Hi to everyone, if you are familar with my last post,you know about the pic. I have discovered and the fact that my WH is supposed to be leaving, but has not as of yet. Can anyone tell me why they think he has not left yet, I know its not because of money,because he is staying with his mom. Could he be is scared?? I don't think our marrriage has a chance unless he leaves for a while, does anyone agree with that or do you think I am wrong to feel this way?? It is so difficult when you have so many ? in your head that you can't answer, I can't believe my life has come to this, anyone else feel this way?? As much as he has hurt me and betrayed me I still can't imagine my left without him, Am I wrong?? why is this so diffiicult??? Sally

I don't know your entire story, but i don't think you can solve anything if one party leaves the home. if you are willing to save your marriage and he is too-- i think its best for you both to be in the same home.

Hi Sad Sally,<P>I also agree with lemonpie that if the marriage is to be saved then it can be done without your husband leaving home. All the BS people feel the same way, totally betrayed but many work it out and work through it and eventually our feelings get under control. We figure out life is life. It's not fair but things happen. We have to get over our feelings. We have to look at the good points of our spouses. Yes, they committed an unforgivable offence yet we have to live with that. Getting a divorce doesn't help anything unless the guy is a real jerk, is not sorry and keeps doing it. So try to find a solution without the separation is what I would suggest.

Thanks lemonpie, Rodger, I know its better for both spouses to not seperate to make the marriage work,but truth is I don't think my WH wants to work things out he made that pretty clear. He told me he stopped seeing OW a month ago when I found out about A, and he realizes that he is not leaving me for OW, He is not in love with me anymore, after 18 years and 3 kids this is how he feels, so selfish to me!!! Also the other day I went snooping and found some awful pictures of him and her he was carrying in his briefcase. Thats why I say I need time away from him to clear my head. He needs to see what he did was wrong, I understand the we should not punish our WS but we cannot let them think that they can get off so easily for what they have done. Thanks Sally

Some of us on here (me included) feel that separation can be necessary. In my case, I don't think my WH and I would ever have started recovery if it weren't for the fact that we had been separated (in our case, it was for 4 months). <P>But every situation is unique. For us it worked, b/c he really wanted his space. He just told me last night, that he needed the realization of it all. He had thought he could easily find what we had together with other women, and that it would be easy. He found out the hard way, that he couldn't get that. <P>For me it was necessary, b/c I couldn't LB as much (although I did do some pretty major ones) if he wasn't around all the time. But I also had a great opportunity to plan A b/c we have very young children, and visitations could only be here, in our home (at the time, the oldest was almost 2yrs old, and the twins had only just been born).<P>As I said, every situation is unique. You have to do what is best for YOU. IMO, if it's stressing you out too much to have him at home, then help him to leave (in a minimal LBing way... I think it would be impossible for it to be done without some form of LBing).<P>At the same time, maybe all you need is a bit of a break from him. Is there any way you could get away from the house, even if only for a weekend? I'd try that first before deciding if you want him out.<P>Karen<BR>

Sally...<P>I can't imagine how it must feel...I only know that the pics I have in my "head: drive me crazy...<P>Actually I've been contemplating asking my H if he ever had any pics of OW...I'm sure he has/had. Probably nude etc. He asked me to pose so many times I said "no way"<P>Separation ? My H left for a few days & I couldn't stand being alone. I'm not sure if he came back because I sroked his ego or he really missed me & the kids & wanted a 2nd chance.<P>It's hard to believe a liar.<P>Let me know how you handle it...I am surely a "shipmate" on this rocky boat.

Hi Sally. I have to say that I agree with with Topie25 about the separation. My H and I have been separated for over 5mos. now. Yes it's devastating, yes it's hard but I'm doing it. We actually do more together as a family and as a couple than when he lived here. We still disagree and I LB (really trying to work on that) but him staying here was not the answer. Sometimes you need that break to put things into perspective. Had he not left we probably would have just continued on the way we were and our lives would be more miserable. Every situation is different. cybil