well, my wife finally came home after 5 weeks away job training. (told me 4 weeks ago that we were divorcing OUT OF THE BLUE). so she called me sat morning and said to come over and we'd split finances. nervous, i agreed. went over and did just that: finances. like a business transaction. i tried to be as cool as possible, but it was very frustrating. her mom and sis were there, and were just quiet. mom said I was doing a great job when wife was in other room. i sighed. she had even taken more of my stuff and put it out on the porch before i got there. also separated kitchen stuff and put in on counter for me. wasnt expecting that! I built her up a computer to use, and cleaned my stuff up. <p>yesterday (sunday) I finally had to buy a car. so went down and got a little commuter ford focus hatchback. felt much better that my major needs were finally met. (except unconditional love of course!) called up wife and told her what i was doing, she was nice and excited for me.<p>today sucked! (monday) went to bank, insurance, tax guy, and a few others w/ her to finalize accounts. mind you she hasnt even GONE to the courthouse yet. it was a rough morning. nice to be w/ her, but rough. when i got to "our" apt, she had painted it yesterday and bought some new furniture. was very hurtful to see her MOVE ON so quickly. we all 4 went to lunch being starved, and had a decent time. i was quiet and not looking forward to the "END". then stopped by my new place to pick up her maxima that she needs to sell. they came in and saw our 2 dogs, and my wife started to cry. it WAS SO HARD. I started to cry as well and had to go to the other room. sounded like she really broke down. our younger dog misses her so much, and she felt it. (don't know if I was included in those tears) I dried off, came back in, and we said our good byes. I told her to take the dogs for a few days. she said she couldnt do that. <p>well, closed the door and wept in my room for a few minutes. had to release all the anxiety that built up all morning. man, it hurt, it really hurts even right now! <p>not 2 mins later, the door rang. she was there w/ noticable tears and asked about the a/c not working. I said it had been working fine and she should drop it by. she could tell I had been crying. she hesitated to turn and leave, and I opend my arms. she accepted and we hugged and cried for a few seconds. i told her in her ear that I LOVED HER deeply and that when she wanted to talk, I would be here to listen. We then said goodbye and that's the last i saw. Had to work this evening, and it was hard. I broke down talking to mom and dad earlier. still was releasing emotion. <p>whew, this is hard. i hope and pray, but am preparing for her decision. it was nice to finally see some emotion, something that resembled what I was married to a short month ago. <p>they were planning on heading to court after leaving me, i really hope they didnt. but that's all it is, hope.<p>just hope and pray w/ me. got my DB book this afternoon. will start it tomorrow. i'm too emotionally drained to do any reading tonight. <p>Jon<p>[ March 26, 2002: Message edited by: JON ]<p>[ March 27, 2002: Message edited by: JON ]<p>[ March 29, 2002: Message edited by: JON ]<p>[ March 29, 2002: Message edited by: JON ]<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: JON ]<p>[ May 05, 2002: Message edited by: JON ]<p>[ May 05, 2002: Message edited by: JON ]</p>

Jon, may God make you strong... My prayers are with you... I would like to say do not give up hope and do not stop trying at this point... Come here often for support as we will be here for you!<p>God Bless

WOW- your awesome Jon. The wauy you took it all in stride and ended the day with a loving offer... Man, a lot of MB'ers would have been here posting how angry and vilatd they feel... YOu have a real capacity for love. <p>Keep your chin up and your heart open. God has to have some sort of plan in mind here and I am sure it is all for your good.

well, not to fast, HH. she served me papers today. I was doing work, she called and asked if they could come over. I asked where they were, she said court house! my knees buckled. I drove home, crying and shaking my head, SO SCARED! I did NOT want it to happen. I came home, and wept. they showed up, came in. Her sis, mom, and her. came into kitchen, I asked what the deal was, and her mother handed me papers and said that I was served. I couldnt believe it. mom and sis were NOT HAPPY being there. they were very sad, and teary eyed.<p>I looked at amanda and told her "I don't agree w/ this. This is the easy way out and I don't agree. I want counselling, and then I would accept it. I asked her if this was REALLY what she wanted. She answered yes, then went outside.<p>i was so frustrated. i was crying and speaking out it disbelief that this was too easy and too painful. I was just shaking my head. here sister started to cry out loud, and she was wheeping w/ me. I told her it would be ok. I then asked if they would like to pray w/ me, and they both gladly accepted in tears. I prayed, and I felt strong. I felt at peace, sad, but at peace. I prayed for sis and her husband (who are having some troubles), and mom and her husband (who have had troubles for 30 years). I asked God to make us stronger people and to please let amazing things happen in the next 6 month waiting period. <p>guys, it was SO HARD! the most painful thing I have ever done. but I felt better after. I felt that some mysteries were becoming revealed. that if she was REALLY this cold, and unwilling to meet a CHANGED man at the door and walk through w/ him, then she wasnt for me. if she wants to chase money, success, and paid-for items, then don't let the door knock you in the [censored] on the way out! <p>so much emotion. SO MUCH PAIN. I'm not a perfect man, but I'm a good man that loved unconditionally. I want to keep fighting, but dont feel the energy now. I feel the war is almost over. I feel that all I can do is pray. <p>What to do now? well, I decided to go flying this afternoon. I soloed a month ago ()Picturesright before she dropped this misery on our marriage and hadn't been since. I was ready to fly again, to spread my wings and take to the sky. It felt great. Was a little rusty on the landings, but cheated death one more time [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Life will go on, don't know what will be in the future. I still pray that she meets me at that door of commitment, but only time will tell. <p>Any suggestions would be appreciated.<p>a very tired Jon

