up

Ditto. I will continue on Plan A. It is hard, and I feel lonely inside. There seems to be not a ounce of remorse from my H who is the WS. There are days that I want to leave and just say forget it. But I am here, feeling the hurt and pain every day. Hopefully, the pain won't hurt so much one day. Does one ever become hardened to the thoughtlessness of the WS? How long does it take to get to that point? We are all in this together, and I am counseling with Jennifer Harley, without my husband. He is still talking to the OW and has not made a committment to work on this marriage according to Harleys plan. Therefore, I am to do the work myself and talk to her every week, shes my one and only person that I feel safe and protected by. Isn't that sad, the OW is protected and feels safe with my H, but I can't. God, how did you ever let this happen, not only to myself but all the other BS out there? Why do we feel so much pain, and they are till continuing their affair with the OP and getting their needs met, and we sit here like punching bags, waiting for the next blow.

B,<P>Iam still a mewbi here, D-day was almost 3 months ago. Here's why I'm doing it.<P>Even though it has only been a short while compaired to some I have often asked myself the same question. My MIL has helped me with that question often in the past. When angry and upset she would let me vent on her and when I was done she would always ask "So, why are you still there?" and every time, without thinking I'd say "I love her and I want my family". That was enough to wake me up, calm me down and make me think. I do love my W, I still believe she loves me and I still believe in her. I believe my children deserve both parents at home who love each other, no better example for them. I accept my part in the cause of the A, I owe it to myself and to my W to do all that I can to fix that part of me. I took a vow before God and to her to love her for better or worse, the worse is here how do I abandon her now. I know that through this I can and will become a better man. I believe that someday my W will come out of the fog, I want to be there for her when she does. My W has been my best friend for 10 years now, I value that and the relationship we had, I won't throw that away, not without a fight.<P>I hope I was of some help to you. It helped me to have written it down and to read what so many others have to say. Thank you.<P>Keep the faith,<BR>Silwl

thanks to everyone for hanging in there and being an example to those of us who are new hear. i hang for many reasons: i believe in my W, i've commited my life to this family, God has shown us too many miracles to believe that He is not able to make us better through all this pain, i long for feeling free and loving life, quitters never win and winners never quit, my kids deserve the best chance at this life WE have brought them into and i don't want them to go through the immense pain and loneliness i went through as a kid, i don't want to learn to love another woman, i made a commitment to never even mention divorce(i will not bow down to a selfish act of lust), God forgave me when i came to Him, i will find that strength and grace to forgive my wife for the adultery and the lies(though i feel cheated to the utmost degree), and lastly because i know that i am not perfect.......just too darn trusting!!!!!!!<BR>God will make me a stronger man on the other side of this to. <P><P>------------------<BR>If we truly believe that we died and rose with Christ then we can live like it, thus we cannot say "I can't" only "I won't" or "I will"

Wow, I came back to read this because I needed a little "reminder" and a little encouragement, and it brought tears to my eyes at times. Thanks again, everyone, for unselfishly sharing your innermost feelings.<P>I haven't been around in a while, but my thoughts and prayers have been with all of you. I sincerely hope that things are better for everyone. Since you guys been so inspirational for me, I wanted to share some things that I've recently discovered that have been helpful, not only for my marriage, but for ME and my life in general. I feel that my life is much more enriched today than I did even three months ago.<P>My H and I will be attending a MB seminar in a few weeks that will be presented by Dr. Willard Harley, Jr. "in the flesh". I am extremely excited about it, and expect that it will indeed be a life changing weekend. The materials & principles here are really quite simple, yet exactly on the mark. They WORK, so for all the newbies out there, stick around! You will find that it will make YOU a better, stronger person. After all, every one of our relationships start with US.<P>It's hard to believe that so many of us couldn't figure out how to make our marriages work before it was almost too late, huh? It's kinda like the book, "All I ever really needed to know I learned in kindergarten." Be nice to others. Don't yell at people. Don't run with scissors......ah, but I digress.<P>I recently found another wonderful book called "Courtship After Marriage" by Zig Ziglar. Many of the principles discussed are the same as the MB principles tossed together with a nice touch of humor and delightful stories, such as the "Ten-Cow Wife" or his cute observation of how all the women in the world have convinced their husbands that he is the GREATEST outdoor barbecue chef EVER...... ) I'd highly recommend it. It will lift your spirits. Not sure if you can get it at a bookstore or even Amazon, you might have to go directly to his website.<P>Thanks again to everyone for reading, posting and caring.<P>Blessings,<BR>B<P><BR>

you read my mind . thanks for bringing this back to the top. I needed it again.

Hi Faith.......reading your posts again was one of the main reasons I did send it back up! How are you doing?<P>B<BR>

bound,<BR>I'm actually very good today. Nothing good has happened - who knows what my H is doing - probably seeing an attorney today.... ?? but anyway, I'm just in a great mood. I don't know why. Just wanna be I guess.<P>Which of my posts inspired you to bring this back up? My recent ones? About myself? Or to others? Or on this thread? just curious... what you mean....<P>I'm glad you are doing well. We always need inspiration around here of great success. Thanks for sharing your BBQ secret - although those are being shared on WAT's thread today... LOL

faith,<P>Glad to hear you are doing well! You know, happiness truly DOES come from within!<P>Oh! For all you ladies out there, I have YET ANOTHER book to recommend (I read two or three a week). This one is only for us girls, the guys wouldn't be able to use it. "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach (pronounced Bon Brannock) is awesome. The best part about this one is that you can keep reading it forever. There is about a page per day (it's organized like a calendar) and it just makes you feel SO good! <P>Faith...I'll have to check out WAT's thread.....thanks for the tip. Your posts that I referred to were the ones on this thread. They helped to keep it going. Lots of wisdom here, don't you think?<P>Now I have a really stupid question......How do you do those cool little smiley faces? I've been lurking and posting here for a long time, but have never had the guts to ask anyone! Or else I've just been too lazy to look it up... ) (My antiquated smiley-face).<P>B<P><BR>

Yes, this is a wonderful thread!!! It was the catalyst to me de-lurking, and getting a grip on why I needed to learn and apply these principles. <P>smilies: when you are typing a message, look to the left and you'll see a Smilies Legend. click on that. Basically, : ) together will give you . <P>; ) together will give you .<P>tee-hee... no such thing as a stupid question!

Oh wow, I did it and didn't even know it! The earlier one was rather inappropriate, though <P>How fun is that?<P>Simple things........ <P>