I just don't know what to think here. yesterday my hubby came home from work early...2:00 in the afternoon to be exact. We had a lovely afternoon! We talked, laughed, joked, acted like a couple of teenagers in love.<P>Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining a bit. But what does this tell me? Maybe I was wrong in thinking that something was amiss? I just don't know yet.<P>Another problem I seem to be having that I know wears hubby out is the fact that my moter-in-law and I don't get along. AT ALL. We never have. I have tried and tried to get along with her...even gone so far as doing some serious butt kissing. A little over a year ago, MIL and I got into a fight...a physical one (well, she hit me, I refused to hit her back out of respect for my husband and the children that were also present). After a heated arguement with my husband, she left and didn't contact us for almost 6 months. Finally she called and things have been pretty nice since then. But...last night she called here at 10:45pm (knowing that my H gets up for work at 3am) and wanted to talk to him. I told her that he wasn't feeling well, had taken some meds and gone to bed hours ago. She proceeded to rip me apart. She claims that she had tried to call around 9pm and got a disconnect messege on our phone...he words were "Because YOU didn't pay the (4-letter-word ending with ing) bill!!!" I then asked her calmly "If our phone is disconnected #1 How can you be talking to me? and #2 Why did you try to call again?" She hung up on me. I told H about it this morning, and he said wearily "I'll talk to her." and I told him "No, I've said it before and I will say it again...I can be the bitter woman or the better woman, and I choose to be the better woman." He said that he really appreciates that...one of the things that makes him love me..and it makes his life so much easier. I guess I should mention here that we are having a joint birthday party for my daughter, our son, and our nephew on SUnday...I just want it to be a pleasant day, and I am afraid MIL is going to ruin it for everyone. But, I guess all I can do is smile sweetly and make the best of it.<P>Thanks for listening to me ramble..this place really is a great sounding board!<P>Gabbie<p>[This message has been edited by Gabbie (edited November 12, 1999).]

Hi Gabbie,<P>You've done very well!! Sounds like your H appreciates it too.<P>You're right, this is a good sounding board. <P>Best wishes at the party... and yuck... I'm so glad my in-laws love me! I can't imagine being HIT by my MIL. I'd just keel over and die, I think.<P>I'll say it again, you're doing great!!<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

I agree with Sheryl, Gabbie...you ARE doing great!<P>Applause...you didn't whop back.<P>Is she the kind of MIL who would find NO one good enough for her baby? Sounds like she's got some serious problems, and her problems aren't you!!<P>Keep trying!

Thank you both! Sometimes is it soooooo hard to be the better woman when just ONCE I would LOVE to be the bitter woman.<P>Lucks...not quite sure how to answer your question. It's funny, but hubby says that his mom didn't like any of his girlfriends, or his first wife. But then we he and I got together, she would tell me stories about H's ex wife...how great she is, how my H put her through hell the way he left her...but then, about a year ago, the truth of their divorce came out and MIL can't say enought BAD things about her now. Also, at FIL's funeral last month MIL was there (they had been divorced 11 years) MIL was hugging all of hubbys ex-girlfriends (most of them had grown up with H and his brothers and still live in the same area, so everyone still keeps in touch). But not once did she hug me. And I was a total and complete mess. My FIL was a very important person in my life and I loved him dearly. MIL later asked my step daughter "Why in the hell is she over there bawling?"<P>So, I guess the answer to your question is this....She doesn't think anyone is good enough for her baby...until her baby and that person split up. LOL! <P>Gabbie

Hi Gabby,<P>IF you can I would suggest that you just ignore the MIL. Be nice and just go on. Focus on you and your H. How does your H feel about this? Does he support you?

Pahakissa1,<P>Yes, my H fully supports me. When my MIL hit me, he physically picked her up, threw her in her car and told her that until she could treat me with the respect I deserved as his wife, she was no longer welcome in our home. When I told him about how she jumped my butt on the phone the other day, he was going to 'take care of it'. But I told him not to...just let it rest. Why should I be the sorce of conflict in the family? Why should I give her more reason to dislike me by "Whining to hubby" about her? Well, that's not my style. Lke I said, I will smile and be sweet as honey, and when she starts her crap, I will turn the other cheek. That's what God wants me to do, isn't it? <P>But yes, hubby is very good about standing behind me when his mother gets 'out of control'. I just can't stand to see her act like this...because she is only hurting her son and grandchildren. I have told her before "You don't have to like me...but you could learn to respect me..as your sons wife and the mother of your grandchild" She doesn't see it that way.<P>Gabbie

You go, Gabbie! Kill 'er with kindness. So MIL feels no longer threatened by H's Ex and ex-gf's, but CAN use info. concerning them to threaten her current worry...YOU!<P>She sounds very self-serving. What a pity.<P>Just keep up the good work. Don't sweat taking a stand now and then; you're not going to win this "popularity contest" in her mind anyway. But other people WILL see who's behaving nicely and who's not! Probably burns her butt each and every time she can't shake you.<P>You're doing fine! I'm glad H is supportive of you in this very difficult situation.