Jon.......don't know what to say about the divorce, but thanks for the link to the pictures ...the home brewery was especially interesting.<p>hugs and prayers.......

[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] glad you liked the pictures. had a blast building it. i like to do weird and exotic things now and then. not much of a drinker, but really like beer, and love to build [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] it's for sale, BTW. $1500 OBO [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jon

<p>[ April 04, 2002: Message edited by: pam_blue ]</p>

Jon..
Sad story but at least you have the guts to face what you are dealing with like a man and start making a life for yourself. I commend you for that...Its tough..but hang in there..There is a better life over the horizen for you...Maybe there is still a chance..and I pray there is for you but I really have to say I am impressed that with all that you are faced with and being handed papers..at least you are moving on with your life..and LIVING LIFE..That is wonderful..No need to tell you to get a life..You have one...Praying for you...You are strong and you will make it..I admire your strength...You are not whining, begging an pleading for her to come back..that only makes you more attractive as a person..People that are confident, strong and face their fears are way more attractive to the WS than one that whines, begs, pleads and gets obsessive...I truly truly admire you! ( I think its MikeC or MC2 who has a great saying...let me search and I will send it to you)<p>PS: I am within hours of receiving my Rotary Wing Pilots License..... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Here it is..from MikeC2....I love this..and its VERY TRUE...<p>He has on his signature block...ATTRACTIVE= strong, confident, happy, fun, giving, kind, communicative, honest<p>Glad you have not lost your self respect in all this..and I think you are doing great..Hang in there..don't lose hope yet but more important...Don't LOSE yourself in this and I see you have not done that...<p>
Stay Strong Jon

All I can say is that I am thinking of you and feeling your pain. You sound like a great guy and I will be praying for you. I wish my husband was as sensitive as you. She should realize how lucky she is, but sometimes you don't until it is too late. I wish you only good things.

thanx for the support. last night was good, was w/ friends and support. but i had a dream that woke me. was pleading w/ wife in a hotel room, but she just kept working on her computer. futile! it's hard to face today KNOWING what i do now. took all my energy to face the papers still sitting in the kitchen. so hard to believe, so much emotion. my wife petitioning for nullification and she taking HER name back! it was all a dream [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>well, thanx again,<p>Jon

NO THANKS NEEDED...I'm proud of you!!<p>Stay Strong..

man, i'm really in denial that this whole thing is going to happen. please can someone push the fast-forward button on the remote for me [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] whew, just had to vent.<p>May those who give up so easily please receive the wisdom that I'm praying they receive. Give me some of it as well, amen.<p>Jon

Jon, I am going to hang in recovery forum....you are welcome over there...its much more positive and there are many people in recovery with or without their spouses..also for you since you have actually been served with papers..not to say that you have no hope..there still is but I think the forum of divorcing/divorced may help you..I know you don't want to think along that path but people in your same boots are there..and can help you too...<p>Check in the recovery room when you can and post..and let me know how you are doing...<p>Take care Jon..You are going to be ok..based on your posts and what you have said..I have all the faith in you..you are strong, confident and will make it..and its okay to cry, its normal to grieve for something lost..that is okay....<p>
I admire you....hang tough..and don't get trampled on or taken atvantage of..<p>your new car sounds great [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>let me know about your flying and how that is going...I am sooo happy about mine and studying for my BIG FAA coming up...<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I won't be back here but check in with me in Recovery if you can and let me know how you are doing..<p>I am SUPER DUPER PROUD of you!!

