I posted yesterday under "just found out", so anyone who wants to can fill in any blanks I leave. Thanks, Joe for your letter, it was helpful and practical, I followed the newcomber pathway and am ready to ask again. My torment is like many of you, yet I find no one who has had their husband cheat on them with prostitutes. Our sexual activity has always been frequent,(15 times a month average)even when I was pregnant and gave birth to our children. Why would this kind of infidelity occur? I am preety freaked out by the fact that it isn't relationship oriented infidelity, and that it involves several different (7 he says) prostitutes at various different places, over the last 11 or 12 twelve years of our 18 year marriage. I don't know how to describe what I feel about my own sexuality right now, I don't even want to be a woman, I feel like he sees me with the lust he has for these other women. YUK. I wonder who else can share that this happened to them, and how do you form plan A with this type of situation? help me I'm angry and confused and disgusted, but let' get on with getting this thing healed.

Just read your post. I didn't see your whole history, but I wanted to let you know you came to the right place.<P>You will get tremedous support here. We are all going through similar things. It is the most devastating thing to ever go through.<P>Keep posting and read all of the info you can get on this site.. The Harley books are extremely helpful, but you may find other books that address the prostitute type affair more helpful..\\<P>Just go into your local bookstore and you will find a lot of info. You may want to read "Private Lies" by Frank Pittman<P>Has your H admitted to a "problem" within??? Will he seek counseling??? alone?? with you????<P>Plan A is to meet emotional needs. Your H seems to have some sort of sexual need. I don't understand a lot about this type of situation, but I would imagine that there is NOT a lot of the other needs met in a prostitute affair.<P>Also, I hate to bring this up, but have you thought to get checked for HIV??? Having sex with a prostitute increases your risk of contracting the HIV virus, which then increases the risk for the other partners (you)<P>If it makes you feel any better, I can't imagine there is a lot of LOVE in his relationships. My H is/was having an intense EA which seems harder to break than "sex". With an EA, it's sort of unrequited love....ala Romeo and juliet. You know, stab me in the heart if I can't be with my "true love". <P>This is such a difficult situation. But I know you will end up learning a lot about yourself through this. I know I have and it's not over yet. My H isn't even living at home and we have 3 children. But I see progress!!!! I know if you keep coming here you will too!!!!!

Penny:<P>I don't have much time, but I wanted to let you know how sorry I am to hear of what you're going through.<P>Tootrusting is right; you should get checked for various types of VD. It stinks, but it's better to find out now.<P>Your H didn't do this because of you. You are not a bad person. This situation suggests that he has some type of inner hang-up about who he is.<P>How is your H responding to this?<P>Hang in there. --HBC

Pennyone:<P>How are you?<P>I keep thinking of you post. I am concerned that you think you did something to cause your H to look for prostitutes. You did not. He has issues of his own.<P>How is he responding? How are you doing?<P>Please post again and let us know. For me it was not prostitutes, but I understand what you mean about your H looking at you the same way he did them. I doubt that he did. I'd bet you were always hi good wife and that the prostitutes were only that.<P>Hang in there. --HBC

Thank you HBC and TT for your response. I so needed them, and more! I have a great faith in my God to heal my mind and my emotions, and my body. I did schedule an appt. with a Dr. next Mon. to check for STDs. Thank you for the thoughtful advice, I needed it to make the appt. My husband seems to be doing ok. I am working to meet his EM, prior to all this junk coming out in the open last Wed. (wow, I made it through the week!), We had been reading parts of negotiating book by harley, and also about his needs her needs, I bought the books last year after I found out my sister's husband was having an affair. I never thought it could happen to me. And now he and I are working on the needs, mine and his, I have been trying to get him to understand mine for 18 years! He is just beginning to understand his own, and seems to be listening for the first time to what mine are, and how we can work together to fill them. We feel alot of under the surface tension at certain points of going through the pages on LBs or other pages listed on this site. I still cannot comprehend what was ( not is I hope) going on his mind when he did what he did with those OW. I have asked him, and he only eludes to an evil mystery (sin?),or self deception of some sort. And that he believed in a lie , what lie I am not sure. not very specific. I asked him to read your posts, he didn't comment after reading them, but seemed grieved to read my post. I still feel like there must be something I can do to prevent him from doing this in the future. But I don't know what it would be. He has told me it wasn't my fault, it was his decision, and he has decided to be faithful to me and to God from now on. Well, thanks for that anyway, 18 years too late. I have asked him to quit the job he has held for 8 years, it is a 40 minute average commute, 20 minutes on a great day, 11/2 hours on a bad one. The cheating all occurred (as far as I know now) before or after work. I think I would like to have him closer to home, for my sense of his accountability to me to improve. Although his field of work requires him to go to different jobsites frequently each day.(construction). So I don't know what the answer to that could be. I can't put a radar bracelet on him and track his activities. He spoke to his boss yesterday,( after my agitation to him not responding to my request for him to quit that job, which he had agreed to do, enthusiastically, after his confession.) He explained to his boss that he had been unfaithful to me before and after work while working there, and that he had done alot of damage to us, and that I wanted him to sever ties with the things which he used as opportunities to lie and cheat on me. His boss really likes him, And wanted to open a shop in the city that we live in if that would help. My husband seems to be a pretty faithful employee, and is appreciated by his male employer. I don't know what we are going to do except pray and believe that God will make a way for us. <p>[This message has been edited by Pennyone (edited May 04, 2000).]

I am glad things are going relatively well for you, all things considering! <P>I know that it is hard for you right now, but it does sound as though your H is very sorry for what he did.<P>It sounds as though your H is sorry for what has happened and that he is willing to do things to try to make sure it doesn't happen any more. That's great!<P>Hang in there. It sounds as though you both are doing well--keep up the good work! --HBC

I am in the same situation re. prostitutes. Please, anyone out there been through this?

Confused I am in the same situation re. prostitutes. Please, anyone out there been through this?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Conflicted & Confused:<BR><B>Confused I am in the same situation re. prostitutes. Please, anyone out there been through this? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes... unfortunately.... I'm afraid I have... but as the WS.<P>If you check the Emotional Needs board, I have just recently posted my "saga" there. The prostitute thing is a part of my story.<P>Hope this helps.<P>Saga-man<P> <P>

I am there with you...my H had just confessed about his affairs with the prostitutes for the last two years and then from his last business trip this April till June, he got a prostitute pregnant. How and why? I have no idea. And the fact is, he is considering leaving me with 3 kids and have a life with this person! I don't know what it is...What I know is my H doesn't have his head screwed on straight or something. This whole doesn't make sense. Even the fact that this person may be using him to get out of the country. He is under her spell. I know how you feel. This whole thing has made me feel so small! <BR> I've read that men with this problem has some sort of sexual addiction. I've also watched this program on tv "Sex and Obsession" and it pretty much states how the H was addicted to having sex with prostitutes.<BR> I thought I was the only person who has this problem. My H and I are under counseling. We'll see how it goes. <BR> Counseling is the only way I know who can help a person deal with this. Of course, this website also help get support from others.<BR>I'm not sure if this is of any help. I'm pretty new about this whole situation myself.