called his old cell phone # which my daughter in law has and then she waited until my husband showed up a my sons house, where he ends his day of business and stopped to talk to him. I arrived there to tell him about the phone calls in person instead of calling him on the phone, only to find her car with him talking to her. I didn't confront them, I was numb I guess, I went in my daughter in laws house and by the time I went to the shed where they were, she was gone. I told him I got the calls from her and that if she approached him would he do right by me, like the councelor said, and tell me. He said yes. And only 3 min. before he was talking to her. So he lied again, even after all this counseling. He said he saw that I was so upset, he didn't want to make me have a heart attack. So you see that your not the only one going through this termoil. I also sometime wish that I wouldn't wake up, but you know what.....I think that by seeing and hearing things here,and as time goes on and all this is happening to me, If I keep finding that he is not doing things to help me get through this, which he is not helping me, I someday will be stong enough to leave him and go on to someone who will appreciate me for what I am. It is 35 yrs. we are married, and I hate to give it up, but , like you, this has been alot of torment and anguish since April and now my health is at risk. The doctor says no stress. Ha, what a laugh at this point. But I do feel your pain and hopefully both of us will get stronger as time goes on. I will be checking to see how you are doing to, maybe we can help each other get through this nightmere. Sometimes I just can't believe this is happening, and yet HE is sleeping in there like a baby, not letting anything bother him. So who's the one that is suffering, us, and we did no wrong.......Hope we get stronger to go on with our lives if things don't get better for us. Good night, I have to try and get some sleep. Hope I helped you.

TooFar, you would get such an enormous benefit from counseling with the Harleys. Please consider calling them. They are slightly more expensive than regular counselors, but they can often do in 2 sessions what others can NEVER DO. At least try them out so they can assess your situation and get you on the right path.

Steve Harley does a very good job of getting thru to thick WS' sometimes. They could help you in setting boundaries with your H and could also help him understand how hopeless this is with his attitude. Your suffering is compounded by his lack of committment to your recovery. Please ask him what his plan is to recover your marriage. Because without that, it is pretty hopeless. You can no more just forget it and move on than you can just "forget it" when your child dies.

What helped me the most when my H left me was working out and praying. When I exercised, I was able to lose myself for that hour. I bought the Firm home workout tapes.

Dear Lefty.
I certainly FEEL for you; as I am also having 'wondering' if my formally wayward husband still contacts his OW occassionaly?????

Here is what has helped me sleep during the worst of it:
By taking a Benydrl Antihistamine tablet two hours before bedtime. (Diphenhydramine HCI 25 mg.)
You know how they always make you drowsy when you are taking them for allergies?
Well they work to relax you also!

Anyway they sure worked for me as a mild, safe sedative, so I could get some sleep!
Love and caring, Julie Jo

<small>[ December 20, 2003, 08:57 AM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>