ok i wrote to the forum a while ago and was having problems with my hubby over the computer. now my problems involve other ppl (not the comp) in the past week i have been accused of cheating with a woman , my best friend's husband , and another man that lives in my nieghborhood. it has been like this for going on 2 years , we have been in marriage counseling for the past 6 months and im getting no where. my husband doesnt trust me at all, weve been married 4 years and im getting to a point i dont care anymore. i have never given him a reason to distrust me ( i mean nothing) i love my husband but have lost the in love feeling, what i need to know is how do you get that feeling back and how do you deal with being accused of a good 20 ppl? [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] i have alot of anger now towards my husband , just yesterday i walked over to get my son from this man in the nieghborhood when i got over to the outside of the house , u can see my house from there, my husband yells my name and screams and flips me off!! i dont get it! i could understand if i had ever done anything to make him distrust but i havent he says he sees me as a player, freak, and sneaky to which the freaky part is a whole other arguement (piercings) but for some reason i choose to remain here hoping he'll change . but deep down i dont think he will. is there any hope?

doodlebug....not having much information, could be that your husband is just one of those suspicious jealous men....but....let me ask this. Why do you think he is so suspicious? I know you haven't cheated, but is it just his nature or is it possible that you send out mixed messages. What I mean by that...is do you encourage the admiration of other men? In his eyes? Do you touch people alot....or dress really provocatively? I'm not saying something is wrong with these things....only that they may be clouding H's perspective if he is unsure or insecure. Somehow, he is getting the message that you are open to affairs....have you asked him what bothers him?

nope, i dont send mixed signals im not flirty im kinda shy around ppl i dont no and i dont wear provocative clothing i wear alot of baggy stuff check out my home page theres pics of me in normal day to day clothes. www.geocities.com/doodlebug1501/enter.html<p>this is coming from him not me. like i said before i have NEVER given him reason to distrust me . hes very extreme with it. i have been accused of women also. and the ones im accused of r married or straight. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

doodle....that's why I asked...I do indeed think you dress very conservatively....so it's his issue. Jealous men scare me...a little is ego building....but this kid of obssesive jealousy is another thing. Why do you think he is so insecure? Does he have some past issues he's carrying around? Without locking yourself up and never to speaking to anyone....maybe you can do some things to build trust. Use radical honesty...open your life up to his inspection...and help him to feel more secure. I'm sure you do much of this already just to avoid conflict....but maybe you could have a frank discussion and tell him it is a burden you would like to lift from him.....that you love him only and you want to show that to him so he can relax and enjoy it. Maybe he has some ideas. Is he violent too? sometimes that follows.

It sounds like he needs help dealing with extreme jealousy and anger. What about seeing an MC together? For safety reasons in may be a good idea to have any discussions in the presence of an MC, or some other mediator. That person will also be able to independently validate your pain regarding his behavior.<p>Take Care,
L&F

Hi. Sorry to hear your H is being such a jerk.<p>Now, I may be way off base here. But when I hear one spouse accusing another spouse of behavior that has no basis in reality, I start to wonder what the first spouse has been doing. That is, your husband accuses you of cheating. He has no reason to think you are cheating. Maybe he is cheating? Or thinking about it? So he feels guilty and is lashing out at you to assuage his own feelings.

okay, thanks for the feedback, we go to a mc we have been for 6 months , he doesnt see the problems i have been fighting this for a year and a halfi have tried telling him numerous times that i would never cheat on him. he says his ex that he dated for 8 months or something like that , cheated on him but i can understand some distrust becuz of old flames but we've been together almost 5 years and never once have i given him reason to think this way, he goes to work (self employeed) in va , 30 min away from home, and will take off work done or not and come home to check on me. i hang out with a few other married mothers in my nieghborhood during the week. if i leave the nieghborhood i'm with him. i live in a big country trailer lot. everyone noes everyone so i've even tried telling him that even if i were to cheat then he would find out becuz i dont go anywhere and that would mean i would have to cheat on him with someone we both know, come on! i'm just so frustrated, i'm over it i dont feel the same as i used to but i fight showing that i just keep hoping that eventually he will come to realise what he has befor its too late. yes, he gets violent, not with me tho, he breaks alot of stuff, typing on a new keyboard right now, he has alot of rage that i cant explain either. i have tried to stay home for weeks at a time hoping that would help, but all that did was make him accuse me of cheating online and causes me bitter feelings for giving into him and thats not helping matters.
as for him cheating i'm not being naive i have played with the idea of him cheating along time ago but i am convinced he's not i totally trust him i dont think he would be smart enough to be able to hide it. he's a worrier, he'd give himself away. now as for him thinking about cheating maybe thats it but i dont know i just know this needs to stop, if he's thinking about it either get it over with or whatever i just need to be able to live a normal life with my 2 kids. this is so extreme i have never been with anyone so insecure and it not being my fault. i just dont get it if it werent for the kids i probably wouldnt be here. dont get me wrong i love my husband but i do not want to live this way anymore.

okay tell me if this sounds a bit paranoid. my husband woke me up last night and accused me of screwing someone in my dreams (i got the rated R version) come on !!!!!! what can i do to make my marriage counselor see this? she told me all guys are that way i'm thinkin about switching counselors any input appreciated. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Nope all men are not like this. If you tell your MC that your husband woke you up to accuse you of screwing other men in your dreams and he/she says that is normal behavior you for certain sure need another counselor.<p>If your behaviour has been as blameless as you have said your husband has a problem and is probably regarded as the neighborhood nutcase.<p>Take care

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by hanora:
<strong>Nope all men are not like this. If you tell your MC that your husband woke you up to accuse you of screwing other men in your dreams and he/she says that is normal behavior you for certain sure need another counselor.<p>If your behaviour has been as blameless as you have said your husband has a problem and is probably regarded as the neighborhood nutcase.<p>Take care</strong><hr></blockquote><p>definately , everyone that nos us , practically the whole nieghborhood, nos hes nutty, again last night he tells me that hes not having sex with me until i tell him who im screwing in my dreams . i dont remember these dreams and even if i did i probably wouldnt tell him cuz im tired of defending myself and i refuse to defend my DREAMS which i have no control of. am i wrong?<p>i just dont get it i havent done anything to make him this paranoid, i can understand not wanting to trust someone becuz of his past relationships, but not to this extreme and not after being together for 5 1/2 years. what can i do?! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]