Been married for almost 10 years, 1991, found out about husband's 1st affair in 1993, and in 1999 found out about his current one. He came clean and told me that he had slept with over 30 women from the time we got married in 1991 to 2000. I had an affair in 1998, which was wrong, and boy does he let me know everyday. Not a day goes by that he doesn't bring it up or throw it in my face during an argument. One affair is enough, but 30!! He never brings up in discussion his cheating throughout the whole marriage. Even to this day he gets calls and emails from other women whom he says "are just friends". <BR> His last hard affair in 1999 lasted about 2 years. He had the girl living in my house, sleeping in my bed, driving my car, eating and cooking in my kitchen, using my telephone, my bathroom, sitting on my couches, you name it. Still I am here and I try my best to protect his feelings by not bringing it up. Everyone knew about his affair with this girl. He paraded her around like she was his wife. I came back and thought we were going to try to work things out. I thought the affair was overwith, but come to find out, he was still writing her letters, and her him, they were calling each other, emailing each other, he was sending her things, and promising her everything. <BR> I was so humiliated but I am still here. I am wrong for my affair and I regret it, but something tells me he doesn't regret anything he has done. I have tried all I can to try to help us get by all the resentment. I've bought so many books, talked with friends and family, been all over the internet. He refuses to read the books or even hear me read them to him. He refuses to go to counseling. I found this site and asked him to check it out on his own time and he finds every excuse why he can't. He tells me that no matter what he reads, nothing is going to change the way he feels about my affair.<BR> I could go down the list of the over 30 women he slept with but he disregards that totally. He tells me that his affairs are my problem. It isn't his fault that I don't bring them up more often. I don't think he has ever apologized for them either. My one affair might as well be 30. <BR> I love him and we have a 9 year old daughter. I think he loves me too, but he can't seem to get passed my affair. Why am I handling his multiple affairs so well? How am I able to say I want this marriage to work with everything he has done to me? I am trying everything I can to get us through this but nothing is working. It is getting worse. I don't think anyone would have stayed this long. I haven't even mentioned the gambling, bad checks, and huge financial woes he has put us through. I have been through so much with this man and still nothing I do to show him I am in this for life, works. It almost seems as though he is sabataging us on purpose. I am at my last nerve and every bone in my body says to leave. I just don't know what to do anymore. I know if I leave, divorce is emminent. What else is left? We both are tired and there are no other answers. Atleast, none we can see. <BR> All I have ever wanted was for him to put me first, to take care of his family, to want to be married, to respect me. Is it too much to ask that your husband put his family first? His marriage first? To do everything in his power to make it work? I guess so. I am feeling so guilty about wanting to leave him. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just leave?

Sounds like a bad husband to me. I have no good advice in this case. Both should forget and move on especially your husband.

ITC30,<P>I really don't have much to offer you in the way of advice.<P>All I can really say is you need to take a good long and hard look at your marriage and your life and decide if it is what you really and truly want...<BR>if it is you need to find out what his ENs are that you have missed and start meeting them - from what you wrote you probably don't LB a whole lot, maybe you are just too numb to do that.<BR>if it isn't what you want you need to take the steps to remove yourself from the situation. Is there any place you can stay with your daughter? <P>God Bless<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{INC30}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

I almost married a man like this. He is now married to someone else and doing this to her, about 7 yrs of it so far. I believe he had borderline personality disorder, was told so by three different counselors. Your husband may have this or some other similar psychological problem , sounds like to me. I think you should look into this. If he has this and is unwilling to get help you are just spinning your wheels and your daughter's too. Sorry I know this is marriage builders but I am telling you what I know from experience. I also think that somewhere on this site it talks about this topic , I know it does, maybe someone else could post it for you

I most likely shouldn't throw in my two cents since I'm new to this board [my wife is having an affair/moved out etc.].<P>However if my wife had slept with 30 men [or if I'd slept with 30 women] during our marriage I'd have to feel that it wasn't going to change going forward without some serious help.<P>Of course you also have to take into consideration that I'm the one trying to save our marriage, not so sure my wife is interested.<P>If I have a feeling from the post's I've read [and I've read a lot the last couple of weeks] it's that one person can try and fix it, but it takes two in the end to make it work.<P>My best suggestion [based on what I'm dealing with] is to try up to the point you have to go to Plan B. At that point it's in your husbands lap to decide what he want's out of his/your life [and for your kid's sake I hope he chooses wisely - have two of my own].<P>Like I said I'm very new to this situation [19 years of marriage prior to this] so I may not be the best one to advise here.<P>Good luck<BR>

