Apr 26
-We had our first joint counceling session. It went ok. I don't think we revealed anything new. She just doesn't trust that I can make her happy (meet her needs). And doesn't want to make any effort to even try.
-We talked afterwards and we decided that I need to be home with the kids more. We are going to find an apartment near the house to share. The kids stay in the house and she and I switch between the house and the apartment. This takes a huge load off my mind. I was worried for so long that she was keeping me out to hurt my chances of getting the kids, but she seems to think that split time with the kids is a good solution.
-Having an interm solution to my concern about losing my kids now gives me a more open mind about my W. Do I think she can make me happy?

Apr27/28
-Spent most of Sat with W and kids. W took me and kids out for dinner Sat night.
-complimented W on her legs
-told her I appreciated her organizing the kids summer activities
-Gave her a couple of hugs and kisses on the cheek/forhead during the day.
-Bought W flowers
-Made dinner and cleaned up
-Gave kids their bath
-thanked W for the weekend<p>[ April 29, 2002: Message edited by: LostForWords ]</p>

Apr 30
-Called W at work to see how her day was going.
-I need to plan another date.

Sounds like you are doing well. Your W's decision to keep you closer to the kids may be a sign that the love bank is starting to level off. She is starting to admire you again. If she didn't, she would want to put more distance between you, not less. <p>How do you feel about your Plan A? You seem to be spending a fair bit of time together. What are the conversations like? Are you able to apply listening and validation skills? Have you been able to seek her advice on some issues? have you been able to share your feelings (on non-relationship issues of course)? <p>BTW - you mentioned something about making each other happy in one of your posts. Remember that happiness is only 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. No on can MAKE you happy nor can you MAKE anyone else happy. It will be helpful to you if you can keep that in mind. This is perhaps one of the most important boundaries in marriage. When we start trying to make others happy or expecting them to make us happy, we are doomed to feeling resentful.

what is the plan A log? I might very well need to get in on this topic. Is it something that teaches us how to deal better with our spouses? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Happy_husb suggested keeping a log of the things I do each day to meet my W's emotional needs.<p>May3/4
-Took D10 to dance competition.
-Took D10 home and talked to W. REALLY good conversation. She is still in a fog. OM keeps calling. She doesn't want him to. I was a good friend. I listened and she thanked me after.
-took kids to sat activities.
-flirted (she actually flirted back at one point)<p>We'll see how the rest of the weekend goes!

May 6,7,8,9<p>W and I are sharing time with the kids and I have been back in the house this week.<p>-I've been trying to keep the house picked up, so when she comes in the morning to look after kids, she doesn't see the mess we create each night!
-I've been greeting her at the door and giving her a kiss goodbye
-She got her hair done, I told her it looked great! (it does).
-I've been trying to not smother. She complained about this and I'm trying to be concious of it.

May 10,11,12
-Have been letting you down lately. I haven't been meeting her needs very well.
-Made reservations for fancy mothers day brunch.
-Gift for Mom day is picture of kids holding sign saying 'we love you'. Blew it up 8X10 with each kids baby picture below them.

lfw, sounds like you are doing ok...you can't be unilateral all the time...just keep working on it.<p>At some point in time, she has to make a decision that she is going to reconnect. And she won't want to. But the choices are either to divorce, which would be hell on the kids regardless of what those pinhead psychologists say, or remain in a loveless marriage.<p>And if it is going to go from a loveless marriage, to a marriage filled with love, she is going to have to put in some effort. And you are not the one who can tell her this, she is going to have to either figure it out on her own, or if your MC gains her trust, he can explore this with her. Good luck...I have been there. Realize that this may take a while....things just don't usually turn around quickly, they take a while to repair what may be long term damage.

May 12
-I forgot to mention W initated hug when she came home.
-Whole family went for long walk together.<p>May 13
-W called me at work, small talk mostly. She did mention that due to events on the weekend she is thinking single life isn't that great. Single people are more messed up than her. See OM is a pig