Not a repeat????? Is she or isn't she? Oh, I hate this. OW thinks she is pregnant again? Man, this 45 year old woman needs to be one for the books? Arrrrgh...... H just spilled the beans. I want to kick him out. Tried that he is scared. I said this is the last straw. I physically can not handle OW. <P>H says he regrets ever meeting her and told her so. But the dummy gave her his new work cell #. Arrggh...... I was angry. So angry that I smashed his cell phone, the old one almost broke the new one also. He was angry that he now has to pay $200.00 I said, I will pay it. H said not to take it out on the phone but on him. Well, he decided to put his face between me and the phone, he got a nick on his face with 7 stitches. It was an accident, he was trying to save his phone. I did not mean to hit him. I told him I would call the police and turn myself in. He said no. Then she calls on the other one....... HOw much more.... this is so dumb. NOw he is scared for several reasons, my health which seems to be getting worse and the fact that OW may be pulling his leg again and being the best con artist he has ever seen. He thinks she is lying to him and he wants a 'good reason' to leave her. I have plenty, but it appears they are not enough. <P>He says his mind knows, what to do. His heart is divided. He wants to stay but feels her tug. YUCK...... Now she claiming being pregnant. Remember the other 2 claims were miscarried and without proof, so I really don't know if she really was pregnant. Is this woman a rabbit or what? <P>I want this stuff over. His things are in the garage. I told him to get his stuff out. He won't budge. He says I am out of control, well OW is making me sick, sick, sick..... He keeps trying to hug me and hold me, yet it is of no real comfort because I keep thinking he is going to end up with her. <P>I have been crying for days. My sleep is intermitent and have no appetite. It is the horrors of d/d all over again but worse. <P>H went to the clinic for stitches, told them it was an accident, his face got in the way of what was in my hand. That is correct. Still sounds fishy though. The gash was about 1 inch long and he got 7 stitches. H still wants to stay. I am so tired. <P>Yesterday, I actually passed out. Fortunately, I got a call from here, concentrating on being on the phone helped a lot. I would like to thank the caller (you know who you are ). I am not sure what will happen this week. Too much drama here. Give the oscar to OW, I concede. Stop this soap opera. I want to go back to my real life. This is ridiculous. <P>L. <BR>

Orchid, what a mess! good grief! How much can we take? Only God knows, but sometimes we even wonder.....<P>I'm sorry! <P>Stay tough. Bear this load. You can do it. <P>I sure don't have any wonderful magical advice, but wanted to give you a hug! ((((((orchid)))))) <P> thank you for you wonderful words on my post. You are a true blessing to everyone here.... for going through your mine field and still thinking of others and lifting them up.

Orchid<BR>I have not been very good about answering people's posts on this website but I feel compelled to answer yours. <BR>Can you not do anything to change your living situation? I'm sorry I'm not up to date with your posts but judging from what I have read I wonder if it's time you physically separated yourself from him and got on with your life? <BR>It might be what he needs to wake him up once and for all.

Oh L,<P>I am so sorry you are going though this. You must not have hit him hard enough to shake some sense into him. <P>Is the man an idiot? All he has to do is demand proof from a MD of her supposed PG and even a paternaty test before he will have anything to do with her. But that would be too easy huh, and may make her upset. What does she get PG every time they do it? How many times can she pull this rabbit out of the hat? How many times can he fall for it?<P>Please take care of yourself. Distace yourself from him however you need to, can you take a trip? Do you have some family you can go to? Dont let this stress harm you any more. You are such a special person. We apreciate your warmth and good heart here.<BR>Lora

Thanks for your replies. It just gets worse. I just received a phone call from OW. She was yelling on the phone about filing domestic violence charges and harrassment charges against me. <P>Yep, Ws called her to say there was an accident (he did not tell her I did anything) and said he had stitches. H is at work and called her on his new cell phone. She called me and yelled at me calling me a "B**ch". <P>I called the police and they came out to take a report. If she keeps calling back, I can have a restraining order filed against her. This is the 3rd time she has called me a "B". I called H back shivering. He called her and told her off (that is what he told me). <P>The police just left. They said, H needs to fix this or get out. <P>I am trying to settle down now, still shaking a bit. The officer was nice but firm. He was doing his job. I understand. <P>This is starting off bad....... <P>L.

