My husband is moving today. Transferring to a good job opportunity. Part of me feels it is the final nail in the coffin of my 25 year marriage. Part of me feels it could finally open his eyes by not having me around at all. Since separating in August, we have seen each other at least once during the week and spent most weekends doing things together. He still can't/won't tell me he loves me, although he "does" the things I always wanted him to when we were married that he didn't. He made my birthday this week so special. Beautiful bracelet and dinner. <P>I want to be patient and I want our marriage to recover. I just don't know how it will work out since he is so far away. <P>Any of you guys recover while long distance? Six hours.

Janie -<BR>Don't have a success story for you. Just commiseration since I may be facing the same after the first of the year. This is a great fear of mine as well. <P>But...sometimes any change is positive if it serves to break patterns. Your H is going to miss you when he moves. I can see by his desire to spend time with you that he needs you very much. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Also keep in mind how much better you sometimes seem to feel when he is not around - as far as gaining strength and focusing on you. Sometimes I feel I would rather just have no contact for this very reason (hmmm...plan B?) until H decides he is ready to commit again.<P>I assume you are doing a plan A type separation? <P>Take care Janie, you are in my thoughts and I hope this all works out for the best...<P>Starpony

Thanks, SP. Yes, at times I do feel stronger when not around him. It definitely has been a Plan A type of seperation. We both are typically on our best behavior. <P>I hope your situation works out as well.

Janie,<P>Please have confidence. Your H has changed everything in his life but you. You are still very much in it. I suspect that the new job will move him from depression back into the real world. He will miss you and he does not have to leave to know that. HE KNOWS HE WILL MISS YOU. It is obvious that although he hasn't said "I love you". That there is still much love for you in his heart. He is not confident enough of himself to tell you. He does not want to disappoint you, and in many ways probably doesn't understand why he did what he did. So he is not certain about himself.<P>I believe that in your case that "distance will (indeed) make the heart grow fonder". Enjoy yourself, your space, and your time with him. Have patience and confidence. It sure seems from here that things are definitely moving in the correct direction for you.<P>God Bless You and Your Family<P>

hi janie, my h was gone for quite awhile after i discovered the latest affair. It actually was good for me. I may have strangled him otherwise!! Seriously....it was fine. I found it pretty easy to stay in plan a. Hey I could be wonderful on the phone, then slam it down and scream! No one to hear the lovebusters?! YOu can write a lot of disposable letters to purge your soul. I only mailed the ones that met the plan a criteria, but I wrote many more!<BR>We did fine with the long distance recovery. I do feel it made things rather slow...many here were much quicker to reach certain milestones during recovery. But it heals both ways, so the outcome was the same.<BR>It was a little tough sometimes...when you are blue, there is no one to pick you up, cheer you on, and give you that hug! But remember we are here for you janie.<BR>(((janie)))

My H made plans to move to Kansas from Washington State to live with the OW. He travelled down there after quitting his job and stayed for a couple weeks. I was somehow "never home" when he called and instructed my work not to take his calls. Our kids didn't care if he did or didn't call. That hurt him and he became homesick. Funny, not that he came back home, all he wants to do is move there again and ignore us. People are fickle.<P>Perhaps, like my H, he will get homesick for the "good life" and want to move where his family and good memories are. I don't care how wonderful he thinks the OW is...when he kisses her in the morning, she still has morning breath like the rest of us. Illusions can be shattered.

My daughter came up Sat. morning to attend a friend's wedding and just to visit. Her dad had spent the night at her apt the night before on his way to Wilmington. She told me he was scared and upset. She made him promise her he would get some help when he settles in. Like me, she wants him to be able to find inner happiness with himself. Until he does that he won't be able to find it with me.<P>Sunday evening he called to give me his phone number. Said Sat. had been a terrible day for him, but Sun was better. He starts to work today. This week will probably be a whirlwind for him. <P>I did well over the weekend. Got lots of rest Sat. (first weekend I haven't worked in a while, plus emotionally drained). Worked out Sat, then went home and went to bed and read my book I've been trying to finish for weeks. Made a big crock pot of stew. Daughter got home then left to go to her friend's wedding and party afterwards. Sun we went to church, out to dinner with my mom/dad/sister then went to visit his mom. We later went to see a movie (Double Jeopardy ). Went home, watched a little tube then died. I think I did great over the weekend. I love him, but I'm gonna make it without him being here.<P>