Does anyone see any danger in sending men and women coworkers for a fun day at Disneyland? There may be about 400 going. What do you suppose they will they be doing there? Is this opening the door to temptation and trouble?

What are they gonna do, make out in "It's a Small World"? I think you're over reacting a bit. My company takes us to functions quite frequently. <p>It's those not so public places with crowds of fewer than three that would worry me, not a throng-filled amusement park. Can you buy a ticket and go along? It would be fun.

If my husband were to get a trip to Disneyland yes I would be disapointed. Not because I was worried that he might do something but because I would want to go to. Same goes for me, that's such a family place and I couldn't imagine going without the family. <p>A couple of years ago my work sent me to an off-site in Las Vegas. There were many males and females. Many paired off depending on what we wanted to do. I don't gamble so I went shopping with a male co-worker, nothing happened, and we had a good time. <p>If a relationship is stable going away on a business trip is not going to cause somebody to cheat. And if the relationship is not stable and a person is inclined to cheat then they will even in the same town as you.

Personally (and this is just me) I do and would have a problem with a company sponsored social/entertainment event that doesn't include/invite spouses and/or significant others. It puts a weird focus on the "just us" kind of thing that may be intentional on the part of the company as a type of bonding experience for employees, but it can be risky to encourage that kind of off work fun type thing. Really, I'd try to find a way to go....find out if other spouses are going..

It&#8217;s interesting that you mentioned a &#8220;bonding experience&#8221; because, even though they didn&#8217;t use those words, that&#8217;s what they meant. The actual business meeting is rather short, leaving the rest of the day for &#8220;socializing&#8221;. When I graduated from high school, we went to Disneyland afterwards. It was a group social event, but we were pairing off. I was like a date. According to psychologists (and the founder of this website), married people shouldn&#8217;t be getting involved in these kinds of activities with members of the opposite sex. There&#8217;s reasons for it. Proximity, the casual atmosphere, similarities, disclosure are factors that can draw people together. Men and women friendships tend to become sexualized. Now, these &#8220;experts&#8221; telling us this is where infidelity often begins. To me, it&#8217;s like sending men and women on a &#8220;date&#8221;. Spouses may be invited but costs and other reasons might prevent a spouse from attending. Why couldn&#8217;t they just provide a more &#8220;work related&#8221; atmosphere instead of an amusement park? And yes, if someone wants to cheat, they will but why is there so much written about fleeing temptation? This is just asking for trouble in my opinion.

Well, let me say this...my job is to answer an 800 line with rude, cussing ornery people that I have to buttkiss and placate every day. I appreciate that fact that my boss thinks enough of me to take me out to the ball game every spring and to the state fair every fall and other places in between. And we rarely 'pair off'--usually a couple or three of us girls go together and the guys hang out in groups.<p>I think you are really, really insecure and you're going to have to face the fact that you can't be everywhere your spouse goes. Do you really have so little faith in him? I will agree that opposite sex co-workers (or anybody, for that matter) shouldn't be alone---but they will be in a group of thousands. That always tends to take the romance out of it for me. I really think you are being paranoid about this.<p>I am sorry, I don't mean to offend but if you don't trust your spouse to even go to work, why are you married to him?

Actually, I'm a psych student currently studying teambuilding, bonding among employees and attraction theory. Gary Neuman in "Emotional Infidelity" made a negative comment about teambuilding. Alot of teambuilding activities make use of the components that also can lead to attraction such as proximity, reciprocal disclosure, similarity, etc. These factors are most often behind the affairs mentioned on this site. If someone had an attraction to a coworker, I would think that going to a place like Disneyland would only throw fuel on the fire by the opportunity that's been provided.

I agree. I think Franklymydears has a point about building the relationship and all.<p>But, my H was faced with the opportunity to have an EA and he has since limited his social activities, to the point of going to lunch with the rare mixed group of folks and taking his lunch, telling others that he doesn't spend time with coworkers outside of work and refusing opportunities, and limiting conversation (but not too much).<p>There's a difference between someone who is good to work with and someone who's fun to hang out with. It's okay for single coworkers to hang out, not fine for marrieds.<p>Hoping

