I need some encouragement please. WH is staying at a friend’s house (the spouse of our accountant). H and I get along great. We are committed to working this situation out. He hasn’t seen OW in about 1 1/2months. I don’t really think he cares to either. I’ve been in Plan A since I discovered this site about 2 months ago. Rarely any LBs. <P>This is my problem… …While working Plan A, I’ve been avoiding having LBs done by others toward my H or having him get mad at me(kind of like a preventive maintenance). Last month, we signed on to this debt management program with our accountant. In the contract it said that we are not allowed to make any promises to and creditors. Well, H was against this because he didn’t want anyone to know about our financial situation. Our accountant has called our house several times to discuss our bills and I tell them to not talk to my H about it (I’ve always been the one to take care of our finances and if someone would talk about how bad we are he would yell at me.) So I tried the preventive maintenance route to avoid him being mad at me. <P>Now my accountant thinks I’m keeping secrets from my H. Over the weekend, H and I met with the accountant, while I was there I made the comment that I didn’t pay many bills in August because of going on the program. From that comment the accountant got the idea that I took all of the $ and used it for a retainer for an attorney to file for divorce.<P>Here I am. I have been on this roller-coaster ride for a year now with a lot of improvement and these @$$holes are shooting all of my progress down. My H is getting mad at them, because they are attacking me, but I know he probably has doubts. He asked me last night, if I have ever been tempted by another man. We can’t get out of the contract for six months and they have helped some already with bills.<P>H knows that I am 100% loyal to him. He has always come first in my life. I would go to the store to get something or whatever…I would buy for him sooner than I would myself. All through our marriage I’ve waited on him “hand and foot”. I’m the one who begged and pleaded for him to not leave me. I’m the one who cried my eyes out non-stop for six months.<P>It just really upsets me that H’s friends would have so much doubt and distrust in me.<BR>Please give me some encouragement…<BR>

My personal opinion: screw what anybody else thinks. Have you been completely honest with your H? If so, that's all that matters. My H has said things about our neighbors, friends, family, etc. When it comes down to it, the only opinions that should matter are yours and your H's. As to the question from your H about being interested in other guys, I feel that's his guilt. My H says the same thing. I just tell him "If I were, do you think I would be sitting here going through all this pain to recover our marriage?" Once my H asked me "a hypothetical question. What if I were to go and live with OW just to prove to myself that my reasons for not being able to have a future with her were true. Would you find someone else while I was gone?" What kind of question is that? I told him that I would NEVER want to further complicate our situation by bringing someone else into it. I said I had, have and would want only him until such day as it was decided that our marriage was over. These guys CRACK me up sometimes. Well, I don't know if that helped, but I wanted you to know that I've been there too.

Hi,<P>In a similar situation about the creditor thing. H's credit is ruining mine (lovely state of let's share the debit). Anyway, you need to be honest with your H. He knows you are paying the bills? Show him so that when the charges are being made he can refute them for you. Yes, it will anger him but credit reports are available to everyone nowdays. It is only a matter of time before others will know anyway (I mean accoutants, other businesses, creditors, etc.). <P>You 2 can take a united front on this. If dealing with it is hard for your H, tell him you understand and share the responsibility. For example, you can take the collecting and disbursing of payment part with the agency and he can inform the accountant of your efforts. Let him have a share in the program. JMHO, it might help.<P>L. <BR>

Call me ignorant but what is JMHO? I have been open and honest with him. He is defending me to them. but the thought of them thinking I'm looking for a divorce after all that we've been through is ridiculious and it hurts.<P>I'm afraid that H will start to doubt me or question my actions. <P>Thanks for replying O. and MoM. <P>I have considered having a meeting with the head accountant and H's friends to get this all out in the open, but I'm afraid that will be a LB. I have typed up all of the expences for that time period, I was going to print it out and give it to H, tonight, so that when he goes to his friends house for the night he can show them. Do you think that is a good idea or not ?

I think JMHO is Just My Humble Opinion.