Hello clouds,<BR>Welcome to mb. There are some of us in recovery that are married to serial cheaters. Just dont want you to feel alone. (((hugs)))<BR>Quite a road you have ahead of you, especially when h states the problem is yours! Excuse me....but the problem belongs to all concerned. Please don't accept that it is yours. He has to own his responsibility in this mess.<BR>Both of you not only have to take responsibility, but you have to make reparations for the infidelity. <BR>I would say that you both need counseling. If he won't go, go alone. Do it for yourself and grow from it. <BR>It is a h**l of a way to grow, but it is what you have been handed, so use it to your advantage. It really does not matter who is more wrong in this case. Both of you were unfaithful to each other and both of you have a lot of work to do. <BR>Regardless of if the marriage survives, you have to be able to look at yourself and know you did what you could to resolve the problems. What do you really want from a relationship? Is h the one that can truly give you these things? Where do you see yourself in a few years? What will make you happy? What can h do to repair your broken heart? <BR>Think on these things because the answers will guide you over the next few weeks. (((((hugs))))) cl

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rodger:<BR><B>Sounds like a bad husband to me. I have no good advice in this case. Both should forget and move on especially your husband.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks Rodger. I think Plan B is my next move. Things are going nowhere. The Doc says that separation 9 times out of 10 ends in divorce or total separation, which scares me, but I think it is all there is left to do. Thanks again for your time. Clouds

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Patient Love:<BR><B>ITC30,<P>I really don't have much to offer you in the way of advice.<P>All I can really say is you need to take a good long and hard look at your marriage and your life and decide if it is what you really and truly want...<BR>if it is you need to find out what his ENs are that you have missed and start meeting them - from what you wrote you probably don't LB a whole lot, maybe you are just too numb to do that.<BR>if it isn't what you want you need to take the steps to remove yourself from the situation. Is there any place you can stay with your daughter? <P>God Bless<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{INC30}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you for this. Straight to the point, yes, I have a place for my daughter and I to go. Through this all, I have been making plans in case nothing I did worked or nothing changed. I still have a little while longer until I can put the plan into full effect and I thought that in the meantime that I'd share this site and the topics with my h to see how he handles it. To my amazement, he has taken some of what I printed to work and read them on his breaks. Some of his co-workers saw what he was reading and asked that he give them a copy. H bragged about this when he got home, but that was the end of that. <BR> I am numb but find myself crying at times. I try to hide this at work, but it is so hard sometimes. I am a smiling person. When I don't smile or laugh, people who know me and work with me know something is wrong. It is just so hard. <BR> I asked my H to write down his most important ENs but no reply yet. I know for sure that S is his most important need, but I am hardly ever in the mood. This causes arguments and past issues come out. H feels unneeded and I feel used. We did have a discussion about our ENs, but then we got into a heated discussion, "if you meet mine, I'll meet yours". It went back and forth until we just went to separate rooms. I then printed out what the site says about emotional needs, but he refuses to hear it or read it. UGHHH!!! <BR> Do I keep trying or just let H go and hope that he will meet me half way on his own? Then I ask myself, why is it so hard to just let go? I know only I can answer these Qs. Thanks Patient Love.

