Ok some of you know me, as I only post when i really think I have too. I know read most of your threads and feel for everyone here. My story starts in 5/2000 with d-day in 1/2001, we are in therapy and counseling. I have planned A even too much. Iam at home with ws and have lived the roller coaster ride almost daily.<BR> Going into my 16 month of hanging in there. I see my ws at the point where she believes I think she is totally committed to the marriage and that the relationship with the Om has ended.<BR> However reality is that she has been waffling now for about 2 months. "that isnt going to work, but this isnt much better" "its not about him" " I cant make you happy" All the classic lines. She is at the point where she ends it, then prays that she'll see him or talk to him. Then her wish's come true and she's off and running again. this has happened about three times in the past month 1/2. Now it sounds like there in contact again. I know Im more fortunate to have her still at home however i do endure more pain then if she was on her own. She never wanted to leave probably because the Om never wanted to leave his wife.<BR> My question to both BS and Ws is what do I do. More Plan A, I feel like that goes know where, she even uses it against me at times. Plan B is not an option because she will not leave and I definetely will not leave my kids and home. I cant continue to live like this much longer and though it seems like it is winding down somehow it always grows a life of its own again. I keep seeing the last rung on the ladder but never really grab it. Is there anything I can say or do. If its time I dont no how much longer I can wait this out.<BR> I do know that Iam going to heaven when I die because I Lived in hell when I was alive.<BR> Thanks all and I wish you all luck on both sides of the fence because I know its not easy!!!!!

Will12-<BR>They are still crazy at this point. It has nothing to do with you. I am the BS and have dealt with the rejection and humiliation also. They still don't know what they are doing at this point. Hang on a little longer. God bless you for trying. We are here for you and there are quite a few success stories out there. Keep trying to improve yourself (even if you don't think you need improving - not that I'm saying you need improving - heck, I don't even know you) but I think you know that there is something in the relationship that can be salvaged and love can return. Please don't give up yet. I would love to see you as the male lostva. <P>You ARE worth loving, you ARE worth holding, you ARE a very special person. Your WS hopefully will understand that someday!<BR>

I know its hard to hang in there when they waffle so much and here you are trying everything to re-engage them in the marriage. My H waffled for 4 mo saying he didnt have feelings for me, wasnt in love with me, our marriage was hopeless and counseling couldnt help it-and even filed for D on me before coming to his senses. I have heard from others that 4 mo of waffling is a common amount of time before they wake up to reality. I know how hard it is to be patient. Believe me that has never been one of my strong points. I feel that God was teaching me how to be patient thru my marital ordeal. We are now in recovery and have been in therapy for several months- things are going MUCH better. Take care- lifeismessy

Thanks guys, Im feeling like I really need to take some action tonite. They were in contact again today, even came acrooss a I Love u. Summer vacation's for both of them was good i guess the seperation and being with family slowed everything down. I thought for sure it was nearing the end and then this, back to the daily grind. I'm ready to pack it in again, i know I have been here many times before. I want to call the OM wife. I pick up the phone and put it down. I feel like my wife will never have the will power to end this and the OM is married not looking to leave his wife, and why not he gets mine whenever he feels she need. So here Iam very distraught and looking to make a move.

Any thoughts? Today is much of the same she is friendly like all is well. However they are still in contact. I havent said anything about it although the other day I did mention she must be having a hard time with withdrawl's because we are not going anywhere. A big LB I know but sometimes after 15 months of living like this you have to say something, i guess im just looking to jump start this because i have had enough.