I wonder how many of those who have to suffer through the infidelity of your spouses have this in common with me. My spouse has always been the jealous type. Very jealous indeed as well as controlling. I never thought that she, being how she is, would have a full blown A. I find it ironic that the one who has been jealous and controlling is the one to break the marriage bows.

Why me? My XWW was a very jealous and insecure woman who accused me of having affairs. Ironically later on it was SHE the one that ended having not one affair but several. A couple of months ago I also started a similar thread asking other BS if they noticed this curious phenomenom, but only a few of them had had similar experiences. Maybe this time around, we may get to see more BS's coming forth with the same experiences as you and I.

<small>[ December 19, 2003, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Hello Why Me:

It does not surprise me at all. I believe this is called projection. Many people believe that others think the same way they do. If one is a cheater then it is quite common for them to project their own fears of being cheated on to their spouse.

I would suspect that your wife had all of this fear of you cheating on her because down deep she knew that if given the right opportunity she would cheat. Again the cheater projects their morals on to their spouse. I would not be surprised if your wife rationalized her cheating on you due to the fact that she felt you probably had or would have cheated on her also.It is of course irrational.

I have to tell you that many times in my life I have been talking to women and men colleagues who put down other individuals because they have qualities and traits they they dislike. I find it fascinating because most of the time these same people are the ones who acutally have these same characteristics that they profess to abhor.
I think the old saying "thou protests too much" says a great deal about the person protesting.
It is sad that you had to find this out about your wife the hard way. I wish you luck.

Why are cheaters the jealous ones and the most likely to step out of the marriage bows? Then, after their affairs, they have the nerve to continue being jealous and controlling when they have forfeited their right to be respected. It is so ironic. My perception may be limited to my perceptions based on my situation and a few cases I personally know of. I wonder how general this is.

Not sure it can be a blanket statement. I am not a jealous person (not jealous in past relationships) but have found myself to be very jealous and controlling with my H.

He on the other hand is not jealous AT ALL. He was the one to have the A.

The last time he pointed out to me that I was too jealous I argued back and gave him examples of the times I was not jealous when I would have had reason to be (when he admitted to kissing a friend, etc.) but became questioning and jealous when I felt he was not telling me the truth.

I think some people are projectionists, and others...are not. My H...is not. He's more an ostrich.