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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 46
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 46 |
Ever since I confronted H about his online affairs w/ various OW all I have wanted is to have some affection thrown my way. Well we are working on things. He has deleted our ICQ hasn't been to a porno site as far as I can telletc. Now that things are improving I am starting to realize, I don't have any feelings for him anymore. He tells me he loves me and I don't answer him. My heart just isn't in it anymore. I feel very shallow and such a hypoctite because this is what I wanted and now I have it and don't want it. We are good friends but right now that's all I feel towards him. Where do I go from here.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 242
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 242 |
I've been there too. I've felt totally drained of my "love bank" that I thought I was falling out of love with my H after struggling so hard to get here. I found that the best remedy for me was to go out on a date w/o any distractions such as a T.V. or a movie theater or music from a car radio. H and I sat along a creek and talked for several hours. It filled up my ENs to keep going.<P>Hang in there...
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 972
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 972 |
I agree with M&J...after all I had been through...it was almost as if I hated my WH...but finally I told him how I was feeling (coming to the end of my rope with him) and he responded with the first positive attempts to reconnect with me by asking me what I needed for him to do....since then we have been steadly reconnecting...but it's not easy...and it's not fast....spending time together absent other distractions is so important that you have to stress that. It just takes more time for our hearts to heal then it does our heads.<P>Faye
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,394
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,394 |
I understand your feelings. I went through similar ones. H and I have been in recovery for 3 months now, and although it's not as intense as it was at first, those feelings of 'why was it that i wanted him back so bad??' come back every now and then.<P>For me, what helped to ease them off some, was to talk to my H about them. He has slowly been doing more to fulfil my EN's, not because I've asked him to lately, but b/c he WANTS to. He's helping me through my slumps that way. It gives me more encouragement to do more for him. It's a great circle.<P>Give it some time, you'll get more gumption again, with your H's help. ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>Karen<BR>
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,099
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,099 |
I too know how this feels. There have been many days that I wanted to give up. Felt, if not hatred towards my W, then at least I did not like her at the moment. But that feeling does pass. Then, I look at her and think how could I not love you. If I take the time to reflect, those feelings generally do not stay around long. But making the time to reflect without letting all the hurt and anger over the A come rushing in is difficult at best sometimes. <P> And it did take the both of us to get to where we have been, just as it will take the both of us to get to where we want to go. There are a lot of speed-bumps in the road, but that only slows us down. Only we can stop us.<P> jd<P>
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 12
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 12 |
I have been there. I let my emotions turn me into a very self-destructive person. Looking back, I never would have left my husband or did some of the things I did at that point in my life. Those are regrets that I live with every single day of my life. But, I was so hurt and angry that I saw absolutely no forgiveness. I made the mistake of thinking that my intense anger meant that I didn't love him anymore. Try and give it some time. I wish I would have.
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