Jon,<p>Wow...what I wouldn't give for my H to be more like you. I might have missed it, but how long have you been married ? You are doing a SUPERB job at being level headed. I commend you on that. H and I have been separated for 1 month now. It was H's doing. Said he needed "space". I'm doing just that but it is hard. Keep praying and keep faith in that God will prevail. I had an email from a friend last week that had a quote that I taped to my computer screen. It has helped me greatly. "If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it". <p>God Bless You,<p>KentuckyGirl

Hey, Jon,<p>I just had to step in here and tell you with the others that you are doing a great job. It's got to be really hard. I will say a prayer for you, too.<p>BTW, being a beer drinker myself, that is a VERY cool home brewery! I noticed the dark beer in your hand, I like sissy-light beer!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'd like to try making some someday. We've made brandy before but never beer. My brandy came out excellent this year. Made from my neighbors pear tree. Was a HUGE hit over the holidays!<p>Is it 5 oclock yet? I'm getting thirsty!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hang in there guy & stay strong!!

well, been a tough few days. i had work out of town for 2 days, and got back last night. been doing better, but still have times.<p>interesting thing this morning: stbx went to Los Angeles for more training till tonight. easier when she's not so near. well, got a call on my cell this morning. it was her, and she was crying. she was crying pretty good. i asked if she was ok? she said pretty good until this morning. she said she had ups and downs and imagined I knew what it was like. Oh yes, how I know what that is like. i had told her mother that I would probably give her 1 of our dogs if she wanted, as 2 would be too much for me right now. stbx said her mother had mentioned it to her and asked if I could bring the little one over tonight. she asked if I would be around, i said i could be if she wanted. I told her to be strong and get through the day and abbey (dog) would comfort her tonight.<p>Dont know if she's having second thoughts. I have been wounded to my core, and dont know if I can survive this one more time. i dont know what to expect from her. i dont know whether to embrace her if she opens up, or let her know that right now the only place we should meet is at counseling if she so desired. i know what the easy thing to do would be is buckle at the knees and come running home to her. but at what expense? <p>any suggestions? when she opened up on monday and cried in my arms, it felt soo good. but her serving me papers on tuesday was a gut-wrenching knife wound twice as painful. didn't blow out my candle, but crushed it!<p>How do I let her know that I'm serious and no bull****? I want to change our marriage, but can't handle being a doorstep.<p>thanx for the support and sharing,<p>Jon<p>[ March 29, 2002: Message edited by: JON ]</p>

Hi Jon<p>For someone going through something so tramatic you are doing great! I read some of your posts, but I didn't see why it was that your W wanted a divorce. Were you fighting about something? It sounded as if everything was fine and then all of a sudden your W wants a divorce.

ammc:<p>im as confused these days as to the TRUE reason, but she has givent hints:<p>-likes and respects 'herself' more at work than when at home w/ me. Acts differently? (don't we all?)
-feels she's been working too hard at relationship and not been happy for a while (fooled everyone around us!)
-we're not compatible (what can I say?)<p>things I will regret all of my life:
-not getting flowers and writing cards more often
-meeting her sensual needs w/ my sexual needs more
-TRUE communication and COMPLETE honesty
-taking marriage and love for granted
-not thinking w/ my heart more instead of my head.<p>
This saga has been a devistating and life-changing event. I never thought. . . <p>I don't know what to expect tonight. I don't know if she just is hell bent on mourning this marriage and forcing herself to just get over me. Or if she will agree to work on what's been destroyed. I will probably have a better understanding tomorrow, but hope is something that got my heart smashed last tuesday when she served me the D papers.<p>whew, im nervous to see her. my heart skips still, and that hurts. just getting prepared to accept the worst.<p>Jon

well, went and picked up rest of stuff and dropped little abbey off (dog). she was there, cold and collected. i asked her how she was, she said 'sad'. i told her i was sad too. does this make sense? why isn't your answer 'relieved' or 'happy' or 'free'. when i spoke w/ you on the phone this morning, why were you crying? i hope you dont think you're doing me any favors by this. set a time frame up, go to counseling, explore ourselves in detail, AND THEN, AND ONLY THEN throw in the towel if you so desire. to make up your mind on a business trip and tell me over the phone? crush my heart only when you don't have to deal with it? damn you cold woman.<p>i asked her again if she would go to counseling w/ me, she said no.<p>well, amanda, have a great life. i loved you, and you left me. i FINALLY want to understand this game, and now you forfeight. do you understand that NOW I GET IT and will do anything in my power to make this marriage work and make the changes in my life to achieve that goal? but now you want to give up. for better or for worse? i guess not. you said you havent been happy for a while? quite a front you put on then. you lied to me for so many years? you lied about being so glad that we married. you lied about getting old together. you lied about me becoming a great father to our children someday. you're lying to yourself if you think this path is the ONLY choice at this time! you lied to ME, you lied to YOU, you lied to our family and friends, and only God knows if you lied to him. you have hurt me to my core, and i weep! have a great life!<p>a very frustrated and beat,<p>Jon
[img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>PS: tomorrow is another day [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]