Better on here than to H, right? So here goes.. it's time for Karen to vent!!!<P>My son Andrew has been on my mind a lot more lately. September 11th will be the one year anniversary of his passing. I continue to relive that morning I found him everyday now. (for those who don't know, he was almost 4 yrs old and passed away in his sleep. no reason for it either. autopsy was inconclusive, and toxicology negative).<P>I was defrosting the fridge tonight (yes, we have one of those...LOL.. it cost us $75 cdn, so what the heck!). As I was ice picking away I started thinking of Andrew again. I thought about having to make those phone calls to family and friends to tell them the shocking news. <P>I only called those who I felt very close to. Some family (my sister, mum, and dad), and some close friends (like Andrew's godmother). I asked some of these people to call others for me.<P>One of the people I called personally (and I only made about 10 calls in total) was Kym. Who's she? OW#1. Was she at the time? No. Her and her H even came up to the viewing the night before the funeral (a 2 to 2 1/2 hour drive from where we live). Their dd (little brat) was friends with Andrew too.<P>I am going through some of the devastation of d-day all over again! What a TRAMP!!!! I had considered her to be a good friend. She was a confidante of mine. H and I only moved here just over 3 yrs ago, and she was one of the first friends I made here in town. And for her, of all people, to willingly dig her claws into MY man, knowing damn well what she was doing too... AUGH!!!! And then to be a typical WS and deceive her own H. What a child!<P>I want to LB right now like you wouldn't believe!!! I want to go to her house, and beat the living crap out of her!!! I want my H to tell her H that yes, it's true, they slept together... numerous times!!! I want her life to be a living hell. I want to be the one who makes it that way.<P>Am I a voilent person? No. Do I say what's on my mind? Oh yes. Far too often. That's why I'm here instead of spending the evening with H (but it's Voyager night, so he's on his own in another room anyways... lucky for him).<P>Too bad my fridge freezer isn't too big. I was REALLY enjoying hacking away at the ice. I finished the job in record time too. I wonder why??? NOT!!!!!!!<P>You know, that b!tch didn't even have the balls to admit to me that she slept with my H. She tried to tell me it was all a joke, to make me THINK they were together.. to teach me a lesson not to snoop into his email and icq. She even got her H believing her!! What an a$$!!! Yes, I confronted him on them. Of course, he stood up for his W. Telling me I need to concentrate on my own life and not butt into other peoples' lives.<P>I know they deserve each other. I know she's been miserable in her marriage for a LONG time. He appears happy, but who knows. I know they don't even sleep in the same room anymore. Sure, she says it's b/c of his snoring. Bull!! I feel so sad for them, disgusted is more like it I guess. They are putting on a farce. And yet they're still together. I feel even more sad for the next OM she sinks her claws into. I know she'll do it. My H wasn't the first. And he won't be the last.<P>God help this woman (if she even deserves to be called that) if I ever see her again. Thankfully she lives on the other side of town (our city has a pop of 326,000). I would hope that I could learn from here, and be the bigger person and just walk away. But when it comes to her, I don't know if I'll manage.<P>Sorry this is so long. But I'm feeling a bit better now. Wow. It only took me 7 minutes to type this out (with a smoke inbetween). It's amazing what we can do when we're all pumped up with adrenilyn!<P>Thanks for listening.<P>Karen<BR>

Karen,<P>My heart goes out to you. You are heading into what will probably be a VERY VERY hard anniversary and I kept thinking during your post 'she is focusing her anger towards this OW so she can avoid the horror of this anniversary.' And it is pure horror to lose a child. I know because my boy was killed October 9, 1999 [18 yr old boy killed in car accident] and the first anniversary was HARDER for me than his death because by then the daze and shock had worn off. It still doesn't seem real to me. Nor do you have the distractions of planning a funeral, feeding people, etc. I hope you feel better after getting this off your chest and will be thinking about you and little Andrew. <P>

Oh my dear Karen,<P><<<<hugs to you>>>>...<<<<hugs to your family also>>>>>><P>I know you have the right to be angry. It is ok. Find a spot to scream it out, if that helps. What that woman did or does will not touch you anymore. Step back Karen and while you are feeling this hostile, think about what good you have around you. Your family and friends. <P>Karen, you are remarkable woman. I have read your posts, what you have been through is well to put it mildly, incredible. I can not even phantom going through that myself and yet you unselfishly made yourself available for me last night. <P>Little Andrew's life and memory will always be a part of all the live's both he and your family touched. You have shared your love for him with us. That is good. Now take his love, Karen and cherish his memory. The day will be a hard one but you will replace the hurt with his happier times. <P>Your family will be in my prayers. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P>

Karen, first I'd like to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your son Andrew. I can't imagine as a parent what you have been through. You are truly a remarkable woman! I've read your posts and see that you are always willing to try and help someone else. I know you have anger towards the OW and I think that is absolutely normal considering she was suppose to be your friend and then to try to play it off like that. Oh please. I'm sorry but as a wife, a mother, a friend and a woman you just don't cross that line no exceptions! You are the bigger person. I hope it helps to know that you and your family are in my prayers. Next time you decide to defrost your freezer maybe you can pretend it's her face I'm sure you'll have that defrosted in record time. he he!! Take care and god bless.<BR>cybil

Thank you ladies, for your replies. I'm feeling much better now. Typing all of that out really helped me.<P>Before I saw any of your responses, H had come back upstairs after his tv shows were over. He knew something was wrong, and asked me to talk about it with him. I didn't want to, b/c my feelings towards Kym are feelings that "I" have to deal with, and the last time she came up in a talk, he explained to me that me talking about her and their A feels like physical blows to him. But he insisted, so outside we went and had a chat.<P>I told him what I had written here. He did a pretty good job at listening, and even answered some questions I had for him. I asked him what his feelings towards her are now. "Mostly pity". That's good to hear. Then I asked what the other feelings were. This is great news.. he is actually feeling some anger towards her! He admitted that he wasn't in the greatest frame of mind. All he wanted from her was a friend to listen to his rantings and ravings. He didn't want what he got. He's angry at her for taking advantage of his vulnerability. He totally understands that he had the power to stop it as well, but so did she.<P>I reminded him that I have forgiven him for his actions during that time. But that I cannot find it in myself to forgive her.<P>Dana: it is quite possible that I am focusing my anger towards her right now. However, that anger has been there ever since I found out about them. Only now is it more closely related to Andrew. It's amazing what our triggers can be. For me now, it'll be defrosting the fridge! Oh well, if it's that much of a problem, I'll ask H to do it next time (hehehe).<P>I am so sorry to hear about your son. There are a few of us on here that have recently had the loss of a child as well. I have heard (from a bereaved parents support group I joined) that the first 2 or 3 yrs are the hardest, but the pain eases more after that. I'm somewhat jealous that you know why your son is gone. We have no idea with Andrew. So we have no closure. Which brings me back to your point of focusing anger on Kym. You are probably right... b/c there isn't anything else I have to do that with.<P>Orchid: Thank you. You amaze me too. What with all you've gone through, and you're still here being strong for others. It really is an important step in our healing, isn't it?<P>Cybil: Hmmm... her face, eh? Nah. I'd have some sort of subconscious feeling that anything I put in the freezer will become tainted or something. LOL. <P><BR>Karen<BR>