After 3 weeks hard work with no LB this morning i lost it, stupid woman that i am.<BR>Last nights story about getting lorry part was rubbish as i knew it was H spent the night with OW and most of this week as well, i said in yesterdays post he could not look me in the eye and now i know why.<BR>And this morning i took snacks to his yard for him but he wasent there, someone said he came in an hour ago and has gone again (talk about getting dropped in it)anyway i rang him and he was getting part so i waited for him and when he got back i told him i knew he had not stayed ther last night and thought he was with her most of the week, he admitted her children had gone away for a few days and he had stayed there.<BR>How nice in her H bed how can they do that, i know she is divorcing her H but ugh that stinks.<BR>Anyway i just LB real bad and tried to get through to him and make him see what he is throwing away.<BR>Stupid BS that i am i asked if he meant the i miss u text he sent the other day when he said yes i asked how he could miss me when he had her!!<BR>Im just hurting so bad at what hes doing and the pain comes more when i know he cant even see why im upset according to him im giving emotional blackmail and cant understand that to spend the night lying awake knowing hes in bed with her should have an effect on me.<BR>He even wanted to have sex with me this morning!!<BR>Before i left i said sorry for having a go and i would shut up again, we are going out tonight and im gonna dress to the nines and i know he will end up staying the night and im gonna plan A my butt off do you think thats the right thing to do i just love him so much im scared im losing him.<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Hi Lizzle,<P>I have read your post and want to share with you some special thoughts given to me by some good people here. I share this thread often and it is called the 5 stages of grieving. <P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html</A> <P>In this thread you will see where you are at and where you need to go. Getting to the acceptance stage is a long road but can be broken up in pieces to make your journey tolerable. A few steps forward and back. That is what normally happens which is why this healing proces takes so long. <P>Do you have a right to be angry? Yes. Now what you do with that anger will determine your next step. Then how you show your anger to your H 'may' have an impact on how he reacts. Think carefully about this Lizzle. Your H is not really thinking about you and your interests right now. No matter how well you present yourself at this moment, his concentration is elsewhere. <P>The task is to recognize how to get his attention and direct the 'reasoning side of his personality' back to you. His emotional side right now is all messed up. Does his conscience bother him that he is doing all this? Probably. The WS are not without feeling just not keen to care about the BS at the moment. Whether it is due to guilt, low self esteem, anger, revenge, whatever, the WS are not going to reason in the favor or benefit of their families at during this time. <P>That is where the Harley's plan of plan A and plan B come into play. Once you understand the concept or purpose of these plans, know the sometimes unreasoning thought patterns of the WS and have learned that you can not put a square peg in a round hole to seal a marriage, then you may be able to move forward. This means a lot of work on the part of the BS. You have our support here to get through this. We are all in many stages of this awful journey. Our individual tolerance level and situations may vary but the general path and goal is the same. How to help our WS align themselves with that goal is our personal challenge. <P>Now step back and breathe a bit. Gather your thoughts, cry is you need to. Vent here. Read when you can. Post questions as you have been. <P>If you do go out on your date tonight, enjoy it. Try your best to have a good time. Don't bring up what is bothering you, it will be hard but you need to have a bit of fun. It is important to your soul. <P>I see your other post and will respond there also. <P>Take care,<BR>L. <P>

Hi Orchard thankyou for responding to both my posts, i have calmed down a bit now and all you have said makes sense i guess after 14 months im just impatiant with him and feel that should be long enough to choose, but after some people on here have waited so much longer i guess its not that long.<BR>Im just getting ready to go out im gonna make the most of it and if he wants to stay the night im gonna make the most of that, but i wont ask him to come home i will just carry on with plan A and try to make him see what he will be giving up.<BR>Thankyou again if not for MB i dont know what i would do<BR>yes i do probably make a huge mistake.<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else

Hi Lizzle,<P>Ok glad to hear you are in better control of yourself. I'll wait to hear from you later. Have a nice evening. <P>L.