Just when I thought things were going to be ok for me, I now find out that the WS had the A with a friend whom I had complete trust in. I've had enough. I was not meant to live on this earth. Why does God punish the innocent? Why do the good die young? Why is it that the evil, sneaky and manipulative people always get ahead and leave the kind-hearted good people to suffer? Everything I have learned as a child and believed in has been destroyed. Love and marriage are not sacred and DO NOT last forever. Good people get walked on and evil people get ahead. In the past, I always found a reason to hang in there, but I can no longer be here when all my hopes and dreams have been shattered. The only thing that I look forward to is the ending of this pain, and I will soon be in a better place. The only thing I regret is that THEY will think I did it because of them, and THEY will get even more attention out of it.

Life isn't fair but please do not do what it sounds like you are doing.<P>there is life after an A. it might not be with your WS but there is life, most likely better.<P>there are many people here who care for you & are willing to help you. i don't know your story, I only read the people I know any more or topics that catch my eye<P>you can hang in there.<P>prayers, good thoughts being sent your way

God is not punishing you. Please stop and pray for His peace in your life. I understand things seem impossible right now but God says His Grace is sufficient II corinthians 12:9 and Psalm 91:15<P>Life was not intended to be fair but I do know that God rewards those who serve and love Him. God loves you and does not want you to harm yourself. <P>Please call someone for help. I understand what betrayal and rejection by those who claim to be our "best" friends feels like but nothing is worth hurting yourself and your family who loves you. Love yourself and love God. Everything else will work out according to His plan for you.<P>PP

They are not worth it. I know it hurts, but God will see to it that you are okay. They will never be happy together. <BR> I am praying for you.

Please hang in there!!! You sound very distraught and I don't want you to make a huge mistake. As they say around here there IS life after A. Don't stoop to another level. Know that there are other people in the same boat as you and you can come here to vent or find support. Hang in there and I'll be thinking and praying for you!!!!

See how many peopl cared all with in less than 8 mintues.<P><BR>MEMO FROM GOD <P>To: YOU <BR>Date: TODAY <BR>From: THE BOSS <BR>Subject: YOURSELF <BR>Reference: LIFE <P>I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. <P>If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. <P>Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now. <P>If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege. <P>Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years. <P>Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return. <P>Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children. <P>Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk. <P>Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine. <P>Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity. <P>Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them! <P>Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may have touched their life in ways you will never know! <P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by sing (edited September 06, 2001).]

Thank you all so much for the prompt replies. I am trying my best to hang in, but I can't concentrate on anything else. I am at work and people are talking to me and I hear nothing. My head feels like it is being squeezed like an orange. I've never felt so helpless. I know I will feel better tomorrow, or the next day or the next....but what happens when this hits me again like it always does? I remember my mother telling me when she first heard of our separation that when she really needs help, she prays to St. Michael who sits at the right of the Lord, but to reserve this for the most important and special requests. I have not used this yet, but I really don't know what to pray for. I know I don't want the WS back, and if not for my discovery of my 'friend' being the OM, I think I would have been fine. But this is a blow that I cannot take. He is also a coworker that never denies it, but skirts the issue and changes the subject. I have to work with this man and live in his house having this evil thing in my mind. In the past, I prayed to God to give me strength and patience and the love of my life back, and my wish was always granted. Now that I don't want her back, what do I pray for?

Please email me. I know what you are feeling. I have felt the same and do still on occasion. Take some time and talk to me. What have you got to lose? <P> jdmac1@yahoo.com<P> I won't preach to you. I won't expect you not to follow through if you want to. But think it through for awhile. Know that you are not alone in your pain. Or in the feeling of wanting to end it. But you can find a reason wait. To see if life starts to get better. <P> I will be waiting for your email.<P> jdmac1@yahoo.com

I know how you feel. People would tell me that work will take your mind off of things - WRONG! I would come to work and sit in my office and cry. Nothing I did took my mind off of my husband leaving. My H left July 24 and it took me a good while to stop feeling the way I was. It is still hard for me to deal with all of this sometimes. I have crying sessions. I may be pretty good about things for a couple days then all of a sudden I break down and cry. You will have ups and downs just like anyone else does. People deal with things differently. Some people can handle situations like this, others can't. I was one of the ones who couldn't in the beginning. Right now I'm thinking positive and praying to God every free moment I get that my husband comes back and our marriage is going to work.<P>Please hang in there. Coming here has changed my outlook on the way I have been feeling and thinking. There are wonderful people here who are to help and comfort. These are people that I have never met and don't know but am thankful for them.

As hard as it is for you to accept this, I can only say you are wrong. I have been where you are at, I know what you are feeling and thinking. Life is much better than that, and when you recover, as I have, you will understand that. You are the winner, they are not.

(((((Indecision)))),<BR>I'll adress tomorrow, etc... first. Are you on anti-depressants? I didn't wanna be, and when I finally started taking them, it was unbelievable how much better I could cope with this stuff. And come here and vent. We are here for you to cry with, scream with, and laugh with also.<BR> <BR>Today.... pray for peace and patience. Pray for God to take away your anger and depression. I know what it's like to sit at work and not be able to do ANYTHING. It SUCKS - there's no other word for it. You have lots of friends here, and lots of blessings in your life. Look for them.... right now.... do you have kids (sorry, I don't remember)... you have a job, you have a house, you have your health, friends, family.... I'm serious, now.. THese are all blessings from God that I took for granted. <P>PLEASE keep posting to us. Cry and type... we don't mind the typo's through the tears.. ok? <P>Father, lift up our friend, Indecision. Wrap your peace and care around him and make him feel loved and comforted. Help him to relax, give his wife and his marriage over to you... You are the only one that can heal his heart ... that can heal his marriage. Relieve him of this stress and depression. Replace his low feelings with feelings of love, peace, joy, and thanksgiving. You are an Awesome God, and You will never fail us. We may not know your purpose in these trials, but we know you have a plan and we will be stronger from these trials. In Jesus name, Amen.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Thank you all once again. jdmac I will email you. Faith1 I will consider the anti-deps, but I've heard it takes a month to kick in. I was doing so well and ready for divorce and moving on with my life. Lost weight, started dating, feeling great. Then this hits. It seems that every time I start to feel like life will go on, another blow is dealt. Yet why is is that WS and OM are doing fine? Why is it that their lives are ok while mine flounders? How does God consider this fair? I am far from perfect, but I am a good person. The world is not meant for good people. This is a sick game.

