I feel guilty as all hell, and know that rightfully I should. But I cheated on my boyfriend, with which me and him are serious, but also not so serious. Serious enough to were cheating is grounds for a breakup though. I love him a lot, and knew before that I did, but have come to realize it even more. See he went away for over 4 months, overseas, and I just turned 21 so I went out to the bars a lot. My good friend didn't stop me and I full on knew that if I didn't have alcohol in my system that I wouldn't have even considered doing anything in the first place. But one thing led to another and here I am. I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions about what I should do.

<small>[ December 26, 2003, 01:33 AM: Message edited by: cu716 ]</small>

CU, I have a few questions. First, how long have you and your boyfriend been together? Second, are you engaged? Third, do you have any children together?

All in all, I would say that it's time for you to learn the incredibly painful, incredibly rewarding lessons of radical honesty. Please read up on it and start to figure out how you're going to be honest with your boyfriend about this and everything else that you feel.

First off, if you do things under the influence of alcohol that you wouldn't normally do, then you probably have a drinking problem.

Secondly, it doesn't sound to me like you are ready to get married if you are still partying. Nor are you marriage material if you sleep around. It sounds like you have a lot more growing up to do before you are ready for marriage.

Most importantly, you HAVE to tell your BF what you have done. He has a right to know this. To not tell him and let the marriage go through would be marrying him under FALSE PRETENSES. You would be committing a fraud, which would be cruel, manipulative and dangerous. He has a right to know all the facts so he can make a decision about his life. He also has a right to marry someone who will be faithful to him. He has that right and deserves no less.

First of all, I hope that you required the OM to use a condom. If not, you need to have yourself tested for STD's. HIV can go undetected for up to six months, so a negative test at this point is meaningless. With all of that said, your boyfriend deserves to know the truth. If you are honest now you may very well lose him, but if you are not honest your relationship with be tainted by the guilt that accompanies deceipt. Alcohol and bars are no place to be for someone that is not "looking" to meet other people for sex. How would you feel if your boyfriend had slept with someone else? Would you want to know the truth? I always try to treat others the way that I would want to be treated.

Hi CU,

Melody and JustJ pretty much summed it up for you.

One additional important note tho, go get checked for STDs. HPV, Aids, Herpes, etc, the whole array of a bood panel screening should be done.

So when you do tell your BF, you can then tell him the results. Protected sex or not, it still can happen and symptoms can ly dormant for years.

Because, after all, if the roles were reversed CU, wouldn't you require he do the same?

Good luck,
Jo

<small>[ December 25, 2003, 10:01 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

You know what? Your sleeping with someone when your BF is overseas is NOT the same as having an affair. It just isn't. You didn't make a commitment, and you say that the relationship is serious to not so serious.

You are at a crossroads with your BF, however. Staying a GF without telling the truth is a slow death to the relationship. Either tell him and you break it off, or tell him and you work it out.

How do you get a chance to communicate with him now? Can you e-mail back and forth?

If not, maybe you should do the decent thing and tell him that the relationship isn't strong enough for you to be faithful while he is away. You want to keep in touch but the relationship isn't exclusive.

It is so sad that you acted in such a manner. I am not sure I would consider you as a potential marriage partner. Let me explain why. I am going through living hell because of my inability to read the early warning signs. When my wife and I were dating she deceived me several times. Everytime she expressed sorrow, dumped the other guys and I forgave her. We eventually married, had children and I never ever distrusted her. I thought I met all her needs, but the first opportunity she had to meet again someone from her past, she succumbed to temptation and started an affair. Again, she says she is sorry and cries a lot and all she says is that she does not know what happened to her. In the meantime, I am torn to pieces emotionally, I lost my purpose and motivation to go on. I am a high salaried professional whose job demands creativity, dedication and a lot of mental energy. Nonetheless, I never stayed out late, did not go out with friends so I would be with my family, spoiled her rotten and that was how she paid. She is now in counseling, but I agree with previous posts. There are personal issues that have to be dealt with before you commit to marriage. You are not ready and until you are do not carry a poor soul down the road of unhappiness.