Hi Orchid:<P>I wish I could give you some encouraging word here but there are none...all the reactions you are having I've had...except for WH OW has never claimed to be pregnant...she's fixed (Thank God)..although she has talked about getting it reversed so that she could have WH's child.<BR>Now this lady is 48 years old...a little long in the tooth for childbirth...so I know she's not serious.<P>My question is...where is your WH's mind in all this...the 3rd pregnancy scare...isn't he using protection...or is he just out of his mind....the second option seems the most likely to me.<P>I tend to believe what he's saying about wanting to find a reason to break up with her...my WH says similar things...but it fairly shouts out to me that if he really wanted to end it all he has to do is stop having anything to do with her....but he doesn't (The Cell Phone #)...and like my WH continues to complicate his life with the likes of OW. The lure that these OW have over WH is great enough that they will continue even if they are enduring great discomfort themselve by doing so. My WH says he's weak...can't break her spell over him.<P>Well, you have a problem if he won't leave...and I think this is the best solution until he is through with her...because it will be less wear and tear on you...perhaps you can approach it from that point of view...that this whole situation is seriously affecting your health and you need to be separated from him (and OW's intervention) until he can make a decision. I don't really see how he can turn a deaf ear to this plea....because it definitely is true.<P>I tend to think that in this case you WH is using you as a protection against OW...he is drawn to her but doesn't want to be...and you are serving as a reason why he cannot commit to her...and he truly doesn't want to commit to her.<BR>But this is his problem...he created it...he will have to be the one to get himself out...you are not his protector or recuser...and you need to take care of yourself.<P>Please don't worry about him...he will be alright and I think it is apparent that he has no long term plans for OW...you are the one who needs the care right now...Please take care of yourself by doing what is necessary to do so.<P>You can't do this for him...set him free to do what he needs to do.<P>Faye<P>

{{{{Orchid}}}}<P>I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this! Forgive me if I am butting in here, but fence-sitting WSs really upset me for the false hope they give BSs and the pain they cause when the jerk it back. When the emotional and physical toll it takes becomes more than you can tolerate, you have to back away. Fog or no fog, they are so cruel. At some point they have to be made accountable for their disrespectful behavior and left to make their own way out of the mess they have made. The tragedy is that they take innocent people down with them. IMHO, he doesn't deserve you. And, boy, is he letting OW manipulate him. It's pathetic. Take care of yourself. He is destroying himself; you can't let him destroy you.

Buffy,<P>Oh, you are here for me again..... thank you, thank you....<P>You are right. H just got off the phone with he and I said, she must be out of my life. Like I have been saying all along. See OW threatened to call the police but H said, no it was an accident. She called here anyway. I guess, she will be trying to do more damage now. I am not sure. It truly was an accident. I did meant to break the phone but only the phone. Of which I am fully prepared to pay for. Breaking the phone is not a good thing but I saw it as the tool they used to contact each other. <P>H knows she must be out of my life. He does know. He said that means no more OW. I am not convinced but will see. OW said, why is H protecting me. He said he was not protecting me it was a accident. He said something about it being his business. <P>What this means, I am not sure. I have to go to work tomorrow regardless of what it is like here. <P>Thanks for your support, it is greatly appreciated. <P>L. <BR>

Estes, <P>Thank you. Yes, H is on the fence. Maybe it is now was. Waiting to see that. Why do I hang onto him? You must all think I am loosing it. Not sure why. Not sure anymore. <P>He says he cares and loves his family, but now is a big test. HOw it will turn out is difficult to tell. I am getting very very tired of this drama. <P>I was wrong and do admit to breaking the cell phone. But it got so bad that it was better for me to break the phone than hurt myself or anyone else. I am also truly sorry that H had to get stitches. H said it was a dumb thing to call OW but she asked about the other cell and he told her more than he should have. <P>Just another hurdle to deal with. <P>Thanks for your support. It is nice to have an understanding ear. <P>L. <BR>

