Habits that will give you away<BR>I came across these potential time bombs while surfing the net. Unfortunately, I cannot remember the source in order to give credit where credit is due. Words appearing in bold were found on the net. Words not in bold are my own comments. <P>1. A sudden upturn in your demeanor or outlook on life.<BR>In its initial stages, a new romance can add unaccustomed vitality to your expressions. You may show some of your renewed sense of well being toward your spouse, thereby raising suspicion. <P>2. You're constantly late.<BR>A feature shared by all extramarital affairs is a shortage of time. Because you're forced to steal moments for your lover, there will be a sudden increase in the number of times you're late coming home for dinner, family occasions or official functions. <P>3. Your spouse notices a sudden increase or decrease in sexual interest toward them.<BR>An illicit affair is as likely to heighten as to lower your sexual interest in your spouse. All must appear normal if you want to avoid suspicion. Do not attempt new or unusual sexual positions <P>4. You start being more possessive toward your wallet, pocket calendar or briefcase.<BR>This is definitely true when it comes to my briefcase. If asked, my response will be that I caught one of the kid's in my briefcase some time ago and simply don't want them to be able to get into it again. I don't recommend keeping anything suspicious in your wallet. Names in the pocket calendar are coded even if my spouse were to snoop through it <P>5. You come home more often with alcohol on your breath.<BR>6. You start talking about getting together with old friends you haven't seen in years.<BR>7. You start shopping for new clothes.<BR>8. You start taking a renewed interest in your appearance.<BR>9. You start keeping an overnight bag in your car or office, ostensibly for a workout or a game of tennis.<BR>10. You order dishes you've never ordered before.<BR>11. You don't look at other women/men as much as you used to.<BR>12. You start working late and on holidays and weekends.<BR>13. You express opinions on subjects you never used to take an interest in.<BR>14. You take a new interest in your anticipated schedule.<BR>15. You encourage your spouse to go alone to visit parents or friends. <BR>16. You buy your spouse gifts that show a new level of taste or insight about the opposite sex.<BR>17. You make a point of keeping your car free of paraphernalia belonging to your spouse or the kids.<BR>18. You start attending extended seminars or conventions.<BR>19. You start using new words and phrases.<BR>20. At odd hours you start remembering things you forgot to do at the office.<BR>21. You suggest you open up separate checking accounts.<BR>22. You often forget to wear your wedding ring. <BR>23. You take the dog for much longer walks than you used to. <BR>24. Your spouse hears you making more phone calls late at night.<BR>25. Your spouse senses a marked change of attitude towards you on the part of your secretary, colleagues or friends.<BR>26. You suddenly take up new hobbies or friends that take you out of the house in the evenings and weekends.<BR>27. You talk about a movie that you've seen but your spouse hasn't.<BR>28. You start to insist on answering the phone.<BR>29. You call out a different name in your sleep or while making love to your spouse.<BR>30. You smell of a different soap from the brand at home and/or you smell freshly showered at 1.00am. <BR>

Ouch TNT....<P>But useful information....<P>Starpony

Too bad I didn't have this last year. I picked up on at least 10 things that he did. If I had had this list I would have found out earlier. But would things have been any different who is to say.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

One you forgot, which is under my post called "This is interesting", which my H did:<P>All of a sudden, their attitude about people who cheat changes, we shouldn't judge because we don't know their whole story.<P>A couple others:<BR>"It wasn't a dinner date - it was just a way of saying thank you for carpooling"<P>"I never lied about being married - she never asked me, so I just didn't bring it up"<P>

Yeah, like when we were sitting there watching Michael Landon's story, and my husband blamed his wife for Michael cheating..... He always used to say "You never cheat, because ......." <P>I asked him when and what and who helped him change his value system.....<P>Oh yea, I forgot.... the counselor said that no matter what no one can talk you into robbing a bank if that is not in your value system......<P> Thanks for the little vent!!!

Thank you SO much for posting this! I have spent a lot of time reviewing this list, and here is what I have come up with (in regards to my husband)<P>1. If anything, his attitude about things has gone downhill.<BR>2. It's very rare that he is late.<BR>3. He is always interested in sex...but sometimes I get the feeling that his body is with me, but his mind is a million miles away (could be work related??)<BR>4. I have total acess to his wallet, truck, papers, everything.<BR>5. Rare for him to drink at all.<BR>6. He talks about US getting together with ppl we haven't seen in years.<BR>7. What are new clothes? <BR>8. No change there.<BR>9. No overnight bag<BR>10. We rarely go out to eat.<BR>11. Yeah..he still tried to peek at other woman without looking obvious! (All men do that! So do women! )<BR>12 through 25. All No's<BR>26. Hubby used to be an avid hunter..outdoorsman...for the past 2 years he has wanted to get back into it, but we haven't had the time or the money. This year he is MAKING the time and we are finding the money. (But...we hunt together..he says that being in the woods is more fun if I am along. )<BR>27..28...29. All No's<BR>30. A few weeks ago he came home and hugged me. I noticed a different smell to him and couldn't figure out what it was. He was running around the house smelling all my cleaning products and such trying to figure out what the smell was. He was very concerned about this odor on his shirt. I think it was because I used a dryer sheet instead of the liquid softener I normally use. The smells were very close.<P>Well, there it is...looking at this list I feel foolish for wondering if hubby is having an affair..but still...that 'odd' feeling in still with me. <P>Gabbie<P>

You left out talking in sleep to other person. This happened a lot with my W.<P>Finding excuses to leave other than the ones you mentioned. She has recently wanted to do the grocery shopping by herself.<P>The one difference is that my W wants our boys to like the OM because in the back of her head she thinks she will be with him. Very sickening. I talk with our boys to let them know that the behavior is all wrong and goes against God's will.<BR>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited November 12, 1999).]

tnt --<P>YIKES! I had to laugh out loud. Only cause I think I'd cry. Too many on that list are/were dead on.<P>A great "primer" fro those out there wondering if their S is involved with somebody else.<P>-- keystone<BR>

I had a good ten on that list!!

