Just wondering if others are finding themselves to be less tolerant of stuff their spouses do that you used to consider not worth fussing about?<P>For instance, my H will sit down in his recliner and take his shoes off. No biggie there. However, he never takes his shoes to the bedroom. If I've been really busy, there are usually 3 or 4 pairs of shoes beside his recliner by the time I get around to getting the house cleaned up. I've never made a big deal out of it, but it has now gotten to where it really bugs the heck out of me.<P>When H has been in the kitchen, I can tell, because almost every cabinet door will be standing wide open. Again, I've never made a big deal out of this because I felt like it wasn't worth having a fight with him about it. Now, it's a little irritating.<P>Phony sounding comments also annoy me a great deal. For example, last night, we were visiting friends when the subject of remarriage after one partner's death came up.<P>H said, "If you die before I do, I would never, ever get married again because I love you too much." The tone of his voice was phony, as if he was just trying to impress our friends. I was sitting there thinking, "Yeah, you "love" me too much to get married again if I die before you; yet, "loving" me wasn't enough to keep you from screwing around'<BR>LC<BR>

Hmmmm...<P>Well, I can't say I blame you for being annoyed at Hs LBing annoying habits. What if you just left the shoes there and left the cabinets open? Maybe he does it because he knows that you will come along after him eventually? Whenever he wants to wear his shoes, he can go pick them out of the floor? Can YOU stand to just leave things? The reason I ask is because some people have a low tolerance for clutter of any kind.<P>And that comment in front of company was way out there... I think you did GOOD to just grin and bear it, but did you guys discuss after company left? I mean, did you let him have it?<P>I don't mean let him have it as far as being hateful or mean, but let him know how it makes you feel to hear pretentious, exaggerated comments in front of company just for show????<P>Actually it seems to me that he simply took advantage of an opportunity to make himself look good... He must be feeling pretty low to stoop to that. I hope you guys were able to talk.<P>I would just leave the shoes there. That's where the man wants them... I have an idea? What if you got a puppy Lab? They LOVE chewing on shoes!!!

LC,<BR>One of the "reasons" my H gave when we first separated was because I keep a cluttered house...with H out of the house...guess what? The "clutter" decreased. Not so many shoes at the door, socks, scattered newspaper, random pieces of paper, dishes left here and there...now, it's back.<P>I'm NOT a good housekeeper, but I do what I can to stem the current messy tide of 2 teenagers, 5 cats & a dog. <P>No good advice here, but I hear ya... <P>

Oh, I'm a terrible housekeeper. I freely admit it. I would like to be more efficient about my housekeeping, but it's sort of hard when my whole life sometimes seems chaotic. <P>I can handle H leaving his shoes in the floor by his recliner, until it's time to dustmop the entire floor instead of giving it a lick and a promise by just swishing the dust mop around enough to get by for the moment.<P>And, it's never been that big a deal for me to shut the cabinet doors. I just get 'em as I walk by.<P>I guess the reason it bugs me now is that H complains about the house being a mess and cluttered up. To be fair, I will say that H does a lot of cooking, and he will load the dishwasher, although he doesn't seem to understand the concept of squirting Clorox Cleanup onto the counter and wiping it off.<P>Another thing he does is chew on toothpicks and drop the remains of them wherever.<P>The REAL biggie for me, though, is that I can't stand to hear him refer to a woman as a whore, as in "she's just a whore." Yeah, I know...I've referred to women as whores, too. I guess that my weird logic is that I've never been one, and have a problem respecting someone who bedhops from one man to another. Oh, I KNOW that these woman are seeking love and happiness and probably have real problems, so I also have some compassion for them. I don't sneer at them or treat them like pariahs. The reason it ticks me off to hear my H refer to a woman as a whore is that I really don't think a man who uses such a woman for sex has any room to talk. Does that make sense?

He that points a finger at the faults of others have at least 3 fingers pointing back at them.<P>.....or something like that. So goes the one who points the blame finger at others..... Somehow that makes me feel better. That usually makes me think twice before I point the blame at others. But when I do...... well ya know. <P>L.