Well I have mixed feelings about this one. I agree that a cheating spouse will cheat whether in a crowd or small group. And the place doesn't matter.<p>I have a hard time though with companies that sponsor activities, or meetings that turn into "fun" without offering the spouse the opportunity to go. My H works for the state and they have an annual 'event' that has a few work related sessions but is mostly play. This goes on for 3 days and they are invited to stay overnight for the duration. NO WAY! Of course I am influenced because it is just one of the things that H did with OW. But I don't like that sort of thing anyway. Fun activites should be open to the entire family or at least spouses.<p>The company that I work for has many activites that they sponsor. Some are more oriented toward the young single crowd, (i.e. happy hour events, etc) but most are more family oriented (baseball games, theme parks, bowling etc) and open to anyone that wants to attend. <p>H also attends a number of meetings per year and spouses are always welcome to attend the planned activities. We take one of our vacations each year at the time of one of the meetings because they are in such beautiful locations. This year Prince Edward Island and you can bet I will be there.<p>So no, in general I don't like this type of thing and I am afraid I would have to make my feelings known. Have you discussed this? Do you know for a fact that you couldn't go? Maybe just meet there?

I have to ride along on victoria's coattail here...there is nothing to prevent you from going and meeting up with your husband once the meeting is over. I think it would be great for you, even. A day at DW to have fun and relax.

Disneyland? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I wanna go!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Why arent they making it a "family" event?? Usually when I company plans an event like that they set it up so you can bring your spouse and kids-- I would wonder...

my h's company does alot of the "team building" bs which is great for the company and sucks for marriages. It puts my h in a recreational setting with members of the opposite sex and they do not include spouses....can't even buy a ticket if i wanted to. It helps build recreational relationships....and I have enough competition in that area with his hunting buddies...and this with members of the opposite sex. I wish corporate America could see the dangers in this for families....I've already seen this explode into affairs....and hey....disneyland doesn't just have it's a small world...they've got all those dark scary amusement rides, tunnels, etc. "let's just all squeeze in people!"

I think there should/may be a law that would apply to this if a company sponsored event does not extend invitation of that event to spouses of their married employees.<p>I am thinking about my 401(k) that I had to sign (I live in CA). It required my W to sign the part of where that % distribution would go in the event of my death. It also required my W to sign that she agree IF I had less than 50% ditribution going to her.<p>If an EA happens (and proven) during this event, I think the company would be partly liable for sponsoring the EA to happen. <p>Money talks, BS walks specially in CA [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

[QUOTE from Starfish] My h's company does alot of the "team building" bs which is great for the company and sucks for marriages. It puts my h in a recreational setting with members of the opposite sex and they do not include spouses....can't even buy a ticket if i wanted to. It helps build recreational relationships... [end of quote]<p>I agree exactly. If doing recreational activities with your spouse is supposed to build love units, then I would think if someone is having a whole lot of fun on rides that throw people together (literally), I'd think this spells trouble. But the whole idea behind this corporate plan is for BONDING. Do a google search on teambuilding if you don't believe me. Even overnight activities where people bear their soul is big business. All for the bottom line. Starfish: you said you've seen this "explode into affairs". Can you give me some examples? A couple of years ago, a friend asked me if she heard if her husband was having an affair. I hadn't. Her husband works with mine so I asked him. He hadn't heard anything either. But recently, I saw him at a public meeting and another coworker (actually a few attended) was sitting next to him. Pretty lady. Everytime she spoke to him, she'd put her hand on his arm. She didn't do that to the other male coworker sitting on her other side. I thought this was awfully friendly body language (but some people are touchy- feely and it doesn't mean anything), especially when she was a fairly new employee. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] Another strange sidenote: activities like riding a rollercoaster can increase attraction with whomever you are with (male/female mix) BECAUSE of arousal, according to experts. The arousal actually causes attraction according to theories. Weird?

wooo....that roller coaster thing is interesting.<p>okay...example...last "team building thing the company did was three days in Marguerita on the beach...volley ball games...cute huh? Look, you know how many miss universes came out of Venezuela? well these girls are pretty here and they are dying to glom on to these married guys...even the ugly ones!!! i don't know whether its to get out of here or what...money? who knows? Anyway, back to marguerita....evidently one of the guys and the secretaries got caught with some hanky panky going on....the wife eventually found out....she left and now the guys living with the secretary.