Wow! It has been 4 months since I ofund out about the 6 affairs in the last five years of our marriage...and I never had a clue! Never!My H job requires that he stay in his shift until the patients are cleared out enough for the new MD to take over...I know I used to work ER...so I never guessed late was an issue...he also had a work out bag for when he had to do two shifts together and could get an hour off to "get his tensions" out ona tread mil...the area is too dangerous to run at night...his car has been broken into several times at the hospital...<P>but the movies...yeah...I should have guessed...he said he loved me and that meant fidelity to me...I would never..ever..so I saw him through my eyes...wow do I wish I had that list 5 years ago...my 13 year old wouldn't have learned so much.....she has the ear to the door...wanting to know everything she can...can't say I blame her...I was kind of like that as a kid..wanting to know if all was OK...but if she was younger it would have been better for all the litttle ones ....this is the worse year of my life...<P>I have lost all memory of the months of July and August and September...really! I got lost in the grocery store and parking lot...among many lost places in my life...but I am just now becoming ME again! 4 months later! I would never have guessed that it takes so long!

Add to the list:<P>1. Carries toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash at all times.<BR>2. When OP is co-worker, can't wait to get to work each day (before affair he was always late).

H and OW worked together. she brought him home often, but would drop him at the corner and never came in. <BR>he was always doing things "for her kids".<BR>if she was out sick, he would come home early.<BR>he's NEVER worn his wedding ring.<BR>he told me piles of details about how pathetic her life was...more than coworkers should know.<BR>i was SOOOOOO naive.<BR>

Right on!<BR>Lovewasblind.. Mine to .. I knew her and knew she was in a bad marriage. He joked about her phone call every afternoon from her h. It was her BOTD call. ***** out of the day! All his work related stories had her in it. How are we so blind sometimes.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

Not counting the change in values, my husband has 20 out of 30....<P>Of course, he is faithful, and always has been, right?!!!<P>Ugghh

TNT - Great list! I'd seen some of these on other sites before, but there were some I hadn't seen. I think most of them apply to my W. Number 9, the overnight bag, was one I hadn't seen. At one point last summer, my W was carrying around a whole pile of her dresses in her car trunk (in addition to the bag) ostensibly to take to the cleaners (except they never got there, even when she took other stuff. She was also for a while carrying around a box of her jewelry in the back seat, to say nothing of the two rolls of dimes in the glove compartment, which she says are for an emergency, but I'm positive she uses to phone OM with, to get a dial tone so she can use her calling card (which I also know she has, two actually). Oh yeah. R & B,<P>--Wex

My H was about at a 90% according to your list, but add change in hobbies, music, ect..... Also, being a person with accute panic/anxiety attack which kept him homebound, H was always on the go.... Hmmmm<P>cozy

Wait...I have a couple more list items:<P>1. H cares about how his breath smells. New mints, gum, etc. found around house.<P>2. H uses pre-paid calling card for the first time ever. <P>3. H loses a lot of weight and seems proud of his new body.<P>4. Old underwear is thrown away and H actually shops for new underwear all by his self.<P>5. Saddest list item is: H changes his die-hard pro-life feelings on abortion. He used to argue that NO ONE had the right to decide to abort an unborn child. That was until I became pregnant at the start of his affair. How inconvienient! H told me that if I wanted to,I could get an abortion because it was, after all, my body. CHANGE IN VALUES!!!<BR>6. Gut feeling. The biggest indicator of an affair is just feeling that it is so. <P>

I can add some stuff!<BR>1. Starts new sports and buys lots of <BR> equipment/clothes..sports that he knows<BR> are too dangerous for a mom:<BR> Sky diving<BR> Snowbording (I have two knee surgeries)<BR> <BR>2. Doesn't let you in his car! It is full<BR> Of his clothes and he never cleans it <BR> out. "You" use your car for family stuff.<P>3. He accuses YOU of betrayal! And flirting!<P>4. Add Altoids!!!!!My husband never visited <BR> our dentist for clean ups and now he is <BR> addicted to Altoids!!!!!!!!<P>5. Juvenile behavior and music interests!!!<BR> Uses more kid slang than the kids!!!!!<P>6. Knows all the new pop singers and has CD's.<P>7. Takes pictures of girls on the beach with <BR> "his" camera ..when you find the pictures <BR> They are "art".<P>8. When he loses stuff he accuses you of <BR> gettting into his "stuff"....<P>Boy have I ever been dumb!!!!!!!!<P>9. He uses the ATM way too much!<P>I am an idiot!!!!<BR><P>------------------<BR>

My husband used to laugh at his friend who was having an affair, because his friend got new underwear for the new woman. My H said the true way to tell if someone is having an affair is when he gets new underwear. My H's at the time were those holey whities. I should have guessed when he started getting fancy Old Navy boxers....

<BR> Ohhh the new underwear, hmm, yep he bought some, colored if I remember.I see the signs<BR> now that its too late! The washing of his<BR> new SUV at odd hours, The ole I need cigarettes or this or that at the store. I reckon he kept the pay phones busy, also the<BR> pager was left in his suv at night and on weekends and yes he did grab for the phone<BR> when you usually couldnt get him to answer it. He also got a little weird about the garage, thats where he hid her pictures and letters.