Orchid,<P>It is time for both of us to look at our situations and figure out if it is worth it. For months there has been no positive change...at least not anything that lasts very long. <P>I decided this weekend to start living for myself and my kids. Jim has made his choices, and I can't live with them anymore. It is hard. Do I miss him....sure. <P>I took the kids camping with some friends down at a lake about 2 hours from our home. It was fun...and good to see the kids relaxing and doing what they should be doing...playing. It was a little lonely, but hopefully it will get easier as time goes by. There was no fighting this weekend, no one saying disrespectful things, no one trying to manipulate situations. What a nice relief. <P>I hope you can find the time to step away for a weekend or more. It will really help you to center yourself again. It will help you to figure out what is important in your life. Sometimes it is too hard when you are to close to the nightmare. Take a little time for your and your kids. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.<P>PS..My hubby is still being a real pain in the a**. But I am so much calmer coming back from this camping trip--I feel like I can handle everything. I hope I can keep this up all week. Take Care Pat

OMG, what a hold this woman thinks she has on your WH...actually questioning why he was protecting you in deference to Her...what????....she has no standing in this incidence...she wasn't even there...what gives her the idea she can file charges on your WH's behalf. It's almost as if she considers herself the wife.<P>Well, at least he's talking the talk now...and it's worth it (if you feel like you can) to hang in there with him if he seems willing to end it now...but don't take any waivering...he may backdown if he tries to end it face to face...be prepared for that.<P>Let me give you a scenario that will make you understand. WH comes home, says he's tired of OW, wants to break up with her, decides to go away with me for weekend...we go..have a good time...on Monday he has court scheduled...asked me to go with him...he's afraid she'll show up...we go to court...after court we're walking out of courthouse...and there she is....she begs him to come have coffee with her...on the side he assures me he will end it but he owes her this final talk...they go to have coffee...he never shows up for work...gone for 2 days...no word...they are off again. He was sincere...he just couldn't do it...see. Be prepared and have your expectations low. He may surprise us all though and go through with it...let's hope so.<P><BR>Faye<P>

Oh Orchid, I am SO sorry for you. You need to take care of #1 which is YOURSELF. If you don't have your health, you have not much to work on other things with. You can't fight(repel offenses) or reconcile when you are physically not strong and the emotional part is already in constant turmoil. I will be praying for you.<BR> Sounds like you WH needs to be forced to get out and go on his own. I don't know anything about separations and if the one spouse has to pay the other living expenses or anything, but it sounds like he needs a taste of the real world and not be able to have his cake and eat it too.<BR> You sound like a saint to me. Thank you so much for talking to me. I wish I could be of more help.<BR>Mikkey<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lora:<BR><B>Please take care of yourself. Distace yourself from him however you need to, can you take a trip? Do you have some family you can go to? Dont let this stress harm you any more. You are such a special person. We apreciate your warmth and good heart here.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I think that Lora (and others) said it very well.<P>You are to the point where this is affecting your health and you are passing out, and your H still has to have little talks with the psycho OW?<P>I think that you should tell your H that you love him, but can't take any more. After you recuperate some, if he is ready to do recovery right, with <B>no contact</B>, maybe you'll try one more time.<P>At least it seems to me that that is what you should tell him.<P>{{{Orchid}}}, hang on and take care of yourself.<P>Steve<BR>

Sheesh Orchid...This seems unbelievable...I hope that you are taking care of yourself...<P>You know me...I'd do something crazy like give her a prescription for birth control or give him a box of condoms...that and a great big sucker...<P>Also, I would NOT give her points for creativity...how many times does she think she is going to get away with the same storyline? Even soap operas change up now and again...<P>I agree w/ Lora and StillHers...YOU NEED TO GET AWAY...take yourself to a nice hotel w/ some amenities and pamper yourself...even my working weekend last week did wonders for me...AND DON'T CONTACT HIM! Mthrrhbard has recommended this strategy as a way to get perspective...<P>Take care,<P>Cali

