OK some of you have read what I posted about what had transpired over Friday and Saturday. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011728.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011728.html</A> <BR>Well I guess you could say things got better Saturday afternoon, W started to confide in me about her problems with OM. I told her she could talk to me about anthing she wanted but that I would give any advise becuase that would be unfair on my part. She went as far as to say that she was sitting in the middle right now and she knows it, she's not happy about it but she's not uncofortable either. She also said that with what had happened over the past few weeks she found herself being pushed or turning in my direction. That the fairtale was comming to an end. She even said that I was an amazing person, I asked what she ment and she said that she couldn't believe that I would willingly be there for her even knowing why she was hurting. I told her that was because I loved her and I couldn't stand to see her hurt or upset no matter what the reason and that it hurt me when she was. That noght she asked me to stay at the house because she didn't want to be alone, so I sleep on the couch. On Sunday morning OM called and they got into it again which had her upset all day again. Well this morning when I called her to see how she was doing she jumped down my throat, just went off about anything, even hung up on me. I called her voice mail and told her I was sorry for what ever I had done and that I was sorry she was apparntly have a bad day but if she needed anything or wanted to talk I was there and I hoped she had a better day. She called awhile later to say sorry that it wasn't me and she didn't want to talk and not to ask if she was ok because she wasn't and wouldn't be. She also said there was nothing I could do. I assume that she spoke with OM again and things didn't go well. I'll see her tonight when I watch the kids while she goes to class.<P>What do you think? Sounds promising to me, I feel happy that OM is blowing it LBing all over the place I hope he does it all week long but I'm also upset that she's so upset. I hate to see her in pain for any reason. I feel bad that I want OM to continue to do what he is doing but I do hope he keeps her upset all week long. Also what do you think I should do, seems as though she may be getting alittle upset at me for asking her to much "are you OK" any ideas on my next step. I guess I need to find some middle ground. Any way thanks for the prayers and good wishes.<P>silwl<BR>

silwl,<P>my prayers are with you. I think (just my opinion) is that us BS need to be flexible to change our approach when what seemed to work in the past no longer works. She's probably upset that it does work, you showing your concern and all and either doesn't feel she deserves a friend like you, or as my w says "I just don't know what I want" That was her way of saying "I know that staying with you is the best thing but I don't deserve that and I don't think that I am stong enough to make us work; just look at my resent track record" <P>there is a bible study about guilt and shame that I gave to w when this all began as an EA 3 months ago, she has not gone through it though, she probably feels that she doesn't deserve to be released of the feelings of guilt, another one of the enemy's ploys of destruction. I think it is called "shame, the thief of intamacy" <P>best of luck and prayers sent your way<BR>knight?

Don't you just love it when the OP LB's. So they can do that and some are good at it. You wonder though would we stand for a non famiy member to treat us like that and just take it? Yet that is what the Ws's do, they allow themselves to be used and abused by the OP and some of the OPs really think they are entitled to do that to whoever they please. YUCK!!!! <P>No wonder it is hard for the BS to watch. Look at what we have to watch? Ws knock the breath out of the BS, WS kick the children (by their A actions), OP kick the WS and the WS comes back for more, WS takes their anger out on the BS and then has to apologize? Yep, worse than watching those awful soap operas. <P>Some of these dumb OPs are stupid enough to think they can make those soap operas come true. Hmmmph....... Life is to short to act out a soap opera. <P>You do sound like you have a handle on things. You are right to let her know when you don't know why she is yelling at you. Each time, let her know. Eventually she will realize it. In time. That's the key.....<P>So take care and be patient. <P>L. <BR>

Dear still in love...<P>I have carefully read everything you have posted and I think your W knows you know that her relationship with OM is falling apart at the seams, which is why it is a LB for you to ask... I guess it's pretty much okay if *she* brings it up, but she doesn't want you pointing it out. Even tho, you have her best interests at heart, she's feeling defensive because she's seeing OM in conflict stage and it ain't pretty!<P>He is not you and he never will be and she may have to face it sooner than later. Good.<P>Also, wanted to note that a fellow MBer recently quoted Steve Harley as saying that if you feel like a doormat, you are working a perfect Plan A, so CONGRATULATIONS! Consider yourself receiving a pat on the back from me. Hang on & God bless your family!

silwl, no advice really but just want to commend you.<P>You sound like my H. Our situation was different than yours but he just was so patient and exactly the same about knowing I was hurting even if it was my own fault..he stood by me and loved me back to my senses again.<P>Sounds like you are on the right track and I just want to thank you for your courage, integrity, faithfulness and love toward your W even though this must be horrificly painful for you to endure. Keep on the right path.<P>Blessings!<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start