Hey, Orchid:<BR> I was talking w/a very good friend of mine via e-mail (counselor by trade), and she brought up the concept of the stages of grief as well....as you often do.<P>She said, though, that the WS will ALSO be experiencing the grief process....and to consider what stage they might be in at any given moment, not just your OWN stage of grief.<P>This was revolutionary to me! I never thought about my H going through grief stages as well. But if he is indeed "grieving" the "death of his M" it makes sense! What are your thoughts on this concept? And WHEN do you think the WS is going through stages? Wouldn't you think they begin before BS, and move through quicker, since THEY - in a sense - INITIATED this whole disaster?<P>I would like to hear from WS's, too, who think they may have experienced these stages, and where and when they experienced them.<P>Thanks, all! We're all just still learning, aren't we?<P>Lupo

Hi L.<P>Good question. I am sure others are way more qualified than I am on this subject. I have heard that WSs go through a sort of grieving. Whether this is before they choose to the A, during or after, I am not sure. <P>We would all do well to see what the Ws's out there who have gone through these various stages have to say. If anyone knows about this please let us know. <P>You certainly have peaked my interest. Think SnL will respond? Hope so.<P>L.<BR>

Very good topic, Lupo.<P>When my H was wanting to leave he told me he had already gone thru the 5 steps of grieving and death of our marriage and said good-bye to everything in the house (his words). I think he did start the grieving before me, but I don't believe he was done with it when he left.<P>My best guess is the WS's go thru the grieving also, however, I think since they have the OP, their's is not as traumatic. I tend to think it's padded by being with the OP. I would hope that's not how it is, but because they are so deeply enamoured with that relationship, I think they may not feel the pain we (BS's) do.<P>I'm very interested in what the WS's here have to say. I'd also like to know if the A crashes and burns, does the real grieving of the marriage for the WS's then begin.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 20, 2001).]

Nudged to the TOP.<P>Jo