Orchid,<BR> I don't think you are losing it...it's the phase of going through all that pain...it is hard to think straight. I know because I was feeling the same anger towards my H a few days ago...I wanted to destroy everything that is important to him...and of course, the cellphone too. That's where the OW calls him. I don't think they can ever see what we are going through because all they can see is what is good for them not what is good for us. It's just selfishness on their part. I told my H to move out. It's for the best. I can't stand seeing him and wondering what he is doing/hiding from me. Sort of like a break from what his actions are doing to me. But I want to tell you, I am a bit envious that your H comforts you and defends you. My H defends the OW and doubts me more. I think I've proven my love for him so much more than the OW but he can't see her doing anything wrong which angers me more. I'm beginning to think he truly doesn't deserve me nor our kids. This whole thing is crazy!!! <BR> Hang in there...this site has truly been a great help and support. I have been a bit calmer since going to this site.

MiserynMissouri,<BR> Just wanted to let you know that your camping trip and time you spent for yourself, served as an inspiration for me to do the same. I should focus more on myself and my kids and think less of our situation. "Come what May"...worrying about this whole thing is really gradually killing me. So I need to do the same and have more fun and worry less about H.<BR>I commend you for doing that!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B> .... He thinks she is lying to him and he wants a 'good reason' to leave her. I have plenty, but it appears they are not enough.... <P>He says his mind knows, what to do. His heart is divided. He wants to stay but feels her tug. YUCK...... <P>Still sounds fishy though. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dear Orchid,<P>First of all, consider yourself hugged. All this drama and what for? All because your husband is in love with 2 women and one he keeps mainly out of guilt(?) and the other one WHO KNOWS why he keeps her????????? But what is very fishy to me is that he is in such close contact with her. She seems to know his every move. He can't possibly be telling you the whole truth about his conversations with her and his supposed lack of interest... He must think you are a complete fool. I know you are not.<P>He knows you love him and he seems to take advantage of knowing that, which is extremely ungrateful of him...<P>I'm sorry this is happening to you. You and your son might have to just make a move, chickie... Leave him, OW, the bills and problems he created for himself far behind. Are you up to all that???? I know, it's scary, but you are worth so much more than to be treated like this. Your son too. He's learning how to treat women by watching his father. Not a healthy situation for a little man...<P>Oh well, you have to do what you know to be right for you, but just my gut feelings--woman to woman and Plan A aside. This is just blatant disregard for all your efforts. Not even fogese, just outright 2-timing and lies! <P>I don't know what I would do if in your situation, so I might not be the best one to listen to. It's tough when you love someone, but when they are sick, there must be something sick about us to remain in a sick situation. And you gotta admit, this emotional abuse is definitely unhealthy for you! Didn't you say you are a lady boss with a staff to manage at work???????? YIKES!<P>*sigh* I feel like I have said too much and way too opinionated but something about this won't let me ease up...(?) Sounds very disturbing how he immediately called OW to tell her what happened to him with you. Something tells me you already know these things.<P>Please take care of yourself as you have been doing this far. Do what you can do, and if you have reached the end of yourself, then that's fine too--hand it all over to God and let Him take over. HE can handle us better than we can! Especially when we feel so weak and powerless. He's with you & so are my prayers.