Indy,<BR>I know how you feel... I really do. Please e-mail jd. He's there for ya.<P>God has answers for us - but His understanding is WAY above ours. If He tried to explain things to us, we wouldn't understand. It doesn't seem fair that we are the ones hurting, and some of the WS's look like they are just having a ball. Their time will come, Indy. You've seen it all over this forum... things will catch up with them, and they will crash... hopefully - they will crash while we're still ready to catch them from the fall. But some of them will hit rock bottom too late.... <P>Patience, Indy.... we don't understand why.... you will be become strong through this ... that sounds like a bunch of malarky, and I hated hearing it.... but I'm living proof of it.. I'm stronger now than ever. They will get their just rewards for what they do. It always happens.... ok?<P>hugggggssssssss .... please keep posting. ask your questions.... it's ok..<P>hey I didn't even see any typo's from your tears!!!

Indy,<P> Any time you want to talk. I will be around. If I don't answer back right away do not get discouraged, it only means I had to run an errand or take the kids to one of their many after school practices. <P> Man to Man, I know what you are going through. This crap is WAY worse than the death of a family member. And believe me I know.<P> jd

Indecision,<P>Although I can't totally relate to your circumstances I went through many years of my life just wanting to die. I can relate to that. If the people around me only knew how many times I wanted the pain to end. I'm blessed to have made it this far without help. The people I loved too much to hurt are why I'm still here. If I had known what I know now I would have gotten help a lot sooner.<P>You know what? This pain is what makes you human. It's unrealistic that someone in your situation would not be experiencing a tremendous amount of pain. The fact that you have to be reminded of it with this OM in your presence everyday must be horrendously difficult.<P>Indecision, THERE IS HELP OUT THERE. Find a counselor. Work on yourself for YOU. Anti-ds are not evil. Yes, they do take some time to kick in but where will you be a month from now if you don't get help now? Therapy and anti-ds changed my life 180 degrees! I want to live now! I'm fixing ME for myself and those who depend on me. I've been depression free for a year, the longest I've gone since I was a teeneager and I'm 39 now! If I can survive that long I know you can.<P>PLEASE DON'T make any "permanent" decisions.<P>Hang in there man! I'm praying for you!<P>NL4M

Indecision,<P>I felt the same way four months ago. I have a W of 9 years who is cheating on me. What a blow. I'm still with her, but I feel a lot better over the situation. Because I always think of what I have.<P>First off I always think to myself - <P>1) I have two children that love me to death<BR>2) I have a lot of close friends that care about me<BR>3) My thinking in life is that it always gets better - it does<BR>4) Are any of my close family members very sick or dying? No<BR>5) After everything is said and done, I might be better off without her. <P>There's more, but you know what I'm getting at. Don't sell yourself short. Life is too short. I always think that a year from now I will look back and see that I should have taken action on my situation a lot earier. Make yourself better. Good luck and take care.<P>

jdmac1 I sent you an email. Only thing keeping me sane is work...funny enough. I wish I could leave and take off for a few days, but we will be having a 20% layoff within the month, and I really can't afford to lose this job. They say God never gives us more than we can handle, but I'm beginning to doubt that.

I should have got the meds when this started so I would be better by now. Since this new job, I have not had the time to get a new doctor with my new health plan. Can a general practitioner subscribe those to me? Do I just make an appt and let them know I am divorcing and depressed and need the meds? I know many here take zoloft. Is that the one I should ask for? and are there side effects I should be aware of? Thanks in advance all. I really appreciate all of you that took the time today to post. I do feel a 'bit' better, but my head still feels like it is in a vise, and I haven't eaten since yesterday.

eat somethin, hun... please? For meeeeeee .... Faithy-pooh??<P> <P>I'm not sure about who can prescribe those for you... hopefully someone else will answer.... you could call a couple of Dr.'s and see. I'm sure you could just make an appointment and ask for them. My GYN prescribed mine - that doesn't help you!!! LOL I take zoloft. mild dosage (50 mg once a day). I haven't had ANY side effects, although I know there are some for some people.<P>Take a deep breath, Indy.... take care of yourself. If you need to pitch a fit, go somewhere private (in your car??? )and do it. Try to avoid punching holes in walls, right jd? ...hehe... And then take a deep breath and take care. Eat something. Go for a walk / jog. Take a nap. Write in a journal.<P>We're here for ya....

Please don't do anything as you suggest doing.<P>A couple of weeks ago I had exactly the same thoughts as you. It was probably the very bottom for me. I thought how killing myself would make my wife feel even worse and my family, her family and all our friends would blame her. I thought it the perfect way to get back at her. Problem was I wasn't thinking of doing it to end my pain but to inflict pain on her... and really all the people who love me.<P>But here I am, feeling a lot better about the future. Even if my wife doesn't return, I'm going to be a better person for having tried. For changing and becoming a truly irresistable husband. The future is going to be great either way my marriage works out. Your's will too!<P>SBT