I guess Plan B doesn't even really apply any more.<P>My alien abductee called and asked me to get new gym clothes for our son. Fine.<P>Then she asked about the printed info pertaining to a school field trip - how come she didn't see this?<P>Duh?<P>It was addressed to us here, at our home. OK, I'll try to make sure you know about all his activities.<P>I can't accurately duplicate all the details in the remainder of the conversation, except to say it degenerated very rapidly - mostly my fault. I just couldn't take the hypocrisy any more. Here's the punch line:<P>Her: What's gotten into you? Why are you being so nasty? Well, the divorce is NOW gonna be contested!!!<P>Me: What? Have you filed yet? Whadaya mean what's gotten into me? You're the one who had the affair. Nothing's contested until you file, and then I have to make the choice to contest!! By the way, <Son> says he's uncomfortable around <OM>. What're ya gonna do about that?<P>Her: I've been a SAINT compared to YOUR behavior!<P>I'm speechless.<P>I just can't come up with a rational response to that.<P>Will somebody please shoot me?<P>WAT

Dave,<P>she is still reading that WS script. My STBX thinks he is in the right, that he has been more than fair, any objection that I have to anythin I just need to get over it.<P>It isn't fair but what is new<P>You know at this point I don't think it matters if you LB, I may get bashed for that but remember you have tried, you know, everyone knows including your W, even if she will never admit.

Damn. You are a good man. I give you so much credit right now. As you may or may not know I became the BS over the weekend. My kids are 5 and 9. Damn one day.... I am so heartsick right now I cant even stand to be alone with myself...<P>You are a good man. DONT EVER FORGET THAT.

Hi WAT. Isn't is funny how no matter what happens it's always thrown back on us the BS. I wish that I had some advice to offer you but I must admit I don't. You have gone above and beyond to try to get through to her. You are truly an inspiration to me. Your son and your W too (if she could see through that damn fog) are so very lucky to have such a caring, patient and loving man to call father and husband. So, what's next? Do you really think she is contemplating fileing for D or just angry words. Regarding your reply on my thread. You said I should be honest with H about the cell bill. Well, I told him and of course he was angry. He said what did I tell you I would do if you opened another cell bill addressed to me? I said I don't know divorce me? He said no you would like that to much. Hello? What does that mean? Anyway I think he was refering to a statement he made awhile back about changing his number and not giving it to me. You know WAT at this point I don't care. I'm not upset, I didn't argue with him. Normally I would have called him as soon as he left but I didn't. Sorry to vent on your thread. Take care and keep us posted. Good night. <BR>cybil

sorry, wat, we're not gonna shoot ya here. we love you too much.<P>Man! You dont' deserve this!!! But you handled it jsut fine, ok? Don't worry about it. Maybe your words will sink in, since you've been so nice. Maybe it'll wake her up a tad. Maybe not.<P>sigh... I sure dont' know what to tell ya. What do you think about apologizing - maybe tomorrow, and then try to get things back on Plan B. You will feel more confident going forward, if you can do that, right?<P>hugggggs.... sorry about the bad phone call. It'll be ok.<P>

Wacko...I SWEAR they are all wacko... what to do... You're doing great WAT. Thank goodness you have never posted her name or I may feel the need to track her down and give her a piece of my mind (I would never be physically abusive...too 'fraid of getting hit back :-))<P>Deb

More fogtalk. It ticks me off that she just can't admit she did anything wrong!!! <P>I used to get the same from H during our separation. He would constantly tell me, "I have never tried to hurt you" (WHAT?????), "but you keep trying to make my life a living hell".<P>He still hasn't acknowledged that he did hurt me (even if those weren't his intentions), and I did do some major LBing (many of which you know about ... grin). At least I eventually learned how to take the high road, and do things legally. That's what gets them the most. <P>I know that's what you're doing too. And it's really getting to your W. But IMO, so what? You're not doing anything wrong, you're only protecting yourself and your son. Kudos to you, my friend! <P>Karen<BR>

Oh MAN. I'm sorry WAT, but your wife has become the QUEEN of the alien race we speak of so often.<P>That statement is just SO ludicrous!! I notice the same thing alot with my H. I'll talk about something that bugs me and immediately it's, Well, I did THIS, so how can I say that about him? <P>You know what my H told me the other day (sarcastically, but it does make sense if you think about it): "Well, then, I guess I'm saying two wrongs do make a right." And he was half-serious because it was the only way to justify whatever it was he was talking about at the time... Absurd.<P>Like you can compare an affair and lying to anything else?? There just is no comparison, I'm sorry. Yes, we BS's did things wrong before the affair, but they ARE NOTHING compared to the affair. NOTHING. Like my counselor says, you have to put out the fire BEFORE you clean up the spilled milk...<P>Sorry, WAT. You are such an awesome guy. You don't deserve this, but at least next week you know you'll be laughing about how absurd she was. I mean c'mon!!!<P>Here's a thought. Perhaps she is like my H in that she likes to STATE things that she WISHES were true, just to try and MAKE them be true. You know, like "I'm innocent", as you're holding the stolen cigarettes in your hand type deal...<P>Just a thought.<BR>HbH