Hi CLOUDS,<BR>Why can't you just leave? Are you afraid to leave? After all that has happened and all that he has shown you about his lack of character, are you still hoping for the best? Are you hoping that he will change? Are you unwilling to admit you made a mistake by staying as long as you have?<P>Hmmm... You said you feel guilty because of your affair, but it appears that you are remorseful and have taken responsibility for your mistakes and willing to move forward in spite of enduring incredible emotional abuse!!!<P>This sounds like a very unhealthy situation for you and your young daughter to be living in. She's learning about marriage and relationships by your example of what sort of behavior is tolerable. She sees the way her father is treating her mom--don't think she doesn't! She has probably seen her mommie cry a few times, too! 30+ affairs and blaming you for your 1, financial disasters, disrespectful judgments against you, refusal to seek counseling or read MB material, plus you can't say for sure if he loves you?<P>My sweet friend, what are you trying to prove--how much abuse a person can take? Are you as addicted to the abuse as he is addicted to his affairs? I mean, what is your real payoff here? Is there any payoff at all? Perhaps you do love him but it doesn't sound like healthy love because he's not healthy and the relationship seems very unhealthy for you.<P>Please don't think I'm meaning to sound harsh because I say all this with only love and concern in my heart for you--are you beating your head against a brick wall?????<P>Could your husband possibly be using drugs or alcohol? His behavior does not sound at all rational to me!

