I wanted to post a seperate thread to to again apologize for my percieved crudeness, rudeness, and disrespectful replies. <BR>I have stated numerous times that I do get insight from the WS point of view. <P> I do see where my style of writing can be taken in these terms. Just as what you say can be taken completly out of context of what you mean or how you feel. <P> I guess what makes me feel something adverse from what some WS say is the difference in the reasons some WS claim to be on MB, compared to why I am here. I am here because I do realize that I need to make changes in MYSELF. Because I do realize that I could have been a much better H to my W.<P> I am here to try to save my marriage. Versus trying to educate someone. I am trying to educate myself. And attempting to share some of the things that I percieve are not right about my situation. I think I would have to say that it is much easier to vent and discuss other BS, WS problems than my own. That is something else I am working on. Letting my feelings out here and within marriage. It is easier to let my frustrations out here and possibly learn something before I do it on my WS.<P> It has been stated that WSs on the board are not blaming the BS for their A. That there is a fine line between what they say and actually blaming the BS. OK, I see that line. But it really is a darn thin line. <P> Anyway I am rambling and that is not my intent either. WSs, KNOW that I do appreciate you pointing out some things I would not see if you were not here. While I come accross as being disrespectful and judgemental, it is not necessarily my intent.<P> Not all WS OR BS think entirely alike. Again I apologize.<P>jd

thx jd, I was not particularly offended by you (just for the record). I know this is volatile stuff, not just an academic debate board, real lives are at stake, so I am not all that worried about recieveing some venting or displaced anger....although bramble made some good points about getting to used to doing that . It works both ways, it is helpful to me to know how the bs feel too, I still am surprised this upset my wife so much, I really didn't think she would care much, and just throw me out. So yeah, I try to make some social ammends here, by offering up myself...but it is not to enlighten....I think that somehow we got a little off track on that concept. I don't think any of the ws are here to "teach" or "mentor" anyone, that would be indeed annoying...IMO it serves better to think of this as a place to share experiences and opinions, knowing each will take away what they will and do with it as they will. In posting our "emotions" I think sometimes we all appear to be making disrespectful judgements (due to volatility of these kinds of issues), so should wear thick skins, and consume large chunks of salt, before taking personal umbrage, over a vigorous (but legitimate) disagreement...and I think we all can tell the difference. When we start opineing on the motives, or self-worth of each other, a line has been crossed. When someone says they think I am lieing to myself, and/or rationalizing that is ok, comes with the territory, I want that....but if the tone is....oh btw, I think you are an a**hole too, or I think you are deliberately lieing to the board, or I think you aren't here to grow and learn...then that is personal and uncalled for, and of little value to either party..though I still won't complain. OTOH bramble made a good point, one must be concerned about their behaviour all the time, and the mindsets one develops, one cannot be disrespectful in one place, and not have it affect their behaviour elsewhere. For the record, I have had passing thoughts on occassion re some of the venting here, thinking it is no wonder their ws wandered. When I see that, rather than be obnoxious and call someone a loser, I try to find a way to make my point without triggering their defensive assets. I suppose that applies to the ws too, does no good to chastise us if you make it aggressive. I have a very high tolerance for abuse, and look through it to the reasons I was trashed (which has only happened a couple times here anyways), but that is just me....others will react differently....one must decide whether the goal is effective persuasion, or just venting at another's expense. IMO there is something else to be learned here besides MB stuff, and that is how to interact with someone who just irritates the bejeepers out of you.

JD -- this was unneccessary but appreciated.<P>Hey, I had an issue with what you said, called you on it and you apologized. Thats cool with me. Done.<P>

Thanks SNL,<P> I will continue to work on my communication skills so this sort of thing doesn't happen in the future. I believe you are 100% correct in that we can learn valuable communication skills with someone who irritates us greatly. I do not wish to be one of those who does that, irritates. Perhaps it is I who should go back in lurk mode? Nah, I won't do that just yet. However I will work on how I put forth my feelings so as not to come accross as a pr***.<P> Thank you sir.<P> jd<P><BR>

Thanks Lexxxy. Please do not leave the boards<P>jd

Hey <B>jd</B> ~<P>I didn't start my thread because of you in particular. I've been really distressed by a general attitude of disrespect on this board for awhile. I actually had to think for a couple of weeks about how I wanted to address it, because I didn't want to start flaming anyone.<P>So I tried to link it to the lessons I've learned through my own 2 year ordeal. <P>Its really easy to get angry at a WS, especially when you are in the middle of your own pain. Venting is great, as long as you aren't disrespecting others....in fact, sometimes I think the WS's are here for us to practice on <P>And you know what? I get ALOT of help and support for my own marriage simply by responding to others. So I think you are on the right track. Sometimes I end up telling people the very thing that I need to hear right that moment. Funny how that works.<P>Just know that while the pain doesn't necessarily get better - you do learn eventually how to survive with it.<P>((((hugs))))<P><P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Thanks Bramble,<P> Your points have not gone un-noticed by me. I know I have a long way to go, but that doesn't mean I have to hurt feelings along the way. I'll get better I promise, but feel free to jump in and let me know when you think I may be out of line. <P> jd

Me too. Sorry if I have offended anyone because I am here to save my marriage as well--not to teach or preach. I love the Word of God and can't help but think of different passages I have read that have encouraged me in my life that I hope would encourage others. Faith is the same substance that can be applied to all sorts of situations, no matter what.<P>I am fully aware that not everyone out here is Christian, but being a Christian-oriented site, methinks it's mostly safe to share scriptures and mention Jesus. I'm sure you have figured out by now that I'm a Jesus Freak. Didn't mind being a freak when I wasn't walking with the Lord and certainly do not take offense at being labeled one now. Might as well be known for something positive in my life.<P>JD--I totally respect you and you always seem to write exactly what I am thinking. Your posts are always to the point and you hit the nail on the head, at least with me... No one here seems to have taken offense and clearly, no offense was meant by you, just speaking from your heart is all. We all do for the most part.<P>SnL DOES have thick skin! OMGosh! I just love that about him. I'm glad he just takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin' and posting. Too cool...<P>Lexxy, trueheart, chaz, bramble, & everyone--I know there are faces behind these names and I respect all of you as human beings first and foremost. It's funny because we never know who God will use to speak a word of wisdom into our lives and I am open. Sorry if I ever seem to come across as judgmental. <P>I judge myself and I judge behavior--not people, just so you know that about me. God loves all of us the same, whether we work on our relationship with Him or NOT! He has no favorites! I'm not perfect neither is my marriage, but one thing I know is that MB concepts and books have helped save us tremendously.<P>My husband and I pray for all of you. I pray for you guys every day, for your kids and for your OW, OW's Hs, OCs, just everyone involved and hurting in each case--individually and collectively. I pray for God to prosper you spiritually, physically, mentally, socially, domestically and financially in all abundance.<P>Not everyone will reconcile because not everyone married for the right reasons. But my prayer is wherever the marriages were broken, like a bone when it heals, they would be stronger at the place where they mended. Love this site and love all of you guys! <3<3<3