With all of the brilliant decisions she's been making lately, and the fact that she made sure to grab the most valuable and portable items the last time she visited (sure it's her jewelry, but it's still our property), I decided that I need to make sure that she can't come by when I'm gone and grab more stuff to do whatever she wants with.

Hey, she learned from her 1st husband just how easy it is to take things down and pawn them for cash. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

So how do I let her know that I changed the alarm code? How do I contact her, and what should I say?

I was thinking of a quick Instant Message saying...

"I just wanted to warn you not to stop by the house when I'm not around, because I changed the alarm code. If you need something, arrange a time to meet me at the house."

Or maybe I should just change the code back...this sucks <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Looks to me like you have a handle on it (ahhh, I wouldn't change the code back either).

M.

Why don't you just send her an email telling her she needs to contact you if she needs anything out of the house and you will get the item for her? I would just leave it at that, and if she doens't comply, she only has herself to blame when the alarm goes off.

I thought of that Melody, but it's still "our house" and "our property". I wouldn't feel right having her bothered by the police in a place that, to be honest, she has every right to be.

On the other hand, is it being "strong" to do this and tell her, or is it more of a "controlling" LB?

I don't know...I'm just so ticked off right now...

<small>[ December 20, 2003, 08:57 AM: Message edited by: Uncomfortably Numb ]</small>

Find out if you can LEGALLY change the alarm code without telling her the new code.

I'm in Ontario, Canada, and here, it is ILLEGAL to change the locks on the matrimonial home, even if one of the parties has left. In my situation, I rented, and our lease was in BOTH of our names. If it is a mortgage you have, then who's names are on it? If it is BOTH you and your W, then likely, you don't legally have the right to change the code. If it is just in your name only... then there may be nothing that she can do.

The laws vary from state to state and province to province, so be sure to find out what YOU can do without getting into trouble.

One of the things you could try, is to apply for "exclusive possession of the matrimonial home". I understand that the process takes a few weeks... but it could be well worth your while.

Let us know what you find out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

p.s. I'm all for changing the alarm code and letting her find out for herself too. It would be a logical consequence to her actions. But that's not necessarily the LEGALLY right thing to do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Uncomfortably Numb:
<strong> I thought of that Melody, but it's still "our house" and "our property". I wouldn't feel right having her bothered by the police in a place that, to be honest, she has every right to be.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, in that case, I don't understand why you changed the code in the first place? Just email her the new code.

Well, because I simply don't trust her. I don't trust her to have unlimited access to everything that we own, while I'm limited in what I have access to, because she takes it to her other residence.

So, I sent a voice-mail message to her cell phone saying basically what I said above.

If she asks, I'll tell her what I just said. I'm protecting our assets from any bad decisions, and that if she's concerned about what I might be doing, she's more than welcome to arrange a time to come over when I'm here, and she can take a complete inventory of the house.

I just don't like seeing things leaving the house little by little as our separation goes on. I've got nothing to hide from her. But I know that she can't say the same thing.

UN
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You said: If she asks, I'll tell her what I just said. I'm protecting our assets from any bad decisions, and that if she's concerned about what I might be doing, she's more than welcome to arrange a time to come over when I'm here, and she can take a complete inventory of the house. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think this is the best answer so far, and you thought of it all by yourself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Hope she doesn't have any backlash about it. Perhaps you should video tape each room, speaking and noting things that are in there. Open drawers where "valuables" are, etc. Then you'll have a record and can give her a copy if she'd like one.

Remove the valuables you are worried about her taking or pawning and put them somewhere else.

Rent a storage garage, or ask a friend or family member to store them for you until you are past this situation.

Then allow her "access" with the code.

Thanks everyone, and a quick update on this...

I didn't hear from her all weekend, which really surprised me. Since I never have my cell phone on when I'm at home, I called in to check it's voice mail. I had one message, from the cell company, saying that the message I sent to her was not delivered.

So, she never got the message, and since I was so unsure if I was doing the right thing, I went ahead and changed the code back to what it had been.

I know, then what was all of this about? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Well, in doing a bit more thinking, I also realzed that she's been gone for over 3 weeks now, and hasn't come in and taken much more of anything. Also, in the past 2 weeks, she's taken less than the budgeted "allowance", to leave more money to pay to our credit card debts.

So not only has she not done much regarding our property/finances to make me feel unsafe, she actually appears to be making an effort to help protect our finances.

Thanks again for the thoughts and ideas. And it's still an option that I can choose on very short notice if I really need to.

Edit: I hate typos! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ December 22, 2003, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: Uncomfortably Numb ]</small>

I've been where you are. You're probably feeling like you want to DO SOMETHING. Do something good for yourself, that makes you feel a little happy.

Yep, that's pretty much it. And when I decided to do this, it was because I was angry, and wanted to demonstrate that to her.

I guess that's really why I decdied to undo it.

Thanks again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />