I am having a HARD time trying to understand how my H could introduce our 3 kids to OW during his A. Around Christmas time last year he said I could have the afternoon off after church ( I am a SAHM so would love any free time to myself) and he took our kids ages 13, 9 and 3 over to OW's condo to bake cookies. Since she had 'befriended' me for a year to throw me off track that she was in an intense EA/PA with my H, she sent home lots of cookies and a huge extra bag of flour that she had left over. I remember telling H isn't she so generous!!! I didnt find out until Valentines day that they were actually in an A together.That was the day I confronted H and he finally confessed. She had done other favors for me before then too so I really never suspected that she was anything but friendly.I can't believe I could have been so stupid. After OW met our kids she told H she would love to be their stepmom- she is single and in her mid-thirties never been married or had kids - a very aggressive career type woman. She had stopped by to see our brand new house one time- I gave her a tour of it and later on she told H she wanted that too.She told H that once I found out about the A I would just keep him around for his $$ and the house, and then eventually I would toss him out. I really don't think H has a good understanding about how much this part of his A has hurt me. Since we are now in counseling how can I explain it to him so that he can understand? I did mention it before but he said since his A was still EA at the time he took the kids to her place ( you know- the 'we were just close friends' speech!) why should I have been upset? lifeismessy

hi lifeismessy,<P>I guess you know my story from the D/D forum, but in case you missed it...<P>My h took the kids out for the longest time ever on Sunday. Turns out he and the kids spent the day with OW, her playing mummy to my babies. <P>This prompted me to say enough is enough... and I'm going back to Australia next Thursday. Partly because I don't want this to happen again. She WILL not try to take my kids affections as well as my H....she can't have everything.<P>Makes you sick, doesn't it???

Oh yeah, does this question ever strike a chord (and not a pleasant one at that). My wife had the kids around the OM all of the time. She even let him watch the kids if she needed to go to a meeting in town for an hour or so. They played with his N64 system (dad was the bad guy for not getting one at home). She tells me OM was so good with our kids and really cared about them and would never do anything to hurt them.<P>She also invited him over to our home to have Thanksgiving dinner with our family and friends and she had us go to an event on Christmas day that OM happened to be attending also. I don't need to go on though, there were numerous times that she brought our kids around OM and she didn't think nor does she still think that it was any big deal.<BR>SG

Interesting question because that was what caused my first suspicions. My H took my then 9 year old daughter to the drive-in movies. The next day she told me she was afraid at the drive-in. When I asked her why she said Daddy left me alone in the car while he went to sit with <OW>. I called H at work and asked why he did that. He said he went to talk to her son who he had not seen in a while. This son was news to me, being that I never knew she had a son. After his suspected affair came to light in June this year, I asked my daughter about when her and her dad were at the drive-in and he left her alone in the car. I said who was with <OW>, her answer as expected, "no one, only daddy but it was ok because she was parked next to us". Tell me please what a 49 year old woman was doing alone at a Disney movie...things that make you go hmm<P>~TD~

During the A, no. But OW#1 had been a friend of mine for over 2 yrs prior to the A with my H, so she had met my two oldest.<P>Their EA started near the end of my pregnancy with the twins. If she saw them, it would have only been in pictures that H showed her.<P>She ALMOST spent a day with her dd and my 2 yr old with H at a local children's museum, but thankfully plans fell through. I couldn't believe that H would have her around Eric at that time! Even though it never happened, it sure boils my blood to think about it. ARRRGGHHH!!<P>Karen<BR>

Oh yeah, doesn't that just set you off? <P>I posted a question like this about a month ago and was all set to confront my W about it, during an otherwise decent plan A. But I waited a couple days for my next session with Steve. He pointed out that if the confrontation doesn't actually change or limit her behavior (I didn't think it would), then she might ask our kids to explicitly hide things from me. Which I don't think she has done yet and I sure don't want my kids going down that road. (This incident just popped out by accident when my 10 yo son was talking to someone else, the minister's wife. He didn't realize what it meant.) So I let it go. More water under the bridge.<P>I think this matter of meeting each other's kids is part of the fog. She'll tell him "you're such a good and sensitive man," and so on. Letting him meet our kids is an attempt to prove or justify that, and vice versa, she's met his kids. As if their relationship was normal and good.<P>- Tom

My husband has done this continuously with his lover over the last 5 months. He flies with an airline and she is his little "stewardess" . Anyway, he has to fly her to KC and then drive 1 /12 hours to come to where we live. He has brought her here all summer long. <P>When my older daughter and I were in Europe for two weeks, he picked up my little kids from our house and took them swimming with her at the Holiday Inn. He took them in their room. The next day, he took them out on OUR boat water skiing, tubing etc, etc. He also tried to bring her to Washington DC to meet my oldest daughter at an FFA convention. Two weeks ago, he again brought her to Warrensburg to try to get them out on the boat again. This time I met the B****.<P>On Monday, after promising not to bring her here again, he flew into KC with her and brought her to Avila College to see my daughter play soccer. He pulled up behind her car as she was getting ready to drive home. He wanted Meg to go out to dinner with them. He said that eventually, she would have to deal with Leslie. He also told her that she wasn't as awful as Meg had said earlier. "Isn't she pretty, Meg" What a nightmare.<P>I think their common sense just flies out the window. He wrote me an email that said "Let me give you an intelligent answer for what happened the other night." Then he proceeded to blame me for bringing her to Meg's game. <P>I know my H is thinking with other parts of his body than his head. He has hurt the kids so bad...and me also...and he doesn't care. I am starting to realize that he is no big loss.