I just got tested a few days ago and am waiting for my results. MY H's A was with a single coworker in her thirties who has never been married so I"m quite nervous as you can imagine. But H told me AFTER I got tested that OW 's previous boyfriend before the A with my husband had been fooling around on her so she had been tested right after that guy. Gee what reassurance! I had an HIV test done too- I went to a new female OB/GYN for these tests and she was completely disgusted that my H of 15 yrs would expose me to all of this. I asked her for a prescription for sleeping meds and she refused saying, " No man is worth it!" And the nurse said,"I'm surprised you're even trying to reconcile with your H!" I felt really bad. I was nervous enough about the tests. lifeismessy

Well after A1, I made him get tested...didn't think of me...why? In my own fog.. Just recently had the tests, all okay. Sucks doesn't it?<P>Your doc should not have said those things to you...professional ettiquette and all aside. Maybe she's got some issues of her own.<P>My h doesn't know I got tested, he had just had the six monthly review, told me it was fine, but didn't show me any papers...hence I had to find out for myself.<P>Now he's doing it again with a slut, so he is putting himself up for more...hasn't had sex with me, though.

I agree, your doctor shouldn't have said that to you.<P>I have had the same kind of feed back from the community in general. People; friends, family, etc., do not understand why a BS would take a WS back PERIOD! You get the "Kick them to the curb and move on" type of attitude.<P>Altho, I do know my situation is quite severe (rare), I have had people who know me (but not know the situation) introduced to OC (8 years old) when he is with me, they ask "Weren't you married for 15 years?", I answer YES, and then you can see the light bulb turn on and them doing the math. Ughhhh ...<P>What I believe is most people that have the attitude of "ditch the loser" have luckily never experienced infidelity in their marriage. Until you have actually had this tremendously terrible thing invade your marriage, you don't know exactly what you would do.<P>Don't let it make you feel bad, LifeisMessy. We here all know it takes more strength and introspection to fight for your marriage and your spouse then to simply walk away.<P>Love,<BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 26, 2001).]

lifeismessy,<BR>The ob/gyn I went to for test wouldn't prescribe sleeping aids or anti-deps either. Maybe it isn't in their job description. He did say I could use Benedryl to sleep. Ugh. Just what I needed at that point--feeling dehydrated & dopey on top of everything else.<P>Perhaps you could write the doc a note that you felt her sharing her negative opinion about reconciliation after infidelity was inappropriate as you are working with Marriagebuilders and/or any counselor you may have consulted. What she said to you, said to someone who was ready to give up without trying, might prevent them from ever making the effort to get to the point of reconciliation.<P>"no man is worth it". Well, since the stats are something like 70% of marriages have infidelity at some point, the odds aren't great with anyone, now are they? You at least know the problems/weaknesses with your H, with a new guy you don't know what's in his baggage for quite some time...<P>Like Nina & Jo say, either the doc has issues of her own, or she doesn't have enough experience or knowledge to know that even after infidelity some marriages are better saved than discarded. <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8