Orchid,<P><BR>Take care of yourself. You need to do it for you and your son. <P>Now you know that I believe in hanging in there for the long haul. I haven't been reading here very much lately but it seems that when I do, you are always on the edge, telling H that OW has to be out of you life, etc. i know you have tried going to Plan B on several occasions.<P>But honey, what you are doing now is not working, you are hurting yourself and your son.<P>I wish you get out. <P>Please call Steve and get his take on this.<P>love, G

Orchid- how I feel for you! I too had to deal with an OW who was extremely manipulative and had her hooks sunk deep into my H's mind. ( and other parts!) Is there any way he would go to counseling by himself for a few sessions to get a grip on his thoughts? What about a phone consult with Steve for him? Our counselor saw each of us separately during this point in our situation- and he told H to get control of his thoughts because they lead to his feelings which lead to his actions.Maybe you could share that sequence with your H. like your H, mine confessed that he was caught up in a cycle he couldnt seem to get out of.( or wouldnt depending on how you look at it) The one good thing about these types of OW though is that they usually will LB alot which may end up being their undoing. Mine was so psycho that though she was a 35 yr old total career gal who had never been married or had kids she told my H she fantasized about being my kids stepmom.( My kids are 14, 9 and 4 and I"ve been a SAHM for 15 yrs to them!) No way would they ever 'take' to her!!! Heck she probably wanted half my closet space too! Anyway these situations are really MESSY, its why Jerry Springer stays on the air. If he wont move out or seek counseling and you cant leave your home, see about legal action, I know in OH where I live my attorney said he could kick my H off the couch within a few wks with some legal paperwork. When I told my H that it seemed to give him a kick in the pants that he needed. He had thought he could just sleep on our couch indefinitely, using both of us as buffers to intimacy , never committing to either of us very long as a way to avoid being truly emotionally intimate with either of us.Take care- lifeismessy

Orchid ~<P>Sweetie, I'm going to be blunt, you know how I am, and you know that I am not trying to flame you or be nasty.<P>This whole saga is NOT about the OW, as fun as it is to focus on what she is, and what she is doing.<P>THIS IS ABOUT YOU.<P>What are you so afraid of? I think its time to face your fears.<P>Remember those days on the D/D board when we were both working on our divorces?<P>What happened to that woman Orchid?<P>Are you afraid of being alone? Are you afraid that your H will reject you?<P>Remember how well you did by yourself? You faced the worst, and survived.<P>Your H is continuing to do this to you because YOU are ALLOWING him to do it.<P>Face your fears sweetie. Stop acting from a position of weakness and fear.<P>You are going around and around, <B>trying to force your H into setting boundaries for you</B>. In the meantime, you are sitting helplessly by the side, ruining your health, neglecting your son (don't tell me you are a good mom in this condition), wringing your hands, wailing poor me, my H won't draw boundaries!!!<P>We learn in Therapy 101 that the ONLY person who can take care of us and draw our boundaries is us.<P>Draw your own boundaries Orchid, stop trying to force your H into changing. FOCUS ON YOU!!!!!<P>You are very busy trying to force your H into acting like the man you want him to be, instead of accepting that he is who he is right now.<P>We teach other people how to treat us.<P>How have you taught your H and his OW to treat you?<P>You make threats, ultimatums, take stands, and JUST LIKE YOUR H - its all words and no action.<P>How long have you been doing this now...weeks upon weeks? Is it working yet?<P>The definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and each time expecting a different result.<P>Your H is doing this because he can.<P>Remember what I always say about: <B>Rock bottom occurs when the pain of staying-the-same becomes GREATER than the pain of change.</B><P>Well you sure aren't making it uncomfortable for your H are you? He sure isn't going to hit rock bottom with you protecting him!!! He's not had any real consequences for his disrespect of you, his vows, or his family. <P>THIS IS WHAT WE CALL ENABLING.<P>YOU are taking on the consequences and suffering them for him because you are afraid he'll leave you for good.<P>Orchid ~ what about this man, AS HE IS TODAY, not how he could be, or how he was, what about this man AS HE IS, do you want or need in your life?<P>Face your fears sweetie. Come here, write about them, call a friend, a therapist, a minister - SOMETHING. Do not face your fears alone, but darn it, FACE THEM.<P>You are hurting yourself and hurting your son.<P>You are NOT a victim here. You are choosing to remain in this situation and allowing the OW and your H to do this to you.<P>((((((((((((((((((Orchid)))))))))))))))))<P>I'm here today if you want to call and talk.<P>Email me at bramblerose_mb@yahoo.com<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>