Thanks, Ladies. <P>My Plan B implementation has been terrible. <P>But, ironically, this proves why Plan B is so important. In almost every conversation we have about our son (we don't discuss anything else) it's like she intentionally serves up an irresistible offer to LB. My weakness is hypocritical statements - and she makes them constantly. Of course, she has no idea that she's doing this. Remember, the Mothership is in control.<P>A good Plan B would prevent me from sliding down this slippery slope.<P>I'm gonna try real hard to keep from taking the bait to LB when we have to talk. When I fail, it just provides more ammunition for her accusations that I'm just too unreasonable to deal with.<P>Wow, life without a brain.<P>Thanks again,<BR>WAT<p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited September 06, 2001).]

WAT,<BR>Me too, I’m speechless, but I won’t shoot you though because I still want to have beer with you someday. <P>Well WAT, I think she just tried to say what she said to make her feel less guilt about this whole mess. She knows exactly what she has done that is wrong, but her pride just takes over that spot and until she can see it clearly, there is nothing much to say about it. Maybe she needs a LASIK too for her to see it clearly. <P>OOOO<BR>

BANG! BANG! (I don't drink beer!)<P>Hang in there Dave, what can I say? She sees something you don't see???? Better get that mirror out again, I don't know?<P>My pastor said something really interesting over the weekend. He said when he got mad at someone for getting mad at him for no reason, God told him that he was wrong for getting mad at them for getting mad at him (for no reason)! Whew! It's all about introspection, I guess? NOT guilt, self-examination and keeping a right attitude before God.

Dave,<P>First let me tell you that you have done the best Plan A in town. Now that the niceties are out of the way..... You shouldn't have taken the bait and mentioned how your son feels in the manner that you did. It was too provocative for her. Major LB. I'm not saying that I could have resisted half as often as you have; just that you shouldn't have gone there.<BR>Does she have a computer yet? If so, you can have your own little community on MSN where you can post things to a family calender. Then she can access this anytime and never have an excuse for not knowing things.<BR>I'm glad to see that you didn't respond to the SAINT comment. That was a reach even for her...<p>[This message has been edited by cleopatra (edited September 06, 2001).]

Thanks folks. This too shall pass.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cleopatra:<BR><B>I'm glad to see that you didn't respond to the SAINT comment. That was a reach even for her...<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Ya know, Cleo - my sense is that she actually believes this. If you could only hear the conviction in her voice. She is sooooooooooo sure of herself. Because this claim is SO absurd, it confirms my long standing conclusion that there is a serious denial issue here that blocks her otherwise good sense of judgement and sense of right vs wrong. Very deep stuff going on here.<P>Dave

...very deep stuff which goes back to your other thread about an affair being a symptom of other problems. <P>we would all be better off if affairs were just symptoms of a marital disconnect. Unfortunately some of us come to the table with a little extra baggage than others. Things like the death of a child or other tragic events can cause a person to cope in ways others can not understand. Hopefully, she will understand (one day) the magnitude of her actions and the real source of her pain.

Dave,<P>I was gonna smack you for some of your smart-alec responses, but I see about half-way down where you did that for yourself.<P>Plan B---no contact. And yes, I learned this the hard way, too.

K,<P>I already cyber smacked Dave. <P>Now that I'm an expert at what NOT to do in Plan B, I saw his boo boo right away. lol<P>Jo<P>p.s. K, I've been waiting for you to show. A new member named "Bad Hubby" is a WS and is ready to fess up. He has a thread titled "I need some serious help", was wondering if you could breeze by. Love, Jo

K, Jo - I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I KNOW!!!!<P>I'm the worst dern patient - can't follow my own advice.<P>I tell ya, it is absolutely impossible to have "no contact" when children are involved.<P>You recall what my wife did with my Plan B letter? Her attorney used the "no contact" request against me as an "inappropriate way" to co-parent. Never mind who's REALLY being inappropriate here. My point is that perhaps only MBers understand, and how many Judges are MBers?<P>Dave