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Joined: Apr 2017
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EmDee1 Offline OP
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Today on the radio show Dr. Harley commented a bit on when friendships are inappropriate, and when it is overly controlling to consider them so. Lunch at work with same-sex coworkers is OK, hanging out with your "true" best friend is not OK (because your best friend should be your spouse) taking off for a fishing weekend with the guys is not OK (because it takes time and recreational companionship away from the marriage) etc.

Can someone direct me to a fuller discussion of when friendships and activities with friends are and are not appropriate? I would like further guidelines on when to relax and let go already and when complaints are fully called-for.

Thanks in advance for any guidance you can offer.

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There are articles that cover this under the 'articles' tab above. They address specifically the opposite-sex friendships, but also cover good principles for all friends.

I'm over-generalizing here, but... As long as you and your spouse are following the Policy of Joint Agreement, and time away from a spouse is NOT with an opposite-gender friend, then it may be time to relax. Otherwise, more discussion is needed (or complaining possibly).

If YOU are ok with his fishing trip with buddies, then he can go. BUT, if YOU say no, you both could benefit from sitting down and discussing it further.

Not: But, Honey, I really want to Gooooooo

Not: I said no and *I* rule this house!

More sitting down, discussing what would work better for you and your husband.

Also read articles on how to negotiate. That could help a lot!


ME:50 HIM:53
MARRIED: 13 YRS, DATED 4 MONTHS PRIOR
HIS 2 KIDS: 30 & 25
OUR CHILD: 9
MOVING OUT & FILING FOR SEPARATION ??/??/??
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Originally Posted by EmDee1
Today on the radio show Dr. Harley commented a bit on when friendships are inappropriate, and when it is overly controlling to consider them so. Lunch at work with same-sex coworkers is OK, hanging out with your "true" best friend is not OK (because your best friend should be your spouse) taking off for a fishing weekend with the guys is not OK (because it takes time and recreational companionship away from the marriage) etc.

Can someone direct me to a fuller discussion of when friendships and activities with friends are and are not appropriate? I would like further guidelines on when to relax and let go already and when complaints are fully called-for.

Thanks in advance for any guidance you can offer.

Dr. Harley is okay with recreational activities away from your spouse if:

1. Your spouse in enthusiastic about the activity

2. Your spouse is your favorite recreational companion

3. The activity doesn't involve members of the opposite sex

4. You are getting at least 15 hours of UA with your spouse each week, meeting the 4 intimate emotional needs

5. You don't enjoy the activity more than you enjoy being with your spouse (avoiding the contrast effect)


Markos' Wife
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8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

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FWW/BW (me)
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Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.




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