I don't mean this to be rude but GIVE ME A BIG FAT BREAK HERE!<p>Nobody on earth is more insecure than big, fat, gray, old me but good grief...
You know there are women all over the world--do you really think you can keep your husbands locked up from all of them? And if they have affairs, then they are responsible, regardless of how it begins, comes about. If I follow your thinking, I should sue my company for my affair because they, darn them, set up our office a block away from the Red Roof Inn. And I guess I should include RR because they actually rented me a room! And while I;m at it, I guess I'll sue Ford because they let me buy the truck to I drove to motel in. (and lest you think the OM was a co-worker, sorry to disappoint-he wasn't)<p>Ladies, get some self-esteem and stop being jealous of your husband's jobs. And no, you cannot go on every team building event but I don't see how they can keep you away from this particular one. Disney will sell you a ticket for the day in question, I assure you. UNLESS...<p>maybe what jea louse is not telling us is that she asked h if she could go and he turned her down?<p>[ May 03, 2002: Message edited by: franklymydears ]</p>

frankly....you think this is about jealousy....and i don't. my h has recreational companionship as his #2 need...he needs it, and i would like to be able to meet this need. he works some 50-60 hours a week. he has to travel for for his job, so sometimes, like this week, he has to be gone for the whole week. i'm not freaking out about it. i can't control that he works, or worry about it...every time he leaves the house...affairs can occur anywhere. but harley says that if this is one of his needs, and he is put in a situation where he enjoys "recreational time" with members of the opposite sex...chances of an affair increase. i believe him. i don't like it....i have so little time available in the first place. now if the company wants more of his time for team building....well they can bite me.

Well, starfish, I was specifically responding to jea louse's posts because she was the OP. And as I said, I don't mean to offend anyone.<p>I do understand about recreational time and that intimate (as in group size)recreational time in should not be spent with members of the opp sex unless it's a spouse. But I doubt that anyone would consider 400 people an intimate group. As I said, DW is hardly the place where anyone could carry on a hot, steamy affair. I honestly think j's attitude borders on paranoia. And I truly do wonder if j has already suggested going along and was turned down. <p>I will say this as well. Sometimes at my job we attend training or seminars where it is not possible for family members to attend. (of course, we don't travel, it's always in town). Other times we go to movies, the fair, and families are welcome to pay their own ways and meet us their. For example, once we went to a specially staged dinner theater during work hours and only employees could attend. Next week we are going to a baseball game and anybody can tag along--at their own expense, of course. And the reason that these outings are during work hours is that when they are held outside of the work schedule, very few people even show up. These events are very expensive (I imagine DW probably charges about $30 per ticket at group rate--$12k is alot out of any office's incentive budget)and the company wants to be sure its not throwing dollars down the drain. And if they give a food allowance, it's even more.<p>I also think my point that we can't hide our darling hub's all the time and they must be able to move about the world to keep a job and help support us.<p>I wish jea louse would tell if she has suggested that she pay her own way and join him...and what the response was.<p>[ May 03, 2002: Message edited by: franklymydears ]</p>

To me there is a big difference between a one day event in a very public place, like a trip to Disneyland, and a 3 day beachside trip...<p>The Disney trip I would have no problem with at all. The 3 day thing, I would have a quarrel with...not so much because of girls in swimsuits, but simply that 3 days of recreational time is a lot.

I used to be the one in our marriage who went to state-wide professional meetings held in resort areas, overnight trips for semimars, etc. I cut back on those kinds of events for many reasons-- my husband didn't like them, they weren't paying off as much financially as they could have, I was burned out. But you know what? As stimulating as it was to go to these events and to meet intelligent, vital, interesting men (and women) at them-- it was my husband who had the affair, and he met his needy, financially distressed, older other woman on the Internet in our own living room.<p>I think we need a balance in all things, including marriage. I think married people still need a chance to build non-marital relationships and I don't believe that all relationships between men and women will become sexual. I agree that it is up to us to keep the brakes on our sexual impulses. However, if someone is in such a state as to be vulnerable to an affair, then it is stupid for that person to particiapte in business-social activities apart from the spouse. Kind of like having an imuno-deficient disease and deliberately exposing yourself to infectious diseases.<p>So my answer to jea louse is that if you are concerned about your husband being vulnerable to an affair, then you might want to participate, if you can, in the Disney trip, and you should try to address the deeper issue in your marriage directly, instead of obliquely. If your question is just hypothetical, then go to Disney if you want to, or stay home if you want to.<p>And star, if your husband's #2 need is recreational companionship, why won't you play golf? Hunting is icky (omigod, will I get flamed for that?) but golf is fun. That "thwack" when you hit the sweet spot is very satisfying.<p>(Sure wish they had spell check on this board)<p>[ May 04, 2002: Message edited by: Charynne ]</p>