Dear Sally,<P>I thought a lot about my response to you all night. I was not feeling well and could not respond but wanted to let you know that this stuff also needs to settle in their brain. It takes a while. You, myself and most of the rest of the world can see the foolishness of their ways but the only one that can really do something about it, can't or can't and won't. <P>So until then work on protecting and looking out for the interests of you and your family. He will see that, eventually. Where you are at that time, only time will tell. He takes that risk. It is a large gamble and for some it is too late. For others it is in time but after damage has been done. Some say they get over it. You can forgive but the forgetting piece is not for someone else to dictate. I heard a talk about forgiving and forgetting, the forgetting piece the is related to how we continue to let it be recalled in our minds to hurt our future. To forgive is to move forward. But in reality we never really forget to assume that it will be vanquished from our memories is not reality. In the time pain you are now experiencing will subside. Before it gets worse? Maybe not but look for the future on that piece, Sally. That is what I have had to do. <P>My H wonders why I am still in pain, even though he is here. Well, I am and that is just a fact. See BS's have to heal also. So do our children. For the WS to expect all to be in their favor and everyone else to allow time for only the WS to heal, is wrong. Unless the WS is only doing this to themself and if that were true, they would be single and not be a WS. Ooooh the logic of the fog.......<P>Also, I wanted to say that plan B may vary depending on the type of WS personality. For me, H is a confict avoider but on the outside a fairly mild mannered man. However, his bouts with anger come up when he is angry at himself and then tries to put it on me. I have had to stop that for my protection and told him so. I have made myself and will continue to make myself available for him on issues that apply to our family or myself and work on those issues but not the ones that he has created with this A stuff. Drawing the line there for me has helped. I guess I could be worse if I did not. Either way, there still is a lot of healing to be had. <P>I wish I could take your pain away, Sally. It may be safe to say, that your H needs to learn life's lessons on his own. If he is truly a happier man away from you and his family then you may be better off without him. Or if he learns that he is not, then he will have to restore your faith, trust and value back to you and your family. Should it be the later, Sally that is when your work will get harder because recovery is an animal of a different sort and filled with it's own obstacles. All paths right now are hard and troublesome. Just stick it out. Hang here with the MB group. It is a well traveled road. You will continue to receive support here. You may also be surprised where your support comes from. Even your children cam be your support. A book, a phrase, a word said in passing, a hug, a pat on the back, a massage, etc. There are many avenues of support available. Take advantage of all of it. <P><BR>Take Care and <<<<hugs to you>>>>>,<P>L.<P><BR>