First of all-I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you. I agree with the consensus of the posters, that this has gone way beyond fixable without some SERIOUS help.<P>Have you thought about your daughter? My concern is that she may start to think that your husband's actions are okay in a marriage. That people can have affairs and it's okay. She may not know the specifics, but she sure knows something is going on. Later in life, when she gets married she will have no real idea of what a good marriage is (part of my problem) and get stuck in a similar situation. Especially if he's parading the OW around town like she's his wife. He is showing you no respect or your marriage.<P>A good friend of mine suggested that I face my fears and figure out what I'm afraid of...I suggest you do the same. Are you afraid to be alone if he leaves or you leave? I think in the long run it's better for you and your daughter to be rid of this mess. You can begin to put your self-esteem back together and get past the pain. 30 affairs is a lot to forgive and who's to say he won't have more? You owe it to yourself to be happy. You must respect yourself and decide what is best for you for the rest of your life.<P>On another note, have you checked yourself for STD's? 30 affairs is 30 chances to get and STD. AIDS is not the only thing out there either. I urge you to get checked out.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:<BR><B>Hi CLOUDS,<BR>Why can't you just leave? Are you afraid to leave? After all that has happened and all that he has shown you about his lack of character, are you still hoping for the best? Are you hoping that he will change? Are you unwilling to admit you made a mistake by staying as long as you have?<P>Hmmm... You said you feel guilty because of your affair, but it appears that you are remorseful and have taken responsibility for your mistakes and willing to move forward in spite of enduring incredible emotional abuse!!!<P>This sounds like a very unhealthy situation for you and your young daughter to be living in. She's learning about marriage and relationships by your example of what sort of behavior is tolerable. She sees the way her father is treating her mom--don't think she doesn't! She has probably seen her mommie cry a few times, too! 30+ affairs and blaming you for your 1, financial disasters, disrespectful judgments against you, refusal to seek counseling or read MB material, plus you can't say for sure if he loves you?<P>My sweet friend, what are you trying to prove--how much abuse a person can take? Are you as addicted to the abuse as he is addicted to his affairs? I mean, what is your real payoff here? Is there any payoff at all? Perhaps you do love him but it doesn't sound like healthy love because he's not healthy and the relationship seems very unhealthy for you.<P>Please don't think I'm meaning to sound harsh because I say all this with only love and concern in my heart for you--are you beating your head against a brick wall?????<P>Could your husband possibly be using drugs or alcohol? His behavior does not sound at all rational to me!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You are not being harsh. You are speaking your mind and voicing your opinion. I like that and need that. THANK YOU. Honestly, I don't know why I have stayed thus far. I do think I am addicted. After 11 years of this, I find myself hanging on to the hope that I could leave without feeling guilty or afraid. I am not afraid to be on my own. My only fears are for my daughter if I stay any longer. She is so smart and it hurts my heart to know what me staying here is putting her through. She has voiced to me that she wants us to leave. I look back and from day one, I know that I have been her soul parent. He has been here but he hasn't been here. You know what I mean?<BR> I have got this thing of making sure he is okay. I am always fixing his messes. I think I have been doing it to prove my love to him, but I think it has turned to resentment and anger cause he keeps repeating the same old things. It is so OLD and I am tired. I am tired of waiting for him to grow up. I just hate to say it was all a waste, you know. I do know that now is the time to salvage the rest of my life and my daughter's. I just hate this. I feel so sad and so sorry for him. <BR> He is not on drugs or an alcoholic, but an compulsive gambler and sex addict(he admits). He has a complex about his size. Sometimes I think he is two different people. He needs help to deal with his demons and I have to step out of the way. I think he uses me to avoid looking at himself as I sit here and think about it. <BR> I think I have all there is to gain from it. I am at a complete stand still. Thanks DUNthat, I will keep you posted.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jskjsk:<BR><B>I almost married a man like this. He is now married to someone else and doing this to her, about 7 yrs of it so far. I believe he had borderline personality disorder, was told so by three different counselors. Your husband may have this or some other similar psychological problem , sounds like to me. I think you should look into this. If he has this and is unwilling to get help you are just spinning your wheels and your daughter's too. Sorry I know this is marriage builders but I am telling you what I know from experience. I also think that somewhere on this site it talks about this topic , I know it does, maybe someone else could post it for you</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>You are completly on the money! I think the same thing. I was telling one of the other members that I feel like he is two different people at times. He had a very rough childhood. His father was killed by his own sister in front of the whole family. The whole family has problems. I blame myself for not getting to know him COMPLETELY before I said I do. Now I am paying the price. It is only up to me to change my situation and stop complaining so much. If I want things to change, I have to just jump into the fear and do it. Right? I am so afraid I am going to hurt him. I don't know why. He hurts me everyday(emotionally). Is it a control thing you think with me? I am so desperate to show him that there is a good side of life that I have accepted his hurtful way. I am just blabbing now, but my H does need help and it is only up to him to do that. He can't protect me so I have to protect myself. I know this now. It is so very sad to me.....<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Red Reaver:<BR><B>I most likely shouldn't throw in my two cents since I'm new to this board [my wife is having an affair/moved out etc.].<P>However if my wife had slept with 30 men [or if I'd slept with 30 women] during our marriage I'd have to feel that it wasn't going to change going forward without some serious help.<P>Of course you also have to take into consideration that I'm the one trying to save our marriage, not so sure my wife is interested.<P>If I have a feeling from the post's I've read [and I've read a lot the last couple of weeks] it's that one person can try and fix it, but it takes two in the end to make it work.<P>My best suggestion [based on what I'm dealing with] is to try up to the point you have to go to Plan B. At that point it's in your husbands lap to decide what he want's out of his/your life [and for your kid's sake I hope he chooses wisely - have two of my own].<P>Like I said I'm very new to this situation [19 years of marriage prior to this] so I may not be the best one to advise here.<P>Good luck</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>All and any advice is welcome at this point. Hearing other's situations helps me beyond belief. It gives me courage, and I am very thankful for that.<P>It is a good thing that you are trying to repair your marriage. I feel, that atleast we are doing everything we can on our part to make it work. In the end, we will not be the ones regretting that, they will. I truly believe that my H takes advantage of me and takes me for granted. He has voiced this to me over and over---"You are not going anywhere....I know you will be there"---Whats that expression, you don't know a good thing until it's gone? That is what he will be feeling if he doesn't open his eyes and get busy.<P>I am so sad and my heart hurts to know that my marriage may be ending, but it gives me strength and hope at the same time. I sacrificed alot for him. I have found a renewed strength in myself to know I will be okay. It was my choice to sacrifice my livelihood and it is my choice to get it started, a little late, but better late than never.<P>Do you think that maybe your 19 years and my 10 is what holds us back? Speaking for me, I think I look at it as a waste? What was it all for if I just walk away? I ask myself this all the time. My spiritual side steps in and says to me that it was not a waste but a learning experience . Now you know what to do and not to do. I can't look at it as failure because I have my beautiful daughter to show for it. She is not a failure and I will never allow her to think that of herself, EVER. I feel that she is my gift from God. She knows this.<P>So, we fix and we try with no effort from their parts. How long do we wait? My H tells me that nothing will change and that he will never get over it. I feel so guilty for my part, but I feel no guilt or remorse from him. I think he feels almost justified for what he has done. That scares me cause he will do it again, if that's the case, I am sure of it. He shows me no reason that he won't. My fixing days are over. It is his call now. <BR>

Clouds 320,<P>I think you are off to a good start...here is where you'll find support of good people. I also think you know what your next and only move has to be (that is in order to be healthy). <P>Your husband is the kinda of person thats give the word "cheater" it's definition. I am so sorry for your pain.<P>Keep your chin up be a good mom...<BR>D2K<BR>

I know it's sad. It's sad when the ones we love act so selfishly. I'm so sorry. Listen to your daughter. She's speaking from her innocent heart. Her emotions are not all tangling up her reasoning. Out of the mouths of babes... Wow.<P>Consider yourself hugged. Stop feeling sorry for your H. He has done this to himself. He didn't appreciate his good thing that he has in a loving family. I'm so sorry.<P>But you know? Some of the greatest miracles are born out of the deepest pain. When Jesus died on the cross, He looked pretty defeated, didn't He? But it was all part of God's plan to redeem mankind. It was God's plan. It's not so much what you are leaving behind and what is dying (your marriage), but more possibilities for growth in positive directions ahead. For you and most importantly for your child. Keep reading Harley's articles and letters--all good information for all sorts of relationships. Keep learning, keep growing so you know what to tolerate and what not to tolerate in future dealings with your H, or with anyone! LOVE YOU!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:<BR><B>I know it's sad. It's sad when the ones we love act so selfishly. I'm so sorry. Listen to your daughter. She's speaking from her innocent heart. Her emotions are not all tangling up her reasoning. Out of the mouths of babes... Wow.<P>Consider yourself hugged. Stop feeling sorry for your H. He has done this to himself. He didn't appreciate his good thing that he has in a loving family. I'm so sorry.<P>But you know? Some of the greatest miracles are born out of the deepest pain. When Jesus died on the cross, He looked pretty defeated, didn't He? But it was all part of God's plan to redeem mankind. It was God's plan. It's not so much what you are leaving behind and what is dying (your marriage), but more possibilities for growth in positive directions ahead. For you and most importantly for your child. Keep reading Harley's articles and letters--all good information for all sorts of relationships. Keep learning, keep growing so you know what to tolerate and what not to tolerate in future dealings with your H, or with anyone! LOVE YOU!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you so much. Your words make me feel hugged and help ease the pain more than you know. Gotta let out some tears...WITH ALL MY HEART. I'll keep you updated...HAVE A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by deepbluesea:<BR><B>First of all-I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you. I agree with the consensus of the posters, that this has gone way beyond fixable without some SERIOUS help.<P>Have you thought about your daughter? My concern is that she may start to think that your husband's actions are okay in a marriage. That people can have affairs and it's okay. She may not know the specifics, but she sure knows something is going on. Later in life, when she gets married she will have no real idea of what a good marriage is (part of my problem) and get stuck in a similar situation. Especially if he's parading the OW around town like she's his wife. He is showing you no respect or your marriage.<P>A good friend of mine suggested that I face my fears and figure out what I'm afraid of...I suggest you do the same. Are you afraid to be alone if he leaves or you leave? I think in the long run it's better for you and your daughter to be rid of this mess. You can begin to put your self-esteem back together and get past the pain. 30 affairs is a lot to forgive and who's to say he won't have more? You owe it to yourself to be happy. You must respect yourself and decide what is best for you for the rest of your life.<P>On another note, have you checked yourself for STD's? 30 affairs is 30 chances to get and STD. AIDS is not the only thing out there either. I urge you to get checked out.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>BLUE SEA,<BR>Yes, I take test every 6 months as a result of this. I've been blessed that nothing has turned up yet. <P>You are so right about respecting myself and what my daughter may be learning from all this. My only thoughts right now are to get her as far away from this as possible. She is so very smart and impressionable. So, I am putting my plan into effect as we speak. <P>Thanks so much for your time and input. This is the most amazing site. I know I am not alone and it helps ease the tremendous pain, anxiety, and anger that I am feeling. Through it all I have never felt alone. My family supports me beyond belief. People like you make it even better. Have a great day!! You are in my prayers and much hugs to you. I know that we will be okay and survive this. We will be better and stronger people because of this. Wiser too.(smile)

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Discovery2000:<BR><B>Clouds 320,<P>I think you are off to a good start...here is where you'll find support of good people. I also think you know what your next and only move has to be (that is in order to be healthy). <P>Your husband is the kinda of person thats give the word "cheater" it's definition. I am so sorry for your pain.<P>Keep your chin up be a good mom...<BR>D2K</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for your support. Yes, I know the next move and am putting that plan into effect as I type this to you. I have to be healthy emotionally and physically for me and my daughter's sake. All this support is so wonderful. It gives me hope and shows me a new light. It is also spiritually uplifting and helps me pass the time away. I have good and bad days. I am both scared and excited about what is in store for me. My attitude has changed so much since I found this site. I think it scares my H. You should hear him. Thanks Discovery2000!!

I am so glad to hear that you are getting checked out every 6 months. What a sad thing for you to have to do...worrying that you might get something due to a wandering husband. :mad<P>Look deep inside yourself-you are a strong person and you must be strong for your daughter. You will get through this. I'll "send" you some of my strength and courage through prayer to think about what is best for you and your family.<P>Be strong!

Is it normal to be Plan Aing while planning Plan B? I am so confused at times. Part of me wants to stay and the other part wants to leave. H is so loving at times and such an @#%$#%^ at others. <P>I also noticed that he gets so defensive about everything that I ask him. He still brings up my A. He asks me explicit details still to this day. It has been over 2 years since my A ended. I am so tired of him still asking me questions about it. I don't ask him questions about the 30 something women he's been with. I mean, he ask me about size, who was better, what positions, etc.. It really bothers me. <P>No matter how much I tell him I am sorry for what I did (he never says sorry for what he did or acknowledges it) or try to show him how much I love him, he is never satisfied. My H keeps telling me that he doesn't think he pleases me sexually. I tell him he does. He tells me I am lieing. Then he goes on to say, how can he when I slept with a man who had a bigger penis and a much larger body. Then we get into it all over again. Now I find it hard to have sex with my husband cause I don't want to go through this. <P>If I am planning on going to Plan B, should I still be intimate with my H? I feel like I am d****d if I do and d****d if I don't. We haven't in over a month. My H keeps count. I am feeling neglected and therefore neglecting his needs too. I am trying my best to do Plan A while we are together until Plan B goes into effect(after too), but it is so confusing. He is making me hate him. I already don't like his ways. What is he trying to do?<P>He just can't get over my A. It is tearing us apart. I just don't know why I can forgive his mulitiple A's and he not my one. Why is he holding onto it? Is is because he is a man and I am a woman? Can he possibally be thinking it is okay for a man to cheat and not a woman? What is it? He cheated on me our entire marriage and it was totally unbelievable that I cheated on him. Maybe he was thinking that he was so irresistable that he could have all these women and still have a wife who was blind enough not to see it, let alone would ever do that to him. I guess my H felt like he was the only one whose needs were not being met.<P>I don't know. Anyways, he is not paying the bills again and starting to gamble again too. I am taking my D with me for about 3 weeks to visit my parents. My H flat out said he didn't want to come when I asked him. It hurt me, but I also felt a little relieved. He keeps asking me am I coming back. I think he is scared I will not so he is being on his best behavior. <P>I don't trust him, but I am so glad to be away from him for a little while. I am venting bigtime. He is asleep in the bed now. Today we went bowling. He played the slots while my D and I bowled. Then he comes over and tells me that he is going home to get his bowling balls so he could bowl with us. He was gone an hour. When he came back I asked him what took so long(We only live 5 mins. from the bowling alley). He told me he got a phone call from his platoon Sgt.(H is in the military). I said okay and let it go thinking I didn't want to ruin the day by questioning him. So, I waited until we got home. <P>When I brought it up my H got mad and basically lectured me on when I should bring things up to him and why should I if I don't believe anything he says anyway. He says he is getting ready to go to sleep and now I want to bring something stupid like that up. His words, "you always want to talk about this stuff at the wrong time. Why didn't you bring it up at the bowling alley? I don't know why you ask me questions if you are not going to believe anything I say anyway. Now you have ruined the rest of the night. You always do this. I think you do this on purpose." I just shut down. I didnt know what to say. So I said nothing, got up, went into the kitchen, got something to drink, and sat down at the kitchen table for 5 minutes. When I came back into the room, he was sleeping. <P>I can't wait to get on that plane. I am afraid of what will be waiting for me when I get back though. Sorry this is so long. Thanks for listening. Goodnight